Well hey internet! You’ll be happy to know that I’m actually feeling better!! Not that you actually care about my personal health but now you can at least not have to read my complainy sentences! So grats to everyone really!! And now that that’s all settled: let’s talk about the Sound of Music (LIVE)!! Ironically I already reviewed the original Sound of Music way back in the days before Carrie Underwood strapped on her havoc… habit?? Her nun-hat and ruined everything you thought you knew about your favorite things. But never the less in my continued persuit of the fleeting pleasure of man here is…
Micah Reviews: The Sound of Music 2013
The plot: Nothing super surprising here except to note that EVERYTHING is out of order. It seems that this version is done not according to the Disney film (beloved by several millions of people) but rather according to the original Broadway script (beloved by several field-mice whomade nests out of its unused pages) as weird as it sounds this really screws with the nostalgia factor. You’re sitting there expecting to be able to enjoy this nice sort of retro evening of entertainment and then all the sudden Maria starts singing “a few of my favorite things” in the NUNNARY!! What???? It’s like that first time you went over to someone’s house and they waited till AFTER hou’derves to murder the zombies… it just doesn’t make a lot of sense. Things are done in this order for a certain reason you savages!!!
(A complete side note: I have yet to hear “A Few of My Favorite Things” this holiday season and I would like to take a second and just thank America for that. Cause let me be very clear here: that’s not a Christmas Carol!!! What about that song has anything to do with Christmas?? Sure it talks about “brown paper packages tied up with string” but that’s not like… just Christmas presents. I mean I get a ton of packages and not only are most of them not Christmas presents but some of them are not my favorite things. Anyway… back to the movie—play… thing.)
Also: Maria sings the Lonely Goatherder in the room with the children during a thunderstorm! Who does that? What kind of terrible person sits around with a bunch of children in a thunderstorm and says “now seems like a good time for some goat-talk!!” It’s just weird. At least in the movie we had the horrible terrible puppet show to haunt our dreams afterwards. No such luck here.
Anyway Maria is a Nun but she is apparently kind of terrible at it because everyone hates her. And let’s be clear it takes a lot of work to make nuns hate you… not that I’ve tried… or anything. As punishment for being a terrible nun the Nuns send Maria off to be the Governor of a small Austrian county… wait wait… oh Governess. Silly Germans. They send her to be the governorESS of a small Austrian county worth of children all of whom have the collective IQ of chewed up silly putty. Along with their father who it seems has spent the last several years of his life slowly turning his face into a rock.
Over the course of the next nine or so hours Maria educates the children… but not in like the educational way. No. Maria instead teaches them about frolicking in fake looking meadows, wearing drapes, and singing like a small girls choir (see that? That’s a dangling modifier joke!! Do I mean a choir of small girls or a small choir of girls of various sizes? It doesn’t matter! Deliberate confusion! Eat it Grammar!!!) Eventually of course Maria and Captain Von Trapp fall in love and assumedly have even MORE children who will be able to act even less.
The positives: I took very little away from the Sound of Music LIVE: THE REMIX!!! But ya know what?? I love the idea. I think it’s awesome that NBC bank rolled some live theater for the American public to watch. I love that it seems like a lot of people actually watched it and I hope that they try again! I love theater and if something like this gets people interested and gives us something to talk about I say more power to it. So thanks NBC!! … … And now that that’s done.
The Negatrons: Ha ha ha. Sorry… I was just laughing at Stephen Moyer again. I realize Stephen Moyer is something of a cult figure (and yes this is Stephen Moyer who plays a Vampire in True Blood and not Stephenie Meyer who writes the Twilight novels) but judging him purely on his performance in this the man might not actually be alive. Like he may be dead. And not even in a “oh he’s making a vampire joke” sort of way but in an actual “he may be a corpse with strings attached” sort of way. Also, was he British or German?? I’m not sure and I’m not entirely sure he was either. Moyer “leads” a cast of actors who routinely drop every ball within easy reach. The children are bad, the adults are bad, and the pants are not nearly long enough.
Speaking of pants why didn’t Rolf ever wear them? Everytime he came on screen I was stuck between laughing at his knees and throwing up which trust me is EXACTLY as unpleasant as it sounds. I mean you would really think the prerequisites for being a nazi would be something like: homicidal maniac, blond, unquestioning obedience, an ability to wear pants. Apparently though, they don’t care how long your shorts are as long as you can heil some Hitler’s or whatever.
Now on to the big talking point: Carrie Underwood. Playing a role once played by Julie Andrews and coming out on the other side with a favorable comparison is impossible. That said: she was pretty bad. I mean she can sing (which is more than I can say for Captain Stone-face) but her acting left a lot to be desired. A. LOT. Also as much respect as I have for the American South I feel like she really should have dropped the southern accent when she signed on to play a German governorett but ya know… that’s just me.
In a underratedly hilarious happenstance the guy who plays uncle Max in this movie is named Christian Borle which makes him sound a lot like a cheaper less sugary version of Christian Bale. And that is a great summary of this play. It’s not horrible (or at least not unwatchably horrible) but you can’t shake the feeling that you should just be watching the movie. I love the idea here and I hope NBC takes another crack at the live theater thing but the spectacle here unfortunately becomes how bad the acting is and not how cool the idea was. It’s worth watching just prep yourself for a laugh and not for anything really meaningful.
There you go guys! The Sound of Music Live. I did it for you!! Thanks for reading and check back Monday as I review Disney’s latest attempt to conquer the hearts and minds of the world: Frozen.