Hey Internet, you know what we haven’t done in a while???
Weekly Headlines: 1/27/15
In our lead story today: Winter hates you. It hates me. Winter hates everyone. The fact that it didn’t snow as badly as it was supposed to this weekend only proves it more. Winter is after you, America. It’s after your face.
The super bowl is this Sunday but thus far mostly we haven’t been talking much about football, but have instead been talking about ‘footballs’ and whether or not certain footballs were inflated or deflated or reflated appropriately. Never have you heard so much about the amount of air that filled the skin of a dead animal. Now, I’m a Patriots fan, this stuff matters to me, but I am SO tired of hearing about it. Please stop. Ya know what’s gonna happen as a result of all this??? Nothing. They will still play football on Sunday and one of the two teams that play in that football game will beat the other team that does not score as many points as that first team that does not do those same things.
In other football related news: I’m a huge patriots fan and I don’t care and I hope we win no matter whose inflating or deflating their various balls. Sorry sports fans: that’s bias for you. You’d do the same if it was your team, it’s a weird world we live in.
So Jennifer Lopez and Johnny Depp were in two terrible movies this week. It’s so sad that I am not surprised by the second thing. Depp has really just become some weird bizzarro version of himself. He was in to many weird “comedies” in a row. He got on this Captain Jack train and couldn’t get off. Someone needs to have an intervention with him and make him sit down and watch his last three movies back to back. If that doesn’t wake him up… it may be too late.
Emma Watson was recently signed on to Disney’s live action Beauty and the Beast. Thus far I haven’t been crazy impressed by Disney’s “let’s do those same movies we did before but not as good” campaign. Maleficent was a super weird take on Sleeping Beauty that ruined sleeping beauty AND maleficent and potentially just… movies in general. And I’m super dubious about Cinderella. Even the trailers look tired and over-stretched. They feel like trailers you’ve seen before for things you don’t care about. Watson posted on facebook something about “taking voice lessons” so maybe it’ll still be a musical (the new Cinderella is not) but… I just can’t make myself care about a live action version of a whimsical animated movie that I’ve seen before. Plus… how creepy does the talking furniture become if it’s live action? Super creepy.
The first trailer for Fantastic Four came out today. This morning in fact. It looks umm…. Different. I mean it certainly looks like it will be as straight up horrible as the first two movies were but it didn’t really tell us much about the movie and it still contains three horrible superpowers out of a team of four. And the trailer seems to be veering a little bit more towards the “Man of Steel” super hero territory of “grim dark gritty seriousness” I mean I like Batman as much anyone but not everyone can be Batman. Only Batman can be Batman. Stop trying to be Batman, Super-stretchy terrible super powered scientist. Just stop.
So Adam Sandler just announced his first movie for Netflix. It’s called “Ridiculous 6” and features Sandler playing someone raised by Native Americans who— yeah I don’t care at all. It’s gonna suck.
David Tennant has signed on to play a Super-villain in the upcoming Jessica Jones TV show. I know nothing about the Super-villain but it will be AWESOME. Nuff. Said.