Oh dear friends of the internet, hello, and welcome to another Monday. Technically of course I write these Sunday nights so this whole blog started out with a lie. Then again, if I’ve established anything over the course of this blog it’s that I’ll lie for a cheap laugh. Or even just for a cheap sentence. Like that one.

Anyway though, this is no time for lies! No sir, this is a time for truth, justice, and bold fonty typed letters.

The Box Office Top Ten 10/7/13 

10. Enough Said

Sneaking in at number 10 is “Enough Said” a movie that stars James Gandolfini and “that girl from Seinfeld.” It’s actually gotten pretty good reviews but it’s playing at roughly four theaters and all the tickets have already been bought by fans of Seinfeld and the Sopranoes so I guess us mere mortals that don’t live in Hollywood will have to wait for this to come out on DVD.

9. Pulling Strings

Alejandro is a mariachi singer and a single dad trying to get to America… And somehow that becomes a movie. I guess. And they kidnap somebody. Yeah… no idea. And do not care.

8. Insidious: Chapter 2

Insidious (Chapter 1) was a moderately scary movie about a little boy who was some kind of magical revolving door to the spirit world or something like that. Anyway, Insidious Chapter 2 continues the journey of the Whatever family as they delve into their past to find out things that probably have to do with demons that look like Darth Maul. My only hope with this series is that they continue the whole “chapters of a book theme” so that eventually they can make a prequel and call it “Insidious: Table of Contents.”

7. Baggage Claim

I literally have no idea what this movie is about. And ya know what? I really don’t care. All I know is it’s about a flight attendant desperatetly trying to get engaged and the movie synopsis contains the phrase “comedic encounters” which means the movie may be many MANY things but that “comedic” will not be one of them.

Even the poster is trying to just a little too hard.

Even the poster is trying just a little too hard.

6. Don Jon

A movie about a guy who’s addicted to porn and then falls in love… no idea where the story goes from there. Or how that is a story. Also Scarlet Johnanssen is in this movie and has a HORRENDOUS New York accent. I almost let Bilbo (my pet vampire chinchilla) eat my ear canals midway through the trailer just so I could stop listening to her talk.

5. Rush

All you formula 1 fans out there here’s your movie. Seriously though guys, this is supposed to be a pretty good movie, plus it’s got Chris Hemsworth in it without a beard OR a hammer!! Rename this movie “Thor Incognito” and I would be all over this!! As is I’ll still probably watch it at some point but I feel since I don’t actually watch the racing it would be very hypocritical of me to show up to the theater. Like when I went tothe fourth Twilight movie with my wife and kept having to ask the people around us questions. Like, what elementary school had kidnapped the vampires and glued glitter to them?

"Rush" cause "Speed" was taken and "Really Really Fast" didn't make it past marketing.

“Rush” cause “Speed” was taken and “Really Really Fast” didn’t make it past marketing.

4. Prisoners

Jake Gyllenhall and Hugh Jackmen star in a movie about a guy who kidnaps a guy who he thinks kidnapped his children. Sort of like that time when I ate the jello of a guy who I thought had kidnapped my children. – I mean my jello. Which I found shortly afterwords… and then ate. – The more I think about it the less it seems the two have in common, and yet here I am at the end of a paragraph having said very little about this movie. So, really nothing new there huh?

3. Runner Runner

You might think a movie starring Ben Affleck fresh off the Batman announcement would do better than this but it has the fact that it’s a really bad movie working against it. I have nothing imparticular against Justin Timberlake, he’s not necessarily a bad actor he’s just not really ready to carry the plot of a movie and if we’re being honest there’s not a great deal of plot to carry here so… yeah.

2. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2

Not really a lot to say here honestly. The first movie was good in sort of quirky oddball way, and this movie seems to be more of the same. I honestly like the first film, it was a movie that didn’t take itself too seriously and wasn’t afraid to make fun of its own premise which you need to be able to do when you’re making a movie about a children’s book with the premise of giant raining food.

Ba ha! see?

Ba ha! see?

1. Gravity

Well done America!! Gravity netted itself not only the biggest October opening ever but also opened bigger then George Clooney’s previous biggest movie opening “Batman & Robin” something that no one is more grateful for then George Clooney. In addition to that, Gravity scored a whopping 98 percent approval on rottentomatoes.com! I am very excited to watch this movie and will be in theaters anxiously trying to forget that whole Batman & Robin sentence that I just typed.

So there you have it guys, this weeks box office and one big resounding lesson learned: le’go of my jello! Wait I mean: watch Gravity!! Yeah… that one.

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