Man is it STILL September?? Why? And how much longer? Why is there nothing happening in theaters? The thing I am most excited about right now is the premiere of Gotham which I haven’t seen yet because I refuse to pay for cable and Hulu doesn’t put it up till later today. So here I sit twiddling my thumbs (metaphorically) and trying to come up with something to write about… ummmm…. Ya know what we haven’t done in forever?? Weekly headlines. And just because this is a comic site and there is nothing I love in the world so much as hilarious irony I’m still gonna call it:
Weekly Headlines 9-23-14
So the new Terminator movie is gonna be called Terminator: Genisys because who needs spelling??? First we had blatant disregard for the rules of grammar with Batman 5 Superman: Dawn of Justice and now we’re just spelling thigns however we want to. We just randomly decided to throw letters into a pile and see what happens. How did that meeting go exactly?
Business Guy 1: So what if we called it Terminator: Genesis? Ya know? Like a fresh start and stuff.
Business Guy 2: No. I don’t like it. I feel like it’s been done before.
Business Guy 1: Okay… well what if we still called it Terminator: Genesis but I had my four year old daughter spell genesis?
Business Guy 1: That seems like a wonderful idea!! Cause we all know that a great way to show originality and intelligence is to spell things incorrectly!!
CBS recently picked up Supergirl for a TV series!! Not super surprising given the rising wave of B list Superheroes making A list money on the small screen. It’s not the worst idea ever in the world though I think there are probably other heroes I’d rather see then “a female version of Superman” because let’s be honest Superman isn’t exactly the most original idea ever had for a super-hero in the first place. I’m not saying it won’t be a good show, I just wish that when we sat down to make something involving superheroes we didn’t automatically think: “What’s the most obvious set of powers possible and how can we use those for this?”
Bryan Singer signed on to direct X-men: Apocalypse AND says that he (probably) will be recasting Storm, Cyclops, and Jean Grey. First off: great news for the X-men franchise since Singer has easily been the best X-men director by far and secondly because the last people to play Jean, Cyclops, and Storm were SUPER whiny and annoying, a complete jerk, and unable to decide whether or not they had an accent (respectively.) If Mr. Singer casts a corn flake, a cabbage patch kid, and a used Dove chocolate wrapper it will SIGNIFICANTLY improve my relationships with the characters.
Did you know there was a film festival called: Fantastic Fest??? Tee-hee.
Dolphin Tale 2 is in theaters. For some reason.
Maze Runner won the box office this week (though winning is a strong word for September.) It’s a movie about (believe it or not) a kid who runs… through mazes. But apparently that’s entertaining cause people seem to like it.
Hulu recently purchased the rights to make a series out of Stephen King’s 11/26/63 story. For you non-King-ites 11/22/63 is a time travely sort of story focused around the events of JFK’s assassination. It’s very Stephen King. As we learned in Under the Dome Season 1 Stephen King things can be awesome. But, as we learned in Under the Dome Season 2 Stephen King things can also make very little sense and have incredibly plot hole filled scripts… so it’s a toss up.
Someone is making a sequel to Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters… Folks this may be the single worst non-murder idea in the history of man. Cause nothing says “make a sequel” like a poorly written, badly executed, paper thin plotted, movie that made almost ZERO money. At least for the most part Hollywood just makes sequels to bad movies that make a lot of money. I don’t know who benefits from making a sequel to this movie. Is someone at the studio related to the movie?? Is that possible? Can I be related to the Dark Knight? How creepy is this getting?
And finally, Star Trek 3 is rumored to have William Shatner in it. Let me explain this in easy terms: THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA. Please don’t do this to Star Trek. I liked Star Trek 1 and Star Trek 2 was awesome. And amazing. And wonderful. And I may be related to it. For the most part I try and ignore the whole time travel thing but it’s at least okay because Leanard Nemoy is awesome and he looks like a zombie and sounds like Darth Vader. William Shatner looks like the Pillsbury Doughboys grandfather and acts with all the subtle skill of a drunk one eyed panda-goose. Boom. Micah-OUT!!