Box Office Top Ten 5/27/15

Posted: May 27, 2015 by Micah in Randomnicity

Okay Internet, sorry for the day off yesterday. It was times. But now here we are at some other times, where we will now talk about last weekends times and the top ten movies at the box office, in  a little segment that I very unimaginatively call.

Box Office Top Ten 5/27/15

10. Home

First off we have Home, a movie about… what is this movie about? Hang on. Oh yeah okay, so this is a kids movie about an alien and it lands on Earth and says some funny things and is in general an adorable alien that just wants to go home. It’s not a bad movie but you’ve seen it before. I’ve seen it before. There’s nothing new here. Move along, America.

See how generic this picture is?? Apply that to the movie.

See how generic this picture is?? Apply that to the movie.

9. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

Umm… how is this still a thing?? Who is giving this movie money? Can we stop you? Can you just take the ten dollars you would be spending on this movie, and light it on fire? Cover it in chocolate and punch yourself in the face with it? Literally this is the worst way you will ever spend ten dollars. If one day you pay ten dollars to buy a rusty statue of a duck and that duck statue is enchanted by an evil wizard and drags your living body down to the lowest levels of hades, that will still be a better use of your ten dollars then watching the limp, soggy wad of toilet paper that is this movie.

8. Far from the Madding Crowd

Far from the Madding Crowd is an adaptation of a classic Tom Hardy book about putting on a weird looking mask and fighting Batman… Wait no, oh this is Thomas Hardy. Sorry.

Anyway, Far from the Madding Crowd is a book about a girl named Bathsheba Everdeen who fights in the Hunger Games and— nope. Sorry. Wrong Everdeen. This Everdeen (Bathsheba) must choose between three different men who have hopelessly fallen in love with her. That’s right folks: it’s a love square. Get jiggy with it. Seriously though, it’s a pretty good movie, with a strong cast and is based off of a pretty good book. So enjoy it. It’s a lot of fun… in a love square sort of way.

7. Furious 7

Boom. Car. Face punch. Fire. Face punch. Car. And that’s pretty much Furious 7. It’s not a bad movie. It just is what it is. Furious 7 is a fun run with a familiar cast through a familiar journey. If you like this series this is a great movie, if you don’t care too much about this series, you probably still won’t. It is what it is.

6. Hot Pursuit

And hey look it’s another boring paint by the numbers comedy featuring actors/actresses very obviously sleeping through a boring script no one cares about. Please don’t watch this movie. Please.

5. Avengers: Age of Ultron

If you’ve ever wanted to watch something awesome happen… watch this. I have no other thoughts. (read my full review for others.)

Avengers: Awesome has a face. ... Admittedly that was better in my head.

Avengers: Awesome has a face. … Admittedly that was better in my head.

4. Poltergeist

So remember how horror movies are basically all re-makes that have kind of run out of original ideas?? Well here’s one that is an actual remake which definitely doesn’t have any original ideas, cause it didn’t try to have any. So that’s umm… good?? I guess.

3. Mad Max: Fury Road

Come and listen to my story bout a man named Max an angry man of fury who swung a rusty ax. One day he was out looking for some crude, when up from the ground come a guitar playing dude. Weird TV themes aside, Mad Max has received a ton of praise from film critics who have basically already crowned it the action movie of the year. I don’t know about that but it’s definitely the action movie of people named Max who are angry at roads. So there’s that.

You wouldn't guess from this picture, but that dude is super mad.

You wouldn’t guess from this picture, but that dude is super mad.

2. Pitch Perfect 2

So I already did a full review of this. But it’s awesome. And great. And if you haven’t seen either of these movies then shame on you. You’re a terrible person and I hate. And you hate you. Ya jerk.

1. Tomorrowland

Tomorrowland is currently running at an even 50% on ye olde Rotten Tomatoes and that’s probably all you need to know frankly. It looks great, but the story is off. The acting is good but the lines are bad. Everything about this movie is 50/50. It’s worth watching I guess, but honestly I’d just wait for the DVD… or Blueray. Or chance to pirate it. Whatever floats your boat.

Thanks for reading guys!! I’m gonna spare your back to back posting days and put out another one of these babies on Friday! See you then!

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