Internet!! Sheesh, the time I have had!! So remember how the last two years or so I’ve been sick? Well guess what?? Last week I got sick again with something else on top of the something else that I already had from something else. It was wonderful. Like someone taking a hammer, wrapping it in the plot from “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and bludgeoning my face to death with it. Like your “socially aware” facebook friend not only littering all over your facebook feed with their “relevant thoughts” but also inviting you to play Farmville with them… hourly. Anyway though, I seem to be better now. Again. So before some other plague comes and attacks my spleen-heart let’s look at the box office shall we? What’s been going at the theater? What’s in theaters? And why is Pandora playing “When Will My Life Begin” from Tangled??? Stop that.
The Box Office Top Ten 12/23
10. Thor: The Dark World
Yup, Thor’s still hanging around. Punching people with hammers and having witty word-play with Loki or something like that. I’m totally okay with this. This is week 7 of the Thor 2 experience and given that I already wrote about a thousand words in which I practically proposed to this movie I feel there’s not really much more I need to say here.
9. Dhoom 3
I have no idea what this movie is about… let me look at the synopsis here… Okay I read the synopsis and I still have no idea what it’s about. I’m assuming if you liked Dhoom 1 and 2 though this movie is for you. If you haven’t seen those movies you probably already skipped this paragraph and are midway through the next one, so I suppose at this point I’m just padding the length of this article and creating a really REALLY long run-on sentence… and now I forget what I was doing… let’s just move on and pretend this whole thing never happened. Kind of like what I’m going to do with Dhoom 3!!
8. Walking with Dinosaurs
Apparently this moving is about Dinosaurs. Who walk. Frankly this movie has gotten TERRIBLE reviews so I’m just gonna leave it at that and move on. If you’re looking for a kids movie to watch, just hang out and wait for Frozen and if you’ve already seen Frozen hang out and wait for The Secret Life of Walter Mitty which at least has gotten mixed reviews. Whereas critics have universally agreed that this movie may have, indirectly, been responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs due to said dinosaurs wanting to make sure they weren’t around to watch this film.
7. Tyler Perry’s: A Madea Christmas
Here’s a film confession: I’ve never watched a whole Madea movie. I’ve seen bits and pieces here and there but here’s another film confession: I find it SUPREMELY creepy that Madea is played by a man. Like I can’t sit there and separate myself from the idea that I’m watching a man dressed as an old woman dispensing funny but heartfelt advise to other young people. It’s like Mrs. Doubtfie except minus all the Robin Williams parts and I just can’t do that.
6. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Another movie that I already reviewed but let me summarize it for those of you who don’t want to scroll down the page and read me making fun of Pita for a couple paragraphs. It’s a very good movie, better overall drive then the first film and a much tighter experience then the first film; though it does falter the tiniest bit at the end. There, five people just started wondering why I don’t just summarize my reviews that well all the time the answer being: I have no idea… less room for Pita jokes I guess.
5. Saving Mr. Banks
Walt Disney’s movie about Walt Disney making a movie (yeah, you thought my sentences were confusing before. Well buckle up Cupcake) rolls in at number 5. Tom Hanks (who I don’t like much) and Emma Thompson (who I like a lot) star in a movie about the making of a movie that came to be called “Mary Poppins.” The movies gotten great reviews and actually seems to be very interesting so if you’re at all interested in the concept I’d definitely recommend checking it out.
4. American Hustle
A con-man movie starring fat-Christian Bale, puffy haired Bradley Cooper, and Elvis-haired Jeremy Renner American Hustle has gotten pretty good reviews and seems to live up to the potential of its Director and Cast. I recommend it but it is rated R so it’s probably not your family Christmas movie destination. It and Saving Mr. Banks are both desperately trying to bait down an Oscar so expect a certain amount of film snobbery and the occasional long monologue about the meaning of life while the main actors wink at the camera and “accidentally” pose in the exact statue position of the Oscar-man.
This is actually your family Christmas movie experience. Frozen has continued to perform well at the box office and get great reviews from critics and movie-goers alike so bring your family out to this one then home to prepare for the eventual world domination of the Walt Disney company who (all joking aside) have THREE movies on this list. What do they feed those people?
2. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
A comedy starring Will Ferrell, some other people who probably aren’t as funny, and your sense of nostalgia Achorman 2 couldn’t quite top the number one movie but opened very respectively and actually got pretty decent reviews so I guess if you’re in the mood for a comedy this is the one for you. As a person who is rarely in the mood for a straight comedy I will probably not be partaking in the mustache but hey, who am I to rain on your parade? To moisten your march? To precipitate on your procession? Nobody. That’s who.
1. The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug
I haven’t actually gotten out to watch this yet (see above paragraphs on my raging disease filled December) but everyone seems to be of the mind that this is a much better movie then its predecessor “The Hobbit: Conversations with Old People.” The movie picks up from where the last movie left off, directly after the eagles stranded the dwarves on top of a mountain for no reason. Seriously though, it’s definitely worth the watch regardless of your thoughts on the first movie, and Smaug (who actually appears in this movie) is the legit!!
So there you goes guys… or go guy… or go-go… So there you go. The top ten movies of the box office! Thanks for sticking around guys, hopefully all will be well, I will be well, and you will be well as we head into what I hope is a very merry Christmas for you all.