Weekly Headlines 8-13-2013

Posted: August 13, 2013 by Micah in Weekly Headlines
Tags: , , , , , ,

Hey everyone and welcome to another stunning entry in the Weekly Headlines series. After missing the post yesterday I’m back and ready to go, refreshed like a ninja returning from the deepest darkest depths of the placid soul of Keanu Reeves. Let’s rock this party out!

In our lead story Vin Diesel (he of the bald head and semi-truck sized pectorals) may be voicing the character “Groot” in Marvels super-hero story “Guardians of the Galaxy” (coming to theaters next summer.) Groot only says one thing “I am Groot” so Diesel said that after years of body building and hazy steroid use that it would probably only take him a few months to get his lines down.

In an unrelated story if Vin Diesel is reading this blog I am SOOOO sorry. Please don’t eat me, I really like the first Riddick movie and umm… parts of the second one… and uh. Look over there it’s a giant protein shake! *runs*

Christopher Nolan’s next movie “Interstellar” will begin filming soon. Interstellar has something to do with space and the sun and things, though for all we know after his last non-batman movie (Inception) it may not actually involve any of those things and instead be the story of the very vivid dreams of a drunk kitten.

Mel Gibson was recently confirmed as the lead villain for Expendables 3. Gibson (who you’ll remember from movies that your mom used to think were too violent) hasn’t been a relevant actor for the last decade or so which means all he has to do is forget most of the things he ever knew about acting, full-sentences, and not-black-clothing and he’ll fit right in with the rest of the cast.

Ian McDiarmid who played the Evil Emperor in Star Wars Episode 3 has recently been attached to rumors that he may return to the Star Wars saga in Episode 7. This prompted hundreds of thousands of Star Wars fans to go “Wait Ian McDiarmid is still ALIVE? He looked four hundred years old in the last movie, and I’m pretty sure that was the youngest he’s looked in a while.”

I’m currently involved in a kickstarter project!! You should click this LINK and go watch the videos with the scripts that I (your noble writer) hath written!!

Taking the top spot at the box office this week was Elysium. A movie that stars Matt Damon and a cardboard cutout of Academy Award Nominee Jodie Foster. Also, in a futuristic society set so many years in the future why does Matt Damon have a Boston accent?

Amanda Seyfried is scheduled to be in a new movie called “It Doesn’t Matter, Amanda Seyfried is in this. Of course it will be bad, she has all the acting nuance of a bear dancing on greased linolium.”

And finally: number 10 at the box office is Grown Ups 2 final proof that America does not like itself. What are you people doing??? This movie has been out long enough, SURELY someone has said to you in between your visits to Low IQ-r-Us that Grown Ups 2 is a bad movie. Just take your net dollars put it in the blender with some gasoline and then light your house on fire. That will be better use of your money. I promise.

Thanks for reading everyone!! Check back Thursday for more up to date pop culture news and out of date animal references!

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