Top Ten Movie Jedi

Posted: April 14, 2015 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , , , , ,

Well hey internet!! Welcome to Tuesday, a Tuesday that will live in infamy forever as the day that I went way way WAY back in time and found something about Star Wars that I hadn’t already spent twenty million hours talking about. But first this brief message from the Micah Freaks Out About Daredevil collection.

Daredevil is AWESOME. I have (sadly) only watched the first two episodes but those first two episodes were (without a single doubt) astonishingly good. I mean there’s a fight scene in the second episode that (unless some unrivaled cinema magic happened) they shot in one take that probably lasted five to ten minutes and that’s not even the best part of the whole thing. The writing is great, the acting is very well done, the storyline is panning out nicely and Daredevil kicks butt. I hope at some point this season he breaks out the Daredevil nunchucks but I’ve thus far been very happy with the results of him just punching people into a bloody mess. It’s been awesome, I can’t wait to watch the rest of the series. (it’s worth mentioning here that this is TV-MA here. More violence then your standard Marvel movie… a lot more.)

But anyway that’s not what we’re here for today. No no, today we’re here for an exercise in Star Wars nerdism that we’ll call.

Top Ten Movie Jedi

Now it’s worth mentioning here that an imperative word up there is the word “Movie.” I am a MASSIVE Star Wars nerd and if you want to go off on the finer points of Kit Fisto and Ganner Rhysode I can talk all day, but for the sake of maintaining at least a tiny portion of my reading audience and my friends respect for my manliness I’m just gonna stick to the movies here. Let’s do it.

10. Anakin Skywalker – Yeah I know, I know, he brought balance to the Force and had the highest midi-whatever count ever but you know what else he was??? Super annoying. Both in child and adult form. Sure, he brought balance to the Force, but he brought unbalance to the film by generally just being a horrible, terrible, creepy, terrifying, bland, uninteresting, whiny, moron… well I feel better.

9. This girl

The Jedi Temple would like to remind you that it is an equal opportunity employer... ish.

The Jedi Temple would like to remind you that it is an equal opportunity employer… ish.

Yup, Aayla Secura if you want to be weird about it, one of the few woman Jedi to appear in the movies (thanks George Lucas,) Aayala had the benefit of being blue, being in two different movies, and dying tragically during one of the few actually poignant moments in the entire new trilogy. Thanks for the memories Aayla… all eight seconds of them.

8. This guy

I feel awkward even putting this picture up. This Jedi's head is rated R.

I feel awkward even putting this picture up. This guy’s head is rated R.

Yeah you forgot about “Awkwardly shaped head” Jedi didn’t you?? Basically this guy was Robert E. Lee if Robert E. Lee got his head stuck in vice from the ages of 4-75. Also (unsurprisingly) he done got shot.

7. Luke Skywalker – Not nearly as whiny and annoying as his father but still plenty whiny and annoying on his own Luke Skywalker gets thrown up to number seven by virtue of me rapidly run out of other Jedi and the fact that he is one of two Jedi actually seen in the entire last trilogy.

6. Umm… This guy??

Yes this is an animated picture, but we needed an awesome boost after Jedi Master Severe-Beating Head.

Yes this is an animated picture, but we needed an awesome boost after Jedi Master Severe-Beating Head.

Yeah, Kit Fisto did make the list after all!! Yup, he had about ten seconds of screen time total but in those ten seconds he was everything you could have possibly wanted out of a completely insane looking, eel-headed, death Jedi of awesomeness.

5. Hmm… I may have worked myself into a corner here… I can’t even think of someone to go here… so we’re gonna go with um… Hey look a kitten!!!



4. Mace Windu – So Mace Windu was awesome. I mean he was played by Sam Jackson who is also awesome but he got shifted down on this list because his lightsaber was purple/pink and that always just seemed weird to me. I mean why go for that? Plus one of the two times we got to see you fight you did get killed by a screamy old man who strongly resembled a bag of potatoes, and the whiny mass of quivering humanity who we call Hayden Christenson.

3. Obi-Wan – Yup, Obi-Wan the only Jedi to appear in all six movies and the only Jedi played by two different completely awesome actors!! Obi-Wan was a great jedi, with a great sense of humor, and some great fighting skills. But he was also instrumental in the creation of Darth Vader and in two very VERY whiny Jedi being brought into the world so… minus some points there. Plus let us never forget the ever popular “Jedi Rat Tail.”

On the positive side it cuts down on the pride factor from young Jedi.

On the positive side it cuts down on the pride factor from young Jedi.

2. Yoda – Yoda’s awesome. Sweet fighting skills in the second super obviously animated movies, and sweet crazy old man skills in the original trailer. Everyone loves Yoda, and Yoda by all accounts loved everyone back. It would surely take some great herculean effort to top Yoda on the scale of awesome Jedi Powers and the only man who could possibly do it is someone so tough, so gritty, so gravelly voiced, that when he orders pizza he literally calls the pizza in it’s own home and the pizza delivers itself (pre-baked) to his door. A man named:

1. Liam Neeson… I mean Qui Gon Jin. –

Aw... Not a kitten "aw" but still.

Aw… Not a kitten “aw” but still.

Yup, Qui Gon, sure he died four minutes into his second lightsaber fight, sure he was only in one movie and he was responsible for not leaving the criminally annoying Anakin Skywalkers criminally annoying butt on Tatooine but hey, no one is perfect. And ya know what he is?? He’s Qui Gon Frickin’ Jin. He has a very special set of skills, and he will find you if you disagree with me. He will find you.

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