See guys this is what happens: september comes around and all the sudden there’s nothing to write about. Oh the summer it’s like new movie a week but now it’s pretty much just news about movies that are coming out several years from now and Miley Cyrus continuing her campaign to single handedly gross out the internet. If she keeps up at this rate she’ll probably just stop people from using it entirely. People will go back to snail mailing things just to eliminate any chance that Miley will show up and try to lick something.
So anyway that still leaves us sitting here without a blog topic waiting for something to write about. I thought of doing a blog on the Red Sox and how excited I am that they’re good but then I thought that if I wrote that it would probably jinx them right back to mediocrity. I mean, I’m probably jinxing them right now just by talking about not jinxing them. Plus after trying to explode the entire world of football in my last post I figure I should probably leave the sporting world alone for a while before a bunch of football fans show up at my house with huge armchairs and start grumpily telling me how I could write my blog better.
As far as movies go the only interesting thing in theaters right now is Riddick which I’ve talked about like… three times. Which is probably about three times more then it deserves, honestly. I mean I’ll probably watch it but Riddick is basically the hot dog of cinema. I mean you can eat a hot dog and enjoy it but it’s not necessarily something you should write home about. Or blog about. Unless you’re just using it as an analogy about something you shouldn’t talk about in which case you can totally talk about it… I think.
And as far as movies upcoming most of the movie news is about stuff that’s literally going to occur two years from now. Joss Whedon cast someone to play a robot character and everyone got excited but I’ve got TWO YEARS to be excited about that. I mean I just found something sticky on the leg of my pants that’s just as relevant to you and your lives as the fact that James Spader is going to play a character in a movie in two years.
In other super far away news JK Rowling just announced that she writing a movie that’s gonna be a spin-off of the Harry Potter series!! The movie will probably be called “”Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them” and will probably be about… Fantastic Beasts… and Where to Find Them. – So now we can all try and figure out exactly what that means for the next couple years until the movie comes out and turns out to be about Harry Potter’s nephew Pansy Potter and his collection of fishing worms.
As far as video games go I’m just playing Borderlands 2 right now. Borderlands 2 is great and all but right now my strategy mostly involves hiding behind rocks with my sniper rifle whistling the theme to Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood as I snipe people. Even then I don’t usually hit what I’m aiming at the first time, video game characters have to willingly place their heads into my cross hairs, close their eyes, and meditate for several minutes on what it feels like to be rock embedded in a pool of golden legos before I can hit them anyway. And (as you may have noticed) that’s not great blog material.
So see? There’s literally nothing going on worth talking about. Nothing. This whole blog has been me not so subtly killing time like a lost freshman speech student trying to get to the right minute count. My foot voluntarily fell asleep just cause it wasn’t interested in what I was doing. My laptop monitor is super dim because the computer decided it had better things to do with its time then watch me type in a confused circle around myself. This is the blog version of that Winny the Pooh story where Pooh follows his own footprints around a bush for a full day before tragically tripping over a carton of Easter Peeps. – I’m hazy on the ending there.
And speaking of endings here we are at last friends. The end of what was probably the most pointless blog you have ever read. I mean you could have been reading one of those fitness blogs, or finding out how to talk to introverts (just don’t) or whatever the big new internet thing that all your friends won’t stop sharing is right now. But instead you were here, reading the literary equivalent of a cheese sandwhich. Congratulations America. Thanks for reading guys, check back Monday when I promise I’ll have figured out something to write about. But now to sing us out: it’s Miley Cyrus!!