Posted: April 3, 2014 by Micah in Movie Reviews
Tags: , , ,

Internet!! Here we are again, standing poised on the precipice of wonderful. The sweet sweet top of a delicious mountain of face punching. The warm aftertaste of a cool, coffee scented, mountain breeze. That’s right: it’s Liam Neeson Thursday!!!

Micah Reviews: Non-stop

Yeah... it's that sort of awesome.

Yeah… it’s that sort of awesome.

In Liam Neeson’s continued attempt to punch people in as many places as possible, he’s recently released Non-stop. A movie that could be summarized in three words Liam Neeson: airplane. What more do you need to know?? I could pack up this review now and take it home with me. I could spend the rest of the day trying to guess the next Liam Neeson three word summary. Possibly Liam Neeson: submarine. Or Liam Neeson: volcanoe. Or (somewhat less likely though no less interesting) Liam Neeson: Guacamole. This could go on forever!!! But instead, I shall just sit down and tell you about Non-stop because that seems more relevant.

The Plot:

Liam Neeson (his character has some other name like Brick Punchface or Max Facekill… actually I think it was actually Max… or perhaps Bill…) Anyway, Liam Neeson gets on a plane and he’s an Air Marshall. Somewhat oddly, the movie spends the first ten minutes going out of its way to not tell you that Liam is an air marshal. Despite the fact that every trailer for the movie told us VERY clearly that Neeson was an air marshal. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it just seems like an odd play on their part… it’s like the movie told you a secret and then the next day pretended it hadn’t told you. It was all like “what? What do you mean??? Air Marshall?? No he’s just a regular guy who happens to be Liam Neeson and is holding a gun in ALL OF THE POSTERS!!!”

Air Marshall??? What air marshall?

Air Marshal??? What air marshal?

Anyway again, Liam Neeson gets on a plane and he’s an air marshal and after a little while on the plane he starts receiving mysterious text messages from a mysterious text messenger (that’s right yeah? Text messenger? A messenger of texts?? sure… why not). But these are not the sort of mysterious text messages I receive, which usually say something along the lines of “who is this?” or “have you ever thought of renting a condo in florida??” No no. These are super stalker messages of terrorism. Some guy demanding millions of dollars or every twenty minutes he’ll buy a condo– I mean murder someone.

So Liam must spend several hours on a plane looking for people to punch, kick, neck break, and growl at in a manly fashion.

The Pros:

It’s a Liam Neeson.

"Thank you Micah. Thank you."

“Everyone raise your hands if you think I’m awesome.”

On the whole the movie holds together really well. The plot moves along really nicely and once the action gets going it doesn’t let up. It does fall apart a bit at the end (more on this later) but especially in the middle of things the movie does do very well for itself.

It’s a decent cast and the group of characters work well around the massive, golden, barbecue sauce scented mountain of awesome that is Liam Neeson on a plane.

The Negatrons:

Aside from the general generic action movie stuff: predictable overall plot, cheesiness of lines, reliance on the complete stupidity of everyone else in the film. Non-stop’s big problem is that at the end of things when the final villain is revealed you just don’t feel very impressed… and the reason he did it doesn’t really make a ton of sense. It’s like they wrote 4/5th of an awesome action movie and then just put all the characters names in a hat and picked one at random to see who would be the villain. And then after that they just sort of hit themselves with a hammer multiple times until they came up with some excuse for that particular person to have wanted to murder people on a plane. It’s a shame really cause the rest of the movie is good… in its own way.

In conclusion:

You probably already know whether you will like this movie or not. It’s Liam Neeson if you have liked any Liam Neeson movie since he stopped being all “touchy feely” and “in star wars” and stuff, you will like this one. It’s a solid action movie built on a good premise that moves along pretty well. It stumbles at the end and the villain isn’t up to the task but on the whole it’s a great ride (on a plane) that gets you exactly where you expect to go!

I give it a 3 out of 5.

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