Box Office Top Ten 1/22/15

Posted: January 22, 2015 by Micah in Randomnicity

Ah the scent of freshness on the breeze. The warm mystical feeling of the wind whispering through the high grasses of a new year. A fresh start, a time to clean our laundry and hang it on majestical outdoor clothes lines. A time to breathe in a fresh new year and promise ourselves that we will strive to climb higher, be better, and find new ways to challenge ourselves.

And then to do the same things we did last year, which leads us to.

Box Office Top Ten 1/22/2015

Number 10: Blackhat 

We are no longer in control... of Thor's career.

We are no longer in control… of Thor’s career.

Thor stars in a movie where he pretends to be a human, and does a lot of things with computers. Some stuff gets blown up. But first off it’s a weird role for Thor, later on this year he plays a man chasing a huge mystical death whale in the 19th century, and that seems like an awesome idea but this was just a fairly weird action movie with a lot of “ACTION” but no reason to care about the action, or the characters doing the actions.

Number 9: Unbroken

A movie that tells an incredibly inspirational story “Unbroken” seems to lack any new steps or avoid the cliche’s that that sort of movie is prone to falling into. It’s not a bad movie per se but it’s not anything you haven’t seen before. It tells what is undoubtedly an incredibly inspirational story but it tells it without any real flair. It’s a pizza made with 500 dollar pepperoni’s and 2 dollars to spend on everything else.

Number 8: The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies

I just did a full review of this so I’ll keep it short. Best of the Hobbit movies. Ends what was a hit and miss trilogy with a good note and will make you want to watch the original Lord of the Rings again. You will watch the original Lord of the Rings again and you’ll think to yourself “Oh… so this is what those movies were like when they were good.”

Number 7: Into the Woods

I also did a full review of this so… I’ll also keep it short. Interesting (though not great) music, good first two-thirds, bad last one-third. Great acting, terrible children. Worst children ever. Bad. Bad. Baddety bad. Children.

Number 6: The Imitation Game

I honestly forgot this was in wide release. This thing came out like 6 months ago and has gotten Oscar hype and Oscar nominations and it’s just now hitting actual theaters. Benedict Cumberbatch and Kiera Knightely come together to star in a movie about code breaking in World War 2. It’s supposed to be excellent and very good and wonderful and you should watch it.

We know he's outstanding, Movie Poster... we know...

We know he’s outstanding, Movie Poster… we know…

Number 5: Selma

A movie that probably should have created more Oscar hype then it did, Selma tells the story of a protest organized by Martin Luther King Jr. right around the man’s holiday. And hey Oprah is in it!!! What’s not to love about Oprah? A lot of people will think that I’m being sarcastic there but that’s just because it’s physically impossible to type negative things about Oprah. The internet physically deletes it. Watch this. …… Oprah….. gerbils….. pastry….. uranium…. pockets.

See?

Number 4: Taken 3

I’m a little ashamed to say that Taken 3 hasn’t gotten very good reviews and that I haven’t watched it yet. That said even people who don’t like the movie agree that Liam Neeson growls angrily and punches people in the head so…. I’m still in.

Number 3: Paddington

So… this movie is supposed to be actually really good. Take your kids and watch it… I guess. I’m just confused about the live action bear thing. It does have Hugh Bonneville in it so that’s nice but it also has Nicole Kidman making her “Nicole Kidman one expression she knows” so… I’m just confused as to how this movie works., but it apparently does so… rock on America.

I don't understand how directing Harry Potter prepares you to direct a movie about a magical bear that's come to life and is living in modern day England... oh wait no I get it.

I don’t understand how producing a Harry Potter prepares you to make a movie about a magical bear that’s come to life and is living in modern day England… oh wait no I get it.

Number 2: The Wedding Ringer

Kevin Hart and Josh Gad star in an unfunny, raunchy, non-sensical comedy. Like 99 percent of comedies. I’m sorry guys,  I just don’t care. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again but most modern comedies are ten minutes of legitimately funny and original stuff wrapped in two hours of un-inspired, lowest hanging fruit humor. It’s just where we are right now, maybe that’s why I still love the old school comedians. Maybe they had it easier cause they’re movies were shorter or maybe it was just a different time I don’t know, but until someone can change my mind the comedy genre as a whole is pretty much just not my game these days.

Number 1: American Sniper 

American Sniper is a movie that stars Bradley Cooper (on a ridiculous hot streak movie wise) and is directed by Clint Eastwood (on a ridiculous hot streak just in general for his whole life of being Clint Eastwood.) It’s a tough, hard, gritty look at both the life of a modern sniper in the field and the life of a modern soldier at home. It really is impossible to say much about this movie without going on about it for five thousand words so let’s just say it’s a movie you should probably watch. It’s rated R so bear that in mind but it’s a movie that (whether you agree with it’s message or not) will give a new perspective on things. It’s a movie that will challenge you to think and while that’s not always a good thing in this case (whether you like the movie or not) it’s probably gonna make you think about some things you should one hundred percent be thinking about.

So there you go guys, the top ten. Another year, another box office, another summary. We’ll see you next week.

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