Hey everyone, so for those of you who live in a bucket of some kind, or who have (dare we type it) a social life with actual friends that you actually talk to in person you may not know that Comic-con was last week!! For many years Comic-con was a place where nerdy people went to spend tons of money on memorabilia and stand closer to hot women then they will ever be able to in any non comic-con related event. Nowadays things have changed no comic-con is a where a lot of nerdy people go to spend tons of money on memorabilia, stand next to hot women, AND go to panels where the people who make comic book movies or vaguely comic book related things talk about their plans for the future in ways that will probably eventually turn out not to be true at all. Here are some things we learned at Comic-con and some thoughts I might have had about them.

 Avengers 2

Avengers 2 was officially titled “Age of Ultron” last week which was very significant for reasons that I am sure I don’t understand.

the-avengers-2-age-of-ultron-logo

Well… we know the title now. So… what are we supposed to do for the next two years again?

Basically, Ultron is an evil robot person and (in the comics anyway) there’s this whole big storyline where he takes over the earth and blows up everything, and replaces all milk cartons with soy milk without clearly labeling them. Seriously though it’s all time travely and Wolverine factors heavily into it (awkward because Marvel doesn’t actually own the film rights to Wolverine right now) so the odds of Avengers 2: Age of Ultron looking anything at all like the comic books “Age of Ultron” are roughly the same as Joss Whedon calling and offering me the role of Ultron in the movie. That said: at least we now know the title of the movie which should give fans more than enough to wildly speculate about, until it actually comes out several years from now.

Thor 2

They showed a new trailer for Thor 2!! But we can’t see it. So… I guess nothing really to report here then… well… this is awkward.

" I have come to thee with a new trailer!! But most of you canst not watcheth it... for reasons... that I totally hath."

” I have come to thee with a new trailer!! But most of you canst not watcheth it… for reasons… that I totally hath.”

Doctor Who

They showed a new trailer for Doctor Who!! But we can’t see it… Man. They did say that they haven’t chosen the next Doctor yet which isn’t so much a news story as it is a confirmation that there isn’t a story. This would be like a senator from Maine saying that the state hadn’t decided to be called “Mooselandia.” Sure it’s true, but it’s not exactly relevant.

X:Men Days of Future Past

I’m super worried about this movie being terrible. You know when the last time an X:men movie started going on and on about how big its cast was and how “grand a scale” the movie was going to be on? It was X3. Which is a bad bad movie. The worst of the X:men movies and I’m including “Wolverine Origins” AKA “Wolverine and his less cool friends that will get too much screen time” in that list. The comics this is based on is good in a trippy sort of way and I sincerely hope this movie turns out okay as I think the chance is there, but I’m very worried that it’s just gonna become another movie that distracts itself with all of its cool mutant powers and forgets to be a good movie.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Hey they released a new trailer and guess what?? We can totally watch it! In fact, I high recommend watching it. Cause after watching the old trailer I was very dubious as to whether or not this movie was going to be any good. Cause ya know the one thing the first trailer (which was roughly an hour long) didn’t have?? The Hunger Games. For all I saw in the first trailer the movie should have just been called “The Hunger:” One of my main problems with the first movie was that there seemed to be a little too much Hunger and not enough game. This trailer though seems to give us hope that something will happen in this movie other than Jennifer Lawrence making faces at people and misleading weird little blond baker-boys.  This trailer seems to have remember the actual “games” portion which is (after all) most of the reason we come. I mean I like political activism and thinly veiled shots at the American public as much as anyone but I feel something needs to happen that’s at least a little exciting at some point.

Batman and Superman

Okay and here is the moneymaker of this article. DC Comics “officially” announced that the next Superman movie will feature Batman…. Ugh. When I first heard this I thought: “Well it seems like a bad idea now, but I’m sure as I think about it I’ll start to like it more!!!” I didn’t. In fact the more I think about it, the less I like it. You know what Man of Steel was? It was the best Superman movie ever!! And it wasn’t that good. If the best Superman movie ever “wasn’t that good” what are the odds that a movie that (from all indications) no one knew we were going to make until very recently will be better than it? Taking a good comic book character and combining him with an “okay under certain circumstances” comic book character does not make a good comic book movie. That’s like saying combing a delicious ice cream Sunday mixed with a plate of overdone gorgonzola beans makes them both more delicious. In the end you’ll just get a sloppy looking mess that no one will be very interested in.

Batman-Mix-Superman-Logo-Wallpaper

Cool picture. Bad idea.

Besides who do you get to play Batman? Christian Bale probably won’t do it. Joseph Gordon Levitt? I mean I like Joseph Gordon Levitt but batman??? Not buying it. So that means you have to get a new batman, then do you have to do a Batman origin story? Cause we all loved the mostly unnecessary 40 minutes you spent on Supermans origin story in the last movie! Do you just jump in with Batman already being Batman and hope that everyone conveniently forgets the last (MUCH better) Batman movies? Plus Man of Steel already had no sense of humor, does adding Batman really help that problem at all? They can sit around and be somber at each other for a while.

Here’s what’s going to happen in this movie: Grunt grunt grunt “I don’t need you batman” punch punch punch, Kryptonite. Batman. “You saved me batman!!” Punch punch, growl. Roll credits.

I’m not saying this will be a bad movie. I’ve been surprised before, DC has made some really good not Batman movies in the past like umm… Like Green—nope. Like Cat— nope. Umm… I’ll get back to you.

Well there you have it friends! Thanks for reading, now wash all that nerd smell off of you, and go back about your lives. Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone.

P.S. Before you all start writing angry posts about my negligence yes I am aware that Guardians of the Galaxy had a panel. But all they did was show a clip that I can’t watch and then Karen Gillam ripped her hair off or something. I have no idea what to say about that.

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