Hey everyone!! Hope you all had a great weekend, I did!! I got to go see Tim Hawkins LIVE and learn what might be my new favorite song (check it out here.) Also it’s my wife birthday tomorrow (Happy day to her) and my Dad’s birthday TODAY! So happy birthday to all and to all a good night, I’m out!!
Oh I should keep posting huh? Man… that was just such a good ending… Shoulda saved that till the end huh? That just… that felt good. Organic… Man.
Umm… what were we doing?? Oh yeah we were looking for the best Disney Song. Okay, when we left off with that we were going through Disney Musicals and picking out the best song from them and then we’ll go back and pick out the best one from the survivors of the first round. That said, let the madness continue.
Disney Song-off Part 2
(Check out part 1 here)
Props to Stephanie S for nominating “The Phony King of England” from Robin Hood. Though I must say the “Not in Nottingham” always dramatically depressed my eight year old heart. Something about a Rooster singing a sad song while two muskrats fed eachother soup really got to me… yeah… it sounded less creepy then. The only other song I remember from this that comes to mind is the one that’s sung while Robin and Maid Marion are wandering through the forest making fox eyes back and forth at each other. This is usually when my eight year old heart would go and get a snack.
The Winner: “The Phony King of England” any song that features the words “a pox” is automatically going places.
The Jungle Book:
No real contest here. I mean how can you beat out the “Bear Necessities?” Yeah. You can’t. At all. What other songs are even in this movie? The weird song King Louis sings which features three minutes of a monkey playing with his lips (yay) and two minutes of “Zabadee bop bop boop-ing” which are like the peanut packing material of songs. “What’s that?” Disney Song writers said. “You need four minutes more of this song? What if we just have the monkey make completely random noises with his mouth for twenty minutes? Great!! Thanks! No I’m good for lunch, I’ve still got half a stick of this glue to eat.”
The Winner: The Bear Necessities. Duh.
The Fox and the Hound:
The only movie in which I have ever cried like a little girl. Or ever cried period actually, it was also like a little girl but I feel like that sentence could have been misconstrued. That said there is only one song that could every truly represent the horrible depression that was this movie.
The Winner: When You’re the Best of Friends. What were you thinking Walt Disney?? Did you just wake up one morning and decide that you hated children so you would make a movie like The Fox and the Hound where the moral of the story is that everyone will hate you and you can’t be friends with anyone and bears will murder the people who care about you most? Cause that’s definitely what I took away from it.
Hang on. I need a minute.
Okay. Okay… I can do this… I just… I gotta remember the good times.
The Little Mermaid:
My wife asked me this weekend why Ariel wasn’t my nominee for hottest Disney princess and the only reason I could really give her was that Ariel was (in point of fact) a fish. I mean sure she looked like a human for part of the movie but she was (in her heart of hearts) still more closely related to a Tuna than she was to me.
The Winner is: Kiss the Girl. This is actually a fairly close one cause a strong argument could be made for Part of Your World or even Under the Sea but I’m feeling super emotionally vulnerable after the whole Fox and the Hound section so I’m choosing to focus on some happiness. Plus Kiss the Girl is one of the few songs I can stand totally behind the message of.
Beauty and the Beast:
No contest here.
The Winner is: Beauty and the Beast. Fear the power of Angela Lansbury. Fear it.
I’m skipping some movies here cause this could take all day. The Lion King suffers from its best song (the Circle of Life) being mostly sung in a language I do not speak. Pocahontas is obviously Paint with all the Colors of the Wind but that movie is still outlawed from my lists do to the fact that Pocahontas was TWELVE when the actual historical events occurred and the movie prominently features her kissin’ boys and accepting advice from a Willow Tree.
Obviously this has to be “Be a Man” right? I mean I’ve literally gone through that whole song as a conversation with a friend.
Me: Be a man!
Him: I must be swift as a coursing river?
Me: With all the strength of a great typhoon!!
Sure you could argue for that reflection song but about four hundred people have done super weird covers of that song, so (like Finding Nemo) it was ruined through sheer over-exposure.
The Emperor’s New Groove
Also no contest.
The Winner: Kronks Theme Music.
The Princess and the Frog
A lot of people mentioned this movie on my previous lists and I said that I hadn’t seen it, and now I’m proud to say that as a gesture of my concern, care, and commitment to journalistic integrity: I still haven’t seen it.
There were some pretty good songs in Tangled. Mother Knows best is just SUPER creepy so it doesn’t count, and I’ve Got a Dream was ruined entirely by an old guy in a diaper (no offense to old people who may be wearing diapers while reading this– ha ha. No. This is not that kind of blog.) The winner then must be that beautiful song sung back and forth between What’s-Her-Name and Big Nose, while they hilariously and negligently lit miles and miles of innocent forest on fire.
The Winner: At Last I see the Light.
And there you have it folks. That’s all I got. I’ll officially crown my winner on Thursday so if you think I missed one be sure to post in the comments or your voice will forever more go unheard, un-cared about, and un… under…fied. Yeah… shoulda kept that first exit huh. Later!!
P.S. Oh right, right, right the BIG NEWS! Me and my friend and cohort Jack Gregory are going to be starting an official Thoughts We Might Have Had PODCAST!! Yup, now you can take my random thoughts and cruel sense of humor with you on the go, while you drive, shower, or do that weird runny thing that some people call exercise. Check here on Thursday for more info and then on Friday we’ll release our inaugural episode!!