Weekly Headlines 9/9/13

Posted: September 9, 2013 by Micah in Weekly Headlines
Tags: , , , , ,

Internet!! Good gravity but it’s been a while! Fear not for me nor mine eternal soul for all is well in the realm of Thoughts We Might Have Had. Monday of last week was Labor Day so in an increasingly hilarious turn of events I didn’t do anything that day. Thursday was not labor day and so in keeping with what you would expect me to do on a day that was NOT labor day, I did nothing. See how that all works? But now that I’m back let’s jump straight back into the news with some weekly headlines!

Weekly Headlines 9/9/2013

Taking the top spot in the box office this week was “Riddick” a movie about Vin Diesel trying to be as growly and awesome as possible while a lot of really bad actors get murdered by Riddick himself, aliens, and any vaguely sharpened object.

The National Football League started play this week prompting millions and millions of people to sit on a couch, eat potato chips, and describe in great detail how they could easily do what the highly payed, expertly trained, testosterone laden professional athletes are doing.

The Robocop re-boot released a new trailer this week, assuring audiences that the original movies already predictable plot will be even more predictable. That’s right folks watching Robocop is like punching yourself in the face as a child, waiting a decade or so, and then punching your face again just to see if anything has changed.

The month of November continued to taunt us all with its good movies and exciting premises as we all continued to sit through the month of September talking about Vin Diesel and anxiously looking forward to a movie about intelligent fruit. Oh cruel November, come quickly.

In the world of Video Games I’ve recently started playing a lot of Borderlands 2. The side effect of this being that I’ve started looking inside of every fridge, toilet, and un-nailed down house pet for guns. It begins to weary my wife.

In direct opposition to that thing I wrote roughly five paragraphs ago “Gravity” a movie starring George Clooney, Sandra Bullock, and the whole of space actually looks like it could be pretty good. If nothing else unlike most of the other movies coming out in the next month or so at least it seems like at some point in the movies early stages someone said to someone else “So what would be an intelligent premise for a movie?”

"So now that we've all been stranded in space... can we talk about my emotions?"

“So now that we’ve all been stranded in space… can we talk about my emotions?”

Hugh Jackman (he of the sweet Wolverine claws of sweetness) recently said that audiences should be excited about next year’s confusingly named “X-men: Days of Future Past” because it was “basically three movies in one”… you realize Hugh that that’s not like… a good thing?  A good thing would be if it were “one really good movie in one.” I’m not saying that just because the movie has a cast of people roughly the equivalent of animals on Noah’s ark that it won’t have time to tell a story but—no wait that’s exactly what I’m saying.

The Wizard of Oz 3D comes out soon, just going to show that there’s nothing so sacred to Hollywood that they won’t slap some ill-conceived effects on it and parade it out in front of audiences in the names of making 10 dollars. This is like taking an old dog gluing a fish to him and then asking him to walk on a tight rope across the Grand Canyon. Not only is it a bad idea, it just doesn’t make a lot of sense to go watch it.

We're off to see the Wizard, the Wizard of Oz in 3D!

We’re off to see the Wizard, the Wizard of Oz in 3D!

So there you have it guys. I’m back, check back Thursday for another gripping post on the happenings inside of my brain. Thank you, Internet, and good night.

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