Weekly Headlines 4/7/14

Posted: April 7, 2014 by Micah in Weekly Headlines
Tags: , , , , ,

Internet, hail and hark and… things. And how is the happenings? How haps the tremblings? How caps the… yeah I’m gonna stop. Immediately. And speaking of caps!!!!

I still haven’t seen Captain America 2. So we’re not gonna talk about it. At all. Except for to say I won’t talk about it. Which I won’t.

Instead let’s talk about umm… what are we gonna talk about guys? Oh ya know what we haven’t done in a while? We haven’t done…

Weekly Headlines 4/7/14 

In news we promised that I wouldn’t talk about mere sentences ago Captain America: The Winter Soldier premiered this weekend to rave reviews, high ticket sales, and Disney executives using the money to purchase the continent of Africa.

In news that I really really wish that I didn’t have to talk about they’re remaking Gremlins. Yup… Gremlins. This is like your mom cooking you a meal that prominently featured steak knife pieces and gastric acid and then announcing a year later that she’s remaking it with better technology and no concept of an original idea.

The Other Woman starring Cameron Diaz NEEDS TO STOP RUNNING ADDS!! We get it people-who-made-The-Other-Woman. Please stop. Because not only have you run a million different adds for your movie but it’s not even like your movie has a particularly original premise. A group of women find out they are in a relatiohsip with the same guy and get revenge on him? That’s been done. A lot. It’s been done badly a lot. And by all accounts you will probably do it badly as well. So at least let the people from Downy try and sell me more toilet paper or something and leave my computer alone!!

Godzilla keeps releasing trailers and teasers and all sorts of random weirdness all the while being very careful to never actually show ya know… Godzilla. I have no problem at all with this, I mean you obviously don’t want to give away Godzilla’s full look but PLEASE stop releasing trailers showing different angles of Godzilla’s left kneecap. One angle is enough.

Hey look it's a tiny part of a monster... again.

Hey look it’s a tiny part of a monster… again.

The Expendables 3 released a “Roll Call” trailer in which it displayed the names of all the famous old people in it. At this point the expendables has become the elderly nursing home of Hollywood. I mean Kelsey Grammer???? What is he doing in action movie? That’s like casting Amanda Seyfried in a meaningful romantic role in a beloved musical.

Oh wait...

Oh wait…

So in 2016 (two years from now for those counting) Captain America 3 and Batman vs. Superman will release on the same date!! And for some reason… everyone cared. Two years before the movies were supposed to come out. I mean I’m a movie guy a BIG movie guy? But two years???? I don’t care.


Consequently Transcendence (coming out ya know… before I turn 60) still looks awesome. Johnny Depp could actually be a super computer. Who would be surprised? If you punched “eccentric pirate” into a super-computer smart enough to rule humanity wouldn’t it spit out Jack Sparrow??

And in our last story Adam Sandler is making another movie. Why is he doing that?

Thanks for reading everyone check back in Thursday as I stubbornly write another Liam Neeson article just to see how long I can keep this up!!

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