Hello once more Interfriends, Friendernets, and the rest of you for whom I will not make up a nickname. Welcome back to Thoughts We Might Have Had and to the official not official unofficial ultimate Disney Song Song-Off!! Today on the show I hand the reigns over to you the audience who will decide the fate of this competition by texting your favorite Disney song to—
Yeah I’m just kidding. You have no say. This is not a blogmocracy. It is a Blogtatorship and I am the Blogtator. Wow… that is… not at all cool. Sounded good in my head and then… it was gone. Sheeshk. I’m just gonna move on to some bold font type and hope we can all leave this behind us.
Disney Song Off
The Final 10
So we actually ended up with thirteen finalists whose names are listed below, in the order in which I remembered them (which is to say: no real order). To check out how we got to this extremely unlucky number check out Part 1 and Part 2 by clicking on the linkage.
Whistle While You Work, Baby Mine, The Best of Friends, Kiss the Girl, Robin Hood and Little John Running Through the Forest (thanks to Jonefre and his lovely assistant Cscha963), The Bear Necessities, Beauty and the Beast, Be a Man, Cruella De Vil, The Sword in the Stone, At Last I see the Light, Phony King of England, and Kronks Theme Music. Wow… that was a long list. I’m just gonna stop here and take a snack break.
Okay. Pardon the snacking noises, I’m a very loud internet eater. As you may have guessed this is a top ten list and thus I am going to have to eliminate three of the above songs based on a highly scientific grading system entitled “Whichever One I Happen to Hate the Most at the Moment” and those three songs are:
Whistle While You Work: Obvious choice here. Does anyone like this song? Is everyone just chill with Snow White enslaving forest animals and the incredibly insensitively portrayed “Dirty dwarf men” offending tiny people everywhere? Yeah, I thought not.
Phony King of England: Was passed by Robin Hood and Little John Running Through the Forest… sorry.
Cruella De Vil: Not really a fully fleshed out song. We catch sort of snippets of it here and there which are awesome but we only really get maybe a verse and a half of actual song so… there you go.
The Top Ten:
Number 10: Robin Hood and Little John Running Through the Forest (thanks to Jonefre and his lovely assistant Cscha963)
Why it is where it is: Super long title, I mean I have blisters after typing that out. Also in partial breach of Arbitrary Rule # something that has to to do with the song being sung by someone not in physically in the movie.
Number 9: Baby Mine
Why it is where it is: Ah, Baby Mine, a song written by someone who hated children everywhere and wanted them to know that just when you needed your mother most, she would hold you in her nose and then leave you. Also, this is the only good thing to come out of Dumbo, I mean the rest of the movie was filled with creepy elephants, a lucky feather, and some extremely horrifying clowns.
Number 8: The Bear Necessities
Why it is where it is: The ultimate kick back and relax song the Bear Necessities loses some points for encouraging the eating of ants but gains major points for including the line: Don’t pick the prickly pear with the paw when you pick a pear try to use the claw” I mean that’s art right there people. Walk up and strike you in the pancrease, ART!
Number 7: The Sword in the Stone
Why it is where it is: Sure it has nothing to do with the actual movie, and does (in point of fact) run only over the opening credits but that does not take away from the awesomeness of this songs sauce even a little bit, and any deficiencies are more than made up for by the sweet sweet sugary sweetness of the voice of the man singing the song!
Number 6: Kronk’s Theme Music
Why it is where it is: A song that really speaks to me, speaks to the man that I am, and the man I long to become… Aaand we’re movin’ on.
Number 5: The Best of Friends
Why it is where it is: The Best of Friends is a nuclear tactical missile style strike right to the nose of my souls sadness… Yeah… that made sense. It’s sad, and beautiful, and reminds us all that no matter what happens: bears will probably eat us.
Number 4: Kiss the Girl
Why it is where it is: If Little Mermaid we’re allowed to have two songs it would have also sent Under the Sea, which would have given us two songs featuring the completely unexplained but totally awesome Jamaican accent of Sebastian. Kiss the Girl was the song that inspired me to be the man that I am, taught me so much about philosophy, candidness, and the best way to get girls to respond to your emails.
Flip over there canoes.
What you thought I meant kiss them? Ew. No. Canoe flipping: it’s a sport.
Number 3: Be A Man
Why it is where it is: This is probably one of the most recognizable songs in history. Everybody knows this song and as soon as you start singing everyone will join in for the chorus. If America ever needs a new national anthem, this will probably be it.
Number 2: Beauty and the Beast
Why it is where it is: When I was in High school I went to a Disney themed concert (against my will) and there some girl who I will never ever never see again absolutely OWNED this song. It was awesome. I was moved. I probably would have cried but right at the end of the song a possessed Kazoo from the deepest depth of Kentucky jumped me from behind and I had to kill it with my concert program and a stick of gum. Seriously though, most of that story is true. Beauty and the Beast is a universal song that reminds us all of what love is, who we are, and how to murder a child’s instrument. Wait—I mean fall in love. Yeah.
And finally Number 1: The Monkey Song from Jungle Book!!
Ha ha—no. I kid. That was the worst song ever. It would win the competition for: Song Mostly Likely to Make Micah Savage His Ear with a Duckling. But we’re not having that competition… yet.
Number 1: At Last I See the Light
Why it is where it is: A song that combines the best parts of self-awareness, love, and pyromania this song from Tangled has it all: moving lyrics, great voices behind them, and the overwhelming likeliness that Smoky Bear will appear at any minute. So thanks Tangled, thanks Disney, and thanks Smokey!
Well there you have it! Thanks for reading everybody, check back Thursday for a new blog post and come on back tomorrow as we release another episode of the Thoughts We Might Have Had podcast!!