Weekly Headlines 10-16-2015

Posted: October 16, 2015 by Micah in Randomnicity

Well hey Internet, and welcome to another sunny day here on Thoughts We Might Have Had. A day that could really, sweep the clouds away. A day where one could very possible be on one’s way to where the air was sweet, if one could only be told how to get to Sesame Street.

But anyway, let’s get down to brass tacks, iron filings, soap scums, and other various products.

Weekly Headlines 10-16-2015

So they’re making another Expendable movies, guys. I can’t even blame America for this one as you guys did a pretty good job of ignoring the last Expendables movie. I have no explanation as to why this movie is being made or who thought it was a good idea. I mean is there a movie executive out there who looked over the Script for this movie and thought ‘huh, this is probably worth pouring millions of dollars into it so we can tell this story!!” Cause if there was I have these three shiny nickels that I’d like to trade you for your one measly quarter. I mean, come on, THREE of thems!

The Hulk has been semi-kind of- almost for sure but not yet actually, been confirmed to be making an appearance in Thor: Ragnarok (aka Thor 3: Chris Hemsworth’s Bicep.) I actually think this is fairly good news, Hulk and Thor is a natural pairing and it means that this movies villain (Loki and whoever Loki betrays in the end to side with Thor and Asgard and Puppies(cause that’s definitely happening)) can really let loose with huge armies/monsters. Expect a lot of Hulk smashing and Thor… Thoring in this one! Plus it’ll be interesting to see Ruffalo and Hemsworth interact as their characters have always been some of the stronger ones around!

No... no not... not like that.

No… no not… not like that.

Vin Diesel today made some deep growling sounds in his throat that some people interpreted to mean that the next Fast and Furious movie would be set in New York. Other listeners interpreted it to mean that the next ‘Vast and curios doobie, would be placed in Blue Corpse.’  No one really knew what that second one meant but given that it was Vin Diesel who said it everyone vigorously agreed.

Somebody is making a prequel to Die Hard… for some reason. You realize that if done properly a Die Hard prequel will be the story of a very average police man going through a messy divorce?? Now I’m sure that won’t be what they do, I’m sure it’ll be the story of a supernaturally gifted gun toting police officer who single handedly stops the entire Russian army and solves the hunger crisis because at this point we have entirely lost what made Die Hard great.

Universal movies mummy reboot (coming in 2017 so… ya know, no rush) is rumored to feature a female mummy!!! Dun dun dun!!! This is of huge importance because if we know anything about people wrapped in layers and layers and layers of gauze it’s that their gender is VERY important! Seriously though, whatever. The movie is two years away, I do not care, if I want to wildly speculate about movies coming out in 2017 I’m gonna go ahead and wildly speculate about things other then the reboot of a monster franchise that will apparently somehow vaguely attach itself to some other monster franchises starring Luke Evans.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters may be getting a TV spin off. Because at this point just why not?? I mean, they spun off Limitless into a crime procedural show… for some reason, so why not make a show about two people trading crappy dialogue while being VERY ineffective witch hunters??

I forgot until I saw this picture that this movie was also a cautionary tale about diabetes... somehow.

I forgot until I saw this picture that this movie was also a cautionary tale about diabetes… somehow.

But wait, there’s even WEIRDER news about even LESS relevant things being made into TV shows. ABC is currently working on a TV series that will serve as a direct sequel to (drumroll) My Best Friends Wedding. That’s right the 1997 movie starring Julia Roberts and legendary handsome man slab Dermot Mulroney. What was it about you ask??  I do not care. At all. And this is a terrible idea.

Yup, TV gold my friends. TV gold.

Yup, TV gold my friends. TV gold.

In other Marvel news the Fantastic Four movie rights have (sort of kind of probably maybe and most likely) returned to Marvel!! So yep, in 2020 you can expect to see yet another attempt to launch a movie series with 4 largely uninteresting, unlikeable, characters with mediocre powers and an incomprehensible ability to make movie studios think we actually care!! This is like giving the chef of a four star restaurant an old bag of doritos and a box of old pancake mix and asking them to make you a four star meal… So umm… yay Marvel?? I guess.

There you go guys, this weeks headlines! See you Tuesday and have a weekend!

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