The Weekly Headlines 10/14/2013

Posted: October 14, 2013 by Micah in Weekly Headlines
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Hey Internet! Sorry for missing my posting day Thursday, I was in the midst of a rather desperate disagreement with my stomach as to the proper orientation for food directionality. Or (less delicately) I was puking. Everything. I went to work the other day and had to tighten my belt an extra rung to make up for the fact that my stomach had shrunk to the size of a walnuts nostril. But anyway, here we stand at the start of a new week with our eyes facing the teacher and our hands folded in our laps. I mean… nevermind.

Weekly Headlines 10/14/2013

In our lead story today the Boston Red Sox won a crazy CRAZY game last night. We came back from 5 behind to tying the game in the eighth inning on a grand slam by David Ortiz and then winning the game on a single in the ninth inning! I was listening to the game (cause I’m unwilling to pay four million dollars to the cable company just so I can forget when my shows are on and have to watch them later anyway) and if ever a dance was done lying in bed without waking up a sleeping wife I have done that dance. And I have done it beautifully. Like a swan. Under a coverlet.

Yes, David Ortiz ladies and gentlemen. Thrilling and chilling since 2004.

Yes, David Ortiz ladies and gentlemen. Thrilling and chilling since 2004.

In continued sporting news my fantasy football team is terrible this year. The only nice thing about that is that I have first dibs on free agents every week so all of the good teams hate me cause I keep stealing all the good free agents. I still lose mind you but at least I get to be annoying, so who’s the real winner? … Yeah it’s totally them isn’t it?

In movie news the trailer for I, Frankenstein is out! I, Frankenstein is a movie by the same people who made Underworld (awesome) and based on a very cool graphic novel. Here’s the thing: Underworld is an awesome movie with a great visual style but the story was always its weakest point. ESPECIALLY in the second and third movie where the story had all the depth and emotion of a particularly flat picture of Isaac Newton. But with this movie they’ve already got an interesting story cause they’re stealing it from the graphic novel! What could possibly go wrong?

It's just like Frankenstein!! Except ya know for the knives and the angels and demons and... pretty much everything.

It’s just like Frankenstein!! Except ya know for the knives and the angels and demons and… pretty much everything.

Gravity took top spot at the box office for the second week in a row as critics and comics alike continue to sing the praises of George Clooney, Sandra Bullock, and the Oscar worthy performance of the Milky Way galaxy.   

For those of you wondering, Sleepy Hollow is actually kind of awesome. Awesome in a “hold your loved ones close cause you are about to be horribly scarred by the next forty five minutes” but hey… that’s cool I guess.

So there’s a trailer out for the new Hercules movie, and no not “Hercules” starring Dwayne Johnson. This is “Hercules: The Legend Begins” starring a bunch of people no one has ever heard of. This movie is coming out first quarter 2014 and as we all know the first quarter is where bad movies crawl to die a slow timely death so… probably don’t concern yourself too much with this one.

A new study has shown that chewing popcorn in movie theaters may reduce the effectiveness of pre-movie ads. Yup. Someone felt the need to study this.

And finally the number two spot at the box office this week went to Captain Phillips (a Tom Hanks movie) and not “Machete Kills” (a stupid movie.) For some reason certain people were surprised that a stupid sequel to a terrible movie that nobody watched the first time didn’t do better business. Cause after all: Grown Ups 2.

Aw, and you thought I was done picking on Adam Sandler!?!? Poor internet. Anyway, I’m back y’all check on back in this very Thursday when I will (hopefully) review Gravity!

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