Well hey Internet, happy days, merry nights, and other seasonal stuff involving you and some holly and (in some rare cases) side affects of jolly. But before we drown our sorrows in Christmas spirit, and holiday hollys why not take a look at some trailers and (in the spirit of the season) judge them unfairly based purely on their exterior!

Peter Pan Live

Is it weird that Peter Pan is kinda hot?? That’s weird right?? Like when I was a kid we owned a copy of the stage production (on VHS no less) and yes it was a woman then but the woman wasn’t…. attractive. And maybe it was because I was like 8 but the fact that Peter Pan was being played by a woman (while unavoidably a fact) was never apparent enough to be weird… It’s weird now.

Anyway, the Sound of Music Live was a great idea with terrible, horrible, execution (thanks in no small parts to its stars Carrie (I’m a Singer not an Actor) Underwood and whoever the man-shaped slab of concrete who was playing Captain Von Trapp was. Peter Pan Live is once again a great idea and the execution seems to be at least better. Sure Christopher Walken is one-hundred percent mailing in the dance scenes and looks like your grumpy uncle trying to play Wii-fit while drunk out of his mind but I’m totally okay with that. Frankly, I far prefer to watch Christopher Walken mail in his dancing segments, if he actually tried it would be less entertaining. I’m pretty sure I’ll watch this just because it will either be a good show with some corny sections OR a hilariously bad show featuring Grumpy Uncle Christopher Walken and both of those things are well worth watching in my book.

Also: this comes out Thursday guys!! Pay attention, NBC is gonna try and sneak this by you!

Pan

Not gonna lie… this looks kind of awesome. Hugh Jackman looks fantastic and who doesn’t love a good Peter Pan origin story?? Seriously, sign me up.  I’m not saying it’ll be great or anything but there’s at least a chance and I’m sure we’ll get to see more of this thing as we get closer to it’s 2015 release date. But you want to know the worst thing about this movie??? The one single thing that could lead to it becoming a flaming chunk of fried delicious failure??? Amanda Seyfried!!! That’s right, the face that ruined a thousand movies looms large over Pan and may yet lead to it’s inevitable crushing demise. But hey, we all have things to overcome.

It's important to ask yourself before you cast Amanda Seyfried: "Do I want this movie to suck??"

It’s important to ask yourself before you cast Amanda Seyfried: “Do I want this movie to suck??”

Jurassic World: Cause We Haven’t Ruined a Franchise With an Unnecessary Sequel in a Few Months

Seriously I don’t know whether this movie will be any good or not but don’t you feel like you’ve seen it before? I mean I love Chris Pratt and I love dinosaurs… sort of… but “Oh no science has made some new genetic monster and now it’s on the loose” is just… unfortunate. Once again, I’m not guaranteeing it’ll be awful but I would put the odds of it being awesome VERY low, the best your gonna get here is “good movie that pays homage to a better movie” and really who wants that? You know what would make a great movie?? Chris Pratt and a dinosaur chasing after Christopher Walken as he mails in a dance routine. I’m just saying… somebody make some phone calls.

My favorite thing about this movie is that even with just the trailer science people are crawling from the woodwork to point out the obvious scientific nuances that the film has gotten wrong. Certain dinosaurs may have had feathers, others had spines that were aligned slightly differently, things like that. Of course my response to these people is: IT’S A MOVIE WHERE DINOSAURS AND HUMANS COEXIST!! The movie is built on a premise that makes ZERO scientific sense. This is like building a house out of steak bones and pudding pops and then complaining cause one of the electrical outlets isn’t working.

The Hobbit: Should Have Stopped At Two

Hey look, it’s that third movie from the franchise that really should have been two movies!! That said, the smart money on this is that it’s easily gonna be the best movie of the three. Big battles, Martin Freeman’s great Bilbo performance finally going somewhere, and an actual ending!! What could possibly go wrong??? Oh right this is the Hobbit franchise… everything could go wrong. We could spend twenty minutes with a bunch of old people talking about their arthritis, or fifteen minutes watching dwarves made out of silly putty bounce around a mine for NO REASON!!!!! That said… I’m at least marginally excited about this movie. Surely Peter Jackson can get some of his old Lord of the Rings mojo back right??? Right?????? Christopher Walken??

Star Wars Episode 7 

All right here we go folks, the main event. And oh what an event it is!!! Star Wars!!! It’s back. Evil people who sound like Benedict Cumberbatch (it isn’t), confused looking stormtroopers, droids who roll… for reasons. A trailer that excited millions of people across the globe!!!! Without actually telling us anything about the movie. But hey, it’s early, we’ve got another year before this thing hits theaters so everybody just keep your pants on. The one thing we do know now though is this: Claymore lightsaber. Yup. We’re not messing around anymore, or at least that mysterious cloaked person in the forest isn’t. I’m down with it. I’m hip with his claymore jibe. At least this lightsaber was more different then Count Dooku’s “Slightly curved handle” lightsaber that everyone gave a crap about for some reason, and a little more outside the box then Darth Mauls “I took two lightsabers and taped them together” lightsaber. So count me in. Beyond that there just isn’t enough info here for me to really form an opinion. I mean, I don’t need to really form an opinion it’s Star Wars + I’m a nerd = general excitement. There is nothing complicated about this.

And there you have it guys!! Some trailers and some judgement, and from here on in gird up your loins and prepare for some Christmas!!!!

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