Oblivion

Posted: April 25, 2013 by Micah in Movie Reviews
Tags: , , , ,

Well hey everyone, here we are once more, standing at the edge of Oblivion!

(Editor’s Note: I’m sorry, believe me when I tell you I pulled out all of the really bad Oblivion puns, now all you have are the bad ones, the mostly bad ones and the near-vomit inducing ones. Like I said, I’m sorry. I’m like the little dutch boy with his finger in the dike except there’s another little dutch boy beside me slowly eating the dike for breakfast. I desperately need a new job, literally any job. Anything.)

Before we get into our review for today let me apologize to the fans of the podcast (yes, both of you) it’s on a bit of a delay because the site I use for hosting just popped up and said “By the way, I may have forgot to mention this before but, you’ve been on a free trial this whole time, and now that you’ve gotten yourself established and have a fan base (made up of two fans and that tree over there) I thought it would be a good time to tell you that if you don’t want the entire internet to come and throw rocks at your house you owe me forty dollars.”

This is the part in movies where the spunky lawyer who went to community college and fought for their degree would show up and tell the big mean website to leave me alone but until that happens I’m gonna have to come up with some sort of new plan (hopefully I’ll have a new one up tomorrow morning). That said let’s go ahead and jump off into the Review of Tom Cruise’s latest (and potentially greatest???) excuse to make the “Tom Cruise running” face.

Micah Reviews: Oblivion

People who stand on glass platforms shouldn't ummm... drop rocks?

People who stand on glass platforms shouldn’t ummm… drop rocks?

Tom Cruise stars in a movie that is the official warm-up run for the Summer Holiday Blockbuster season. If Summer Movies are a basketball team, then Oblivion is the pre-game butt slap from the coach, and oh what a butt slap it is. — Wait, what?

The Plot:

Moving on quickly, with my head down, pretending nothing happened up there, let’s talk about Oblivion. Tom Cruise stars as Jack Harper, plucky maintenance man left on Earth to maintain the planet while the rest of humanity preps to move on to their next place of residence, a strange far away, alien land called: California. Wait I mean– Titan (one of the moons of Neptune… or something.) Anyway Jack and his (*significant cough*) partner, Victoria, work to maintain Earth until the giant vaguely taco shaped mother ship is ready for its long journey through the stars.

While Tom Cruise is out getting shot at, Victoria's greatest work related threat is the dreaded "stood up to fast after sitting down all day" epidemic. We all have dangers we must face.

While Tom Cruise is out getting shot at, Victoria’s greatest work related threat is the dreaded “stood up to fast after sitting down all day” epidemic. We all have dangers we must face.

But when Jack’s haunting nightmares refuse to go and haunt someone else, and when a mysterious ship crashes mysteriously next to the Mystery Machine; everything Jack believes might just go spinning into (dun dun DUN) Oblivion.

Yup, that happenned. Hey, I bet no other review of this movie comes with a free Scooby Doo reference.

Yup, that happened. Hey, I bet no other review of this movie comes with a free Scooby Doo reference.

Can Jack and Victoria whether this storm? What is the real reason Morgan Freeman is in this movie? And how do we keep making Tom Cruise look so tall in these movies? I mean the guy is what like… 5′ 2 or something right? Does he just wear colossally high heels and I just never notice cause I’m too busy staring at his hair? What the hey man, what the hey.

This is why Morgan Freeman is in this movie. The raw awesome.

This is why Morgan Freeman is in this movie. The raw awesome.

The Positives:

I hope you all understand how hard the next sentences is for me to type: I thought Tom Cruise did pretty well with this movie… Ew. I must be getting old. Seriously though, he’s not great, I mean he’s not Liam Neeson (who by the way is like 6′ 4) but he pulls off a believably like-able character who you genuinely want to cheer for in this movie and that’s really all that I need in this one. Oblivion doesn’t need a brilliant top notch acting performance, cause it get’s by on the narrative, which (consequently) brings us to my next point:

The narrative is awesome. The story of the movie really keeps you guessing and while I had figured a couple things out before they were “revealed” it wasn’t much before and it really didn’t take anything away from the actual reveals. The plot keeps just far enough ahead of you to keep you coming along behind it and when you finally get to the end of the movie you’ll be glad you kept up!

Just a very cool feel to everything. The visuals were really nice, the technology was cool (aside from a somewhat disappointing motorcycle) and nothing in the world stuck out as not belonging.

The Negatrons:

I guess I could have done without the long intro voice over by little Tommy Cruise (he’s gonna come to my house and punch me right in the chest for calling him that isn’t he?) I mean it’s not that the info wasn’t useful it’s just that they repeat the exact same info a couple other times and I felt like it was a little overkill. Maybe they were worried audience members wouldn’t be paying attention as they slowly slipped into mental (dun dun DUN) oblivion. (Editor’s note: That’s the last one. I’m sorry. Also, seriously if you’re hiring I’m there. I mean Micah mostly just pays me in insults and gopher hide so most things would be an upgrade at this point… though I do love those hides… so smooth…– eh-hem right… what were we talking about?)

There was a fairly ummm… revealing… swimming pool scene involving a woman who was wearing nothing but the swimming pool if you take my meaning. I normally don’t mention things like that but the movie was only rated PG-13 and it just caught me a bit off guard. Be prepared to bury juniors face in a copy of War and Peace for a minute or two (War and Peace being (of course) the least sexy of novels.)

In Conclusion:

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed Oblivion, and it’s not like I was dreading watching it either. The story held up really well and the acting was more then up to the task of keeping me interested. Morgan Freeman was great, and even itty bitty Tommy turned in a great performance in a movie that was a great launching pad for what I hope will be a great summer of movies.

I give it 4 tiny peoples out of 5!

Thanks for reading everyone, I’ll post a podcast as soon as I can, so stay close to your headphones… or something. See you Monday as I officially start the Summer Hype festivities with my THIRD annual summer questions blog!

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