Internet!! Welcome back and if you’ve never read our site before then regular welcome and please come back… or get back, ya know, whichever.

Anyway, yesterday I promised you the best Thanksgiving movie of all time, and today I am here to deliver. Like UPS or (in a far creepier example) an OBGYN. So strap in everybody… this ain’t gonna be pretty.

Let’s get one thing out of the way right away, this is in not a list of movies that happen to have Thanksgiving in them. Thanksgiving has to at least be a focus of the movie. For instance, one of the sites I was using as a reference listed ‘The Blind Side’ as a thanksgiving movie. And sure, at some point in that movie they ate Thanksgiving dinner but that in no ways makes The Blind Side a football movie. It’s a movie primarily focusing on football, and Sandra Bullock having a southern accent and being short. That’s basically it. Very little thanks is actually giving’d. So before we get to our grand winner, lets talk about some movies that are Thanksgiving themed that didn’t quite measure up to the high standards set by we here at the Thoughts We Might Have Had Institute for Giving Thanks.

Thankskilling 

untitled

Just… just no words for this.

 

Yup. The best part about this movie isn’t that someone said to themselves, “What if we made a horror movie about a killer Turkey haunting a family on Thanksgiving” but the fact that after the horrible sludge pile of a movie that Thankskilling was finished that self same person said to himself “I really should make two more of these.” I mean, really??? You couldn’t think of something better to do with your Thanksgiving spirit? You couldn’t take that weird rubber turkey and let some hobo light it on fire and use it for warmth? That way at least some good would have come from whatever horrible mental trauma you suffered that made you think this was a good idea.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles 

Planes Trains and Automobiles is a Steve Carrel movie back when Steve Martin was still Steve Martin and before he become Weirdly Ageless but WAY Less Funny Steve Martin. PT and A (yeah I abbreviated that) is kind of a weird movie cause it really feels like it should be a great family movie about a man who just wants to get home for Thanksgiving but it’s also rated R and features some decidedly un-Grandma approved language. Like someone went through Winnie the Pooh and just added in a new character named Swearsy McGee who turns up every so often to yell obscenities at Tigger.

Free Birds – 

A movie that prominently features Turkeys and Time travel, Free Birds makes it on this list purely because it looks like this list will be WAY shorter then I thought it would be. Do not watch this movie. Do not let your kids watch this movie. I don’t care if you were physically IN the movie, you should not watch it.

Free-Birds-1

While this is technically true, I think it’s only competition is Thankskiling so… it’s not a big win.

 

Look guys, let’s just take a second here and be honest with ourselves. There are almost no good Thanksgiving movies. I mean yeah, if you want to stretch the rules to ‘movies where Thanksgiving is mentioned’ that’s a huge list. I mean Rocky is on that list, and when Rocky is in your list about Thanksgiving Movies you know you’re doing something wrong. So why delay the inevitable?? Why continue this farcical farce of farcecapulence when we all know where this is going eventually anyway??

The Best Thanksgiving Movie Ever is:

Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving

Look, it’s not exactly the longest thing ever (clocking in at a cool 27 minutes) but it just IS thanksgiving. There are a lot of Christmas movies that get you in that Christmas mood, but this is the only Thanksgiving movie that does that. I mean sure you could watch Steve Martin cuss for a bit, or try and depress yourself to death by remembering that an actual thinking human being thought that Thankskilling was a good idea, but why do that when you can watch Charlie Brown and his gang do their Thanksgiving thing. So this year I recommend everyone just take a half hour out of your day, and check this thing out (the full video is on youtuve) you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, your heart strings will be plucked like a piano. And most importantly for just a little while you might be able to forget your troubles for a bit, and be grateful for all the things we have. It’s certainly not the funniest thing I’ve ever done with this blog, but it might be the most important.

a-charlie-brown-thanksgiving

This is exactly what you want out of a Thanksgiving movie. Exactly.

 

So there you go guys, a surprisingly heartfelt movie about giving thanks, from someone who has spent the last 4 years or so running a blog in which he complains about movies. Yay for irony!! Thanks for reading, have a great weekend and I will see you Tuesday for a very special thanksgiving meal episode of Thoughts We Might Have Had.

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