Internet!! I am sick, my wife is sick, morale is low in the camp. The camp is low in morale. And the rain in Spain falls mainly on teams that are statistically eliminated from the world cup (SPORTS REFERENCE!) As such I will be posting a full post of pontification tomorrow but here is a brand new feature that I will probably only do this one time called…

The Box Office Top Ten (in two sentences)

Let’s. Do it.

Number 10: Chef

A little movie about a little Chef with a little chef van… thing. It is (ironically) only showing in a very small amount of theaters so if you’re the sort of person who enjoys snooty movies about snooty food this is for you (assuming you live near a snooty theater.)

Number 9: Neighbors 

A movie about a guy with a family who lives next to a guy that throws a lot of un-family friendly parties. This movie is also un-family friendly but if you have an un-family with you wen you go see it, it’s supposed to be pretty funny (word of caution: It’s rated R).

Number 8: A Million Ways to Die in the West 

A movie that (according to reviews) used all of it’s best jokes in the trailers, you might as well just save some money and watch the trailer two or three times and then go see a different movie. And this is my second sentence which (thanks to my first sentence) I don’t actually have much to do with.

Number 7: Godzilla 

A giant Lizard beats up some other giant things. I reviewed it here.

Number 6: X-Men: Days of Future Past 

X-men travel back in time so that the guy who invented some giant death robots doesn’t get murdered, so that the people who make the giant death robots won’t think they need giant death robots because the guy who invented them got murdered (surprisingly that one sentence actually works pretty well for this movie.) Also: I reviewed it here.

Number 5: The Fault in Our Stars 

Sad stuff happens. Sad, sad stuff.

Number 4: Edge of Tomorrow 

Tom Cruise dies a lot. Yay!!!

Number 3: Maleficent 

Angelina Jolie plays a classic Disney villain in a movie that has virtually zero similarities with the original movie it’s based on. I reviewed the whole thing here.

Number 2: How to Train Your Dragon 2 

The cast of How to Train Your Dragon 1 does some more stuff with some things that weren’t in that movie. It’s supposed to be pretty good so if you liked the first movie you should watch this movie, and if you didn’t like the first movie… are you a zombie???

Number 1: 22 Jump Street 

The sequel to 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street is essentially 21 Jump Street except… no it’s basically 21 Jump Street again.  I guess if you liked 21 Jump Street you should watch this and just pretend it’s the extra directors cut off the first movie.

There!! The entire box office, two sentences. All the sudden all those other box office reviews I did seem super superfluous huh? Anyway, see you all tomorrow when I will (hopefully) be back on the health train!!

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