Posted: June 16, 2014 by Micah in Movie Reviews
Tags: , , ,

So anyway Internet, let’s talk about movies. Enough double talk, back talk, behind talk, and other sorts of talks, times, Tims, or tibbers. Instead let’s cut to brass tacks, purple thumbs, and quick fish-bait. Wow I have no idea what’s going on anymore guys… I’m sorry. Anyway, let’s get right into the business of today:

Micah Reveiws: Maleficent

Maleficent's powers range from magic, to wings, to horns, to the ability to open cans of beans with her cheekbones.

Maleficent’s powers range from magic, to wings, to horns, to the ability to open cans of beans with her cheekbones.

Sleeping Beauty is one of Disney’s oldest and most well-beloved animated features. The story of a young girl who cannot help but try and get housework done!… Wait, I mean stab herself with a household object and need a man to come save her… wow… this story is kind of very sexist isn’t it? Anyway, this movie (as you may have guessed) is about Maleficent, so the question then becomes not is Sleeping Beauty a mostly sexist story about a phenomenally clueless princess (it totally is) but is Maleficent a good movie?

The Plot:

Men are horrible. That is a summary of the plot of this movie, and not men in a male sense (though they seem to be especially horrible) just men in general. The human race, cause long, long time ago, under a tree that was over a cliff there lived a young fairy girl named Maleficent.  And she was happy and she lived in a magical forest and everyone loved her and she was the shizzle!! And then she met a boy and he kissed her and lied to her.  But life moved on for Mal and then she got attacked by some humans and then that same guy (Stephan as we must call him) did something even worse to her and she got all evil and stuff BECAUSE OF MAN!!!

So, she put a curse on a baby and stuff and then watches that baby grow up and then must decide whether or not she wants to still curse the baby (Cause she’s really not that bad remember) or actually curse the baby BECAUSE OF MAN!!!

That may seem like a short summary but I don’t want to spoil any of the “shocking” “revelations” that the movie will telegraph at you through the entire thing. But anyway…

The Positives:

Angelina Jolie. Awesome job by her and her cheekbones which are three of the best things this movie had going for it. The rest of the cast (with the exception of her Raven friend Diaval) are fairly wooden. Elle Fanning does a decent job with Sleeping Beauty/Aurora but even with her slightly expanded role here there’s not a lot of depth to Aurora. She smiles at stuff and giggles and then stabs herself. Regardless, Jolie does a good job with Maleficent and while I never bought into her whole character arc, I was at least on board with Jolie.

The overall story and visuals were interesting. The script had some holes to be sure but the whole story arc was at least interesting enough.

The Negatrons:

Let’s get this out of the way now: Stephen’s Irish accent was  HORRIBLE!!! Irish people everywhere should be horrendously offended.  Every time that man spoke I wanted to stab myself in the leprechaun. He pronounced Maleficent Maleeeeeeeeefififnfifnifnfecent.  It was the weirdest/worst thing that has ever happened to my brain and I’ve seen TWILIGHT movies. And it was only made worse by the fact that it wasn’t like all the men in this movie had an accent. We could have just had the guy speak in a normal voice and it would have been fine but for some reason when he came into auditions and puked a vaguely Irish sounding death knell into the microphone everyone thought “No, absolutely do that through the whole movie.”

I felt like Maleficients arc was kind of all over the place. I understood what they were trying to do and in the end it worked okay but I never really believed she was completely evil and never really believed she had gone all the way good either. None of the “big change” moments had the gravitas necessary to really make me buy in.

Weird plot holes popped up as well: Maleficent seems to forget she has magic at certain points when the director wanted some suspense. Because she really seems to have practically unlimited magic sometimes and other times just stands there looking beset upon while people whack her with sticks. It also seems like at some point someone could have explained why Maleficent was a million times bigger than the other fairies. Even just a yeah “Yeah my parents were giants” or “I was slammed in the face with a cake that made me grow a million times bigger than anyone else” would have been fine. I don’t even need a good explanation, just an explanation.

Finally: the movie has several sort of “TA-DA” moments where big reveals happen and you can practically picture the movie writers patting themselves on the back with how awesomely surprising they were. Unfortunately  these moments are PAINFULLY obvious and you just feel like the movie should get on with itself.

In Conclusion:

Maleficent is not what I was hoping for. I wanted a cool kind of behind the scenes look at a villain that always seemed awesome but didn’t really have a lot of backstory… or really, any backstory. Maleficent is not that. It’s a retelling of Sleeping Beauty that makes Maleficent the main character. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, I was just hoping for the other thing. In and of itself, Maleficent tells an okay story fairly well and features a really solid performance by Angelina Jolie. It’s not a great movie but it’s probably worth seeing as long as you’re not expecting too much from it.

I give it 3 Malleeeefeecienetttt’s out of 5.


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