300th postiversary!!

Posted: February 20, 2014 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , ,

Hello internet! And welcome once more to that most cherished event of events: a postiversary!! This year celebrating our 300th post, that’s like 294 more posts then there are Star Wars movies!! That’s 291 more posts then there are Sherlock episodes!! That’s 253 more posts then episodes of Doctor Who that featured David Tennant!!! Sure none of that has to do with actual  blogging but hey, what better way to sum up my first three hundred posts then with something that has nothing to do with any of them!! Thanks so much for those of you who have read this blog for so long! You guys are the best and always keep me going even when I really don’t really feel like posting (which does happen… a lot.)

Anyway though, what possible post is worthy of this high and mighty 300th post?? … No seriously, what? Well I don’t know… um…   Well how about umm… Oh I got it, okay. Let’s find out which post has been read the most in the entire history of 300 posts and then we’ll do a spin-off of that, huh? Okay, let’s rock that out. Hang on.  All right… waiting for it to load now! The single most viewed post of all three hundred things I have posted is…

Avatar!!

What? Ew. Gross. Internet!! That’s nasty guys. I hated that movie. A lot. Fine…. I’ll post about it. Hang on a second…

5 Things I Learned from Avatar

There we go… well… this is gonna be interesting.

1. It turns out Unobtanium is actually totally obtainable.

Cause going to a planet looking for something called unobtanium seems like a lost cause, but it turns out you can totally obtain it. The question is: once you can obtain unobtanium does it cease to be unobtanium by pure nature of being obtained?  Does it just become “Reallyreallyhardtofind-ium?” Or “wowyoufoundit-ium?” Course really I suppose I should take this as an uplifting sign right? I mean what a triumph of the human spirit!! We obtained unobtanium!! There really is no limit to what you can achieve guys!! Way to go!

And then this guy uses it for a desk decoration! An unobtanium paper weight... really?

And then this guy uses it for a desk decoration! An unobtanium paper weight… really?

2. The best way to negotiate with a superstitious tribe of natives is to make clones of their bodies and animate them!!

I know it seems like that would only freak out a vastly technologically inferior people group but it totally doesn’t. I mean, if humanity was being invaded by aliens but the aliens were sending down animated human clones to negotiate with us that would make me feel TONS better… I guess… maybe… but actually not at all. That would be SUPER creepy and horrifying.

3. The best way to to make a huge blockbuster movie is to copy Disney almost exactly.

You knew I was gonna bring this up again. Avatar is basically just “blue Pocahontas in Space” but that took way too long to spell. In Avatars defense it at least did it before DC comics came along and tried to copy Marvel/Disney’s “The Avengers.” It’s hard to object to people copying the most wildly successful movie studio in history but you could at least try and hide it. Like come up with a couple new plot points or make the blue people a little less super obviously based on native americans.

4. Predators don’t look up.

No seriously, check it out!! Trying to catch a Tiger by the tail? Just drop down on it from above!! Looking for a new crocodile leather purse? Just drop down on it from above! You’re totally fine. It’s like taking candy from a huge, massive, death monster!!

From above???? Inconceivable.

From above???? Inconceivable.

5.    If you’re ever trying to subdue a native population the best thing to do is light there massive tree house/church house on fire while killing very few of the actual population.

Because remember, you’re not trying to kill them (that would be mean) you’re just trying to break their spirit by lighting their most significant symbol on fire. Just like walking into a pride of lions and lighting the head lions tail on fire would totally pacify the group. Or like walking into a party of twenty year old girls and lighting a picture of Channing Tatum would absolutely break their hearts. They wouldn’t instantly be united against you and beat you to death with their chairs and stilettos. It would calm them right down. Cause we all know that all you have to do is mildly depress a people group and they just wander off into the night and are never heard from again, well done Captain. Well done.

So thanks Avatar, where would I be without you? Without these valuable lessons!! And thanks for audience for reading!! You guys are awesome, and my favorite! 300 posts and tons of awesome sweet sauce people reading those posts. I’ll see you next week, same bad time, same bad station!

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