Previewing the Fall

Posted: August 21, 2014 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , , ,

Well hey Internet and welcome to a deep and mystical time in which I, Micah Thompson Lord of Movies, will stare deeply into the Coming Soon page of Fandango and reveal to you YOUR FUTURE!!! (of cinema)  This Summer was… interesting… not quite as awesome as I was hoping, while at the same time featuring some pretty awesome awesomeness. Anyway, reviewing the summer is something for a later date (specifically a next Monday sort of date) but for now let us gaze with open faces and windblown eyes into the future, the fall, the fffffffffffffffsomething.

September– Wow…. First few weeks of September are NOT good my friends. Not good. Prepare to save some money on movie tickets… yuck. The first movie I even kind of want to watch in September is…

Maze Runner (September 19th) – A movie based on a book series about people running through some sort of Maze. Frankly I don’t have a HUGE idea what this thing is about but the trailer looks interesting and the books are supposed to be good and in the sad sad soup that is September Movies, Maze Runner stands to be a piece of beef that’s only slightly burned. METAPHOR!!

This is Where I Leave You (September 19th) – A Tina Fey Movie with Jason Bateman, Adam Driver, and Dax Shepard where a family has to reunite for their Father’s Funeral. By no means an original premise but a strong cast might make this movie worth watching… from Redbox.

And that about does it for September. If you want you could watch Boxtrolls in theaters (or if you have children and NO IDEA what to do with them) but that is by no means a “must see in theaters” sort of movie… or a “must see”  movie. Though it is for sure a movie so that’s… ya know fsomething.

All right October- let’s see what you got!!

October-

Gone Girl (Oct. 3) – Well Gone Girl does look good… in a horrifyingly terribly horrifying sort of way. Ben Affleck stands to be awesome in it. Just… ya know… horrifying.

Left Behind (Oct. 3) – Wait didn’t they already make a terrible adaptation of Left Behind?? On the plus side this one could’t be as bad as that one right? I mean that movie was terrible NOTHING could be as bad or less representative of the books they’re based on then that movie…. Wait, what? Nicolas Cage is in this?? Okay I take everything back: this will be worse.

Seriously though... do the people making this movie actually know who Nic Cage is? Have they seen any of his other movies?? Then again they also cast Jordin Sparks in this movie. Nic Cage even looks a little confused as to why he's in this movie... and wearing that wig.

Seriously though… do the people making this movie actually know who Nic Cage is? Have they seen any of his other movies?? Then again they also cast Jordin Sparks in this movie. Nic Cage even looks a little confused as to why he’s in this movie… and wearing that wig. Though it does apparently star a bizzaro version of my wife so… that’s something. 

The Book Of Life (Oct. 17) – Some people are super excited about this movie but… frankly I do not understand anything that is going on in the trailer. Anything. At all. Except it looks like someone threw up a bunch of semi-racist Mexican stereotypes on a film screen. Maybe it will be great… assuming someone can figure out what on earth is happening in it.

I can't shake the feeling that this looks like a racist version of A Nightmare Before Christmas.

I can’t shake the feeling that this looks like a racist version of A Nightmare Before Christmas.

Dracula Untold (Oct. 17) I am actually VERY excited about this movie.  Originally it looked like just another sad attempt to make some money off the corpse of Brahm Stoker but honestly this movie looks kind of awesome. I’m not guaranteeing it will be good (it might just be a very well disguised sad attempt to make some money off the corpse of Brahm Stoker) but it looks like it has some awesome ideas behind it and Luke Evans should be able to lend some gravitas to the film and bring the pain as young angry Pre-Drac Dracula.

Fury (Oct. 17th) – Brad Pitt has a tank. And shoots people. I don’t know what else you really need to know about this film. Consequently there are officially more interesting films coming out on this one day then in the entire month of September. So thanks for that, September. You suck.

Okay we’re gonna go ahead and cover November even though (technically) it probably is more winter then fall. But whatever, September let me down.

Interstellar – (Nov. 7th) I’m still very excited for this movie even though (to be entirely honest) I have no idea what it’s about. Something to do with space, and wormholes, and the world ending because of Anne Hathaways man-haircut. I’m not saying it makes a lot of sense, that just seems to be the general vibe. Still though it’s Chris Nolan and I am nothing if not a loyal follower of Mr. Captain Admiral King Nolan.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 (Nov. 21) – So thus far all the makers of the THGMP1 have deigned to show us are some super weird videos that tell us nothing about the plot of the movie. Then again, this is a “Part 1” movie so far all we know this thing doesn’t actually have a plot. This is the less exciting half of a two part movie, not meant to be done in two parts. Harry Potter started all this nonsense when they split the last book of that series in two. Book 7 in the Harry Potter series is INCREDIBLE and even so the “Part 1” in that duelogy felt kind of long and boring and pointless. I have (for the most part) really enjoyed the Hunger Games movie but they’ve always struggled in the first half of the movie (the parts that weren’t the Hunger Games) so now we’re getting a whole movies worth of the first half of a book that has no Hunger Games in it??? Yeah… I’m a little afraid this will suck.

Penguins of Madagascar (Nov. 26) – This is gonna be awesome. Bring the wife, bring the kids, bring ffffffsomeone.

It's somewhat comforting to me that even as old and snooty as I am, I am still incredibly excited about a movie starring four talking penguins.

It’s somewhat comforting to me that even as old and snooty as I am, I am still incredibly excited about a movie starring four talking penguins.

So there you got it guys!! The fall. Grab some pumpkin spiced latte’s and head to a theater… just not in September.

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