Judging Covers 3/6/14

Posted: March 6, 2014 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , , , , ,

Hey America… and other countries, and welcome to Thursday. It’s been a while since I did a Judging Covers post but with all the new trailers dropping from the hands of the Movie lords I figured this would be a good time to wipe the dust off of my incredibly judgmental glasses and talk about some movies purely based on the stuff in their trailers. Per usual, all these trailers are available on youtube or the movie trailer watching site of your choice.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

That’s right folks: Transformers 4: Putting the Stink back into Extinction. I hung with the transformers series for a long time even after the dripping mass of dirty laundry and angry muskrats that was Transformers 2 I believed that Michael Bay could pull off something entertaining with Transformers 3… and the he did not. At all. The sad thing is that I really like Mark Wahlberg, but even the prettiest girl in the world would smell of old cheese after being thrown headfirst into a melted vat of Limburger. The trailer seems to hit all the “bad Transformers movie” checkboxes. Obligatory hot girl in short shorts who can’t act, FBI guy who is a villain (but probably joins the good guys by the end), Scientist who doesn’t think we need transformers, screamy shot of Optimus Prime, etc. Not only does this look like a bad movie, it looks like the same bad movie we’ve already seen twice.

Annie

A trailer that just came out yesterday, the new Annie seems to be poised to make all of our childhood memories well up inside us like emotional gastrointestinal problems!– ew. Sorry… no idea what happened there. Umm– Cameron Diaz as Mrs. Hannigan seems like an odd choice but at this point Cameron Diaz is an odd choice to play a non-speaking character in a Geico commercial, so I guess I can’t be to thrown by this. Jamie Foxx seems charming and the little girl playing Annie looks face punchingly adorable so this movie will probably be all the things we want it to be, even if we just want it to be a fun new take on a very old story.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier 

There are about twenty different trailers out for this movie and it is officially starting to get on my wife’s nerves. It’s hard to disagree with her though, I mean, we all know Captain America is the worst of the Avenger’s super-heroes but at this point it just feel like he’s standing behind the Hulk jumping up and down, waving his arms, and desperately begging us to give him some attention. I’m already at least somewhat intrigued by this movie but am unlikely to get more excited no matter how many times Marvel shows me an aircraft carrier on fire. Calm down, Marvel. It’s gonna be okay.

But look how sad he is Micah!! He just wants to be loved.

But look how sad he is Micah!! He just wants to be loved.

Godzilla 

Godzilla’s first full trailer hit the internet last week and pretty much cleared up nothing at all about the movie. Godzilla will be big and will punch things, Aaron Taylor-Johnson is going to make an “oh no” face a lot, and then there’s some other guy who looks like a shaggy haired Robert Redford who seems to mostly be in the movie so he can over act really badly. I’m not saying Godzilla will be a bad movie (it probably won’t be) but it also isn’t really making me think it’s going to be a good movie. So far the trailers could be summarized by just saying “hey look at all this broken stuff!!!” And just having a bunch of cities get smashed doesn’t really make a good movie, right Man of Steel??? (glares at Superman)

Guardians of the Galaxy 

Ah, the sweet sweet scent of an awesome trailer. Guardians of the Galaxy looks like it’s shaping up to be an awesome new entry in Marvel’s already awesome universe. The movie just looks so distinct and seems like it’s going to land right in that sweetspot between “not taking itself too seriously” while also being a big action movie with a decent amount of heart. The cast looks great, the script seems sharp, and the action looks significantly big and explosiony. I’m pretty much all in on this one from here on out and (while there’s still a chance I’m wrong) this trailer only encourages my belief that we could be looking at something special here.

I was gonna put "your welcome" down here but Marvel already did. That's the kind of movie we're talking about here folks.

I was gonna put “your welcome” down here but Marvel already did. That’s the kind of movie we’re talking about here folks.

And there you have it guys!! Thanks for checking in and we will see you next week!

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