Top 5 Bottom 5 Redbox 3/26/2015

Posted: March 26, 2015 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Well hello and welcome to another Thursday in which we will (at various points) throw some stuff in a backwardly direction. Because that’s what society demands!!! For some reason. But more to the point, and less to the prongs, let’s talk about Redbox! What’s good, what’s bad, and why is there always some super indecisive person in front of me who can’t PICK A STUPID MOVIE!!!

The Bottom 5: And speaking of stupid movies, here are 5 of the very worst movies currently festering inside of Redbox.

The Interview: Yup the movie everyone got super excited about and angry over, that then turned out to really really suck. A lot. Because believe it or not coming up with the most controversial idea you can think of and then writing a horrible script about it, is not the ticket to success.

Dumb and Dumber Too: Please do not watch this. Ever. I don’t care if you liked the original, I don’t care if you are quite literally an immobile object and the movie is playing in front of you. Move. Get out of there. You will never be the same after watching this movie, it will haunt you to the end of your days. Your IQ will drop, your sense of humor will whither, your face will (in a desperate act of self preservation) physically remove itself from your skull. Don’t watch this.

Lucy: You can read my full review of this over here but… in the end… the main character literally becomes a Celestial Thumbdrive. You did not misread that.

Lucy: a movie that defies you to figure out why it's omnipotent heroine does not in any participate in the climactic battle.

Lucy: a movie that defies you to figure out why it’s omnipotent heroine does not in any participate in the climactic battle.

Left Behind: Yup. You can still watch the movie that critics universally agreed was the cinematic equivalent of being beaten to death with a spork.

The Scorpion King 4: Cause is there was one thing that the unimaginative, poorly conceived, completely unnecessary, Scorpion King 1 needed, it was THREE sequels. Three of them. You did not misread that.

The Scorpion King series because... umm... tax breaks?? Are we getting tax breaks for this?

The Scorpion King series because… umm… tax breaks?? Are we getting tax breaks for this?

The Top 5: Things are actually pretty good in Redbox right now… believe it or not keeping this list down to 5 was actually fairly difficult.

Birdman: Academy Award Winning movie starring Michael Keaton, Edward Norton, and Emma Stone all about a guy who used to play a super hero and now doesn’t know what to do with his life… so basically the Michael Keaton story. It’s not for everyone (R rated and not exactly your typical movie experience) but it is fantastic for those of you who like it’s particular style.

Big Hero 6: The official kids pick of the article. It’s a great movie, with some great animations, and some very very strange, superpowers.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Couldn’t resist it. Still my favorite movie from last year, and still pretty much made of wonderful. No way around it.

The Imitation Game: Benedict Cumberbatch and Kierra Knightly star in a movie about code breaking, britishness, and extreme combovers. Seriously though, it’s great. Go watch it. Or… rent it. Or whatever.

And behind that enigma there is a... well a pizza hut. It is, admittedly, anti-climactic.

And behind that enigma there is a… well a pizza hut. It is, admittedly, anti-climactic.

The Theory of Everything: Just in case you watched Jupter Ascending and thought that Eddie Redmayne was a talentless husk of used guacamole, here’s the Theory of Everything. A movie in which Eddie Redmayne actually acts as opposed to the other movie in which he was actually routinely clubbed over the head with a mallet before the cameras rolled.

So there you go America, happy days. Find some movies, watch them, and then find some other movies and don’t ever watch them. Ever. At all.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s