Villianoscopy: Scar

Posted: November 6, 2012 by Micah in Randomnicity

Okay friends and Romans. Here we are again for day two of the unfortunately named “Villainoscopy week.” I should throw another word in there huh? Villainoscopy… Awareness Week. There you go. Awareness always pushes things to the next level. So here we are in the second day of Villainoscopy Awareness Week and ready to jump into this weeks second villain…. Please don’t make that weird.

The Lion King – Scar

“hello…”

Scar’s brother is the king. Or I think it’s his brother… I mean the two have nothing in common, wildly different personalities, and even different colored skin… I feel like at least there should be a “half” in there somewhere. Maybe Scar was adopted… maybe Mufasa was adopted. After all if you had a chance to adopt a lion with the voice of James Earl Jones wouldn’t you? Absolutely you would.

The Villainous Problem:

Scar is not the King. And he would like to be the king so that he can ruin the economy, destroy jobs, and refuse to acknowledge a plummeting national market (Go vote, America).

The Villainous Solution:

If nothing else at least this picture shows that Scar can “strut” his “stuff”… or whatever that translates to in the feline world… I’m gonna stop thinking about this now.

Murder the King, exile his son, hire some Hyenas and then somehow make it so that it doesn’t rain… or something. Really Scar had kind of an awesome plan. I mean if you can write somewhere “Murder by Wildebeest,” and then actually make that plan work you’ve obviously got some serious mojo working. When you add in the fact that you were essentially murdering Darth Vader in lion form you get even more points. Alas, that those are all the points that you’ll be getting today.

Because after the whole “wildebeest murder plan” you penciled in “tell tiny lion boy to run away and then sick murdering Hyenas on him.” Now, I guess I sort of understand not murdering the little lion by yourself (though it would have saved a remarkable amount of time) you’re more of a brains guy anyway so whatever. The point is that after all that great planning wouldn’t it have made sense to say “Hey, go hide here, Lion child.” And then send the Hyeena’s to that place for some Lion Cub du jour? I mean you’re essentially giving the lion a head start in a race that you don’t want him to win. Seems like poor planning to me. That’s like telling a fish to watch out for fake worms directly before you start fishing. Sure, you’re not automatically losing the race, but you’re also certainly not helping your cause. It’s not exactly shooting yourself in the foot, so much as it is dowsing your feet in lighter fluid and then challenging someone to a race across live coals.

Also: when you become the King… you kinda ruin everything. I mean you stop it from raining… which I didn’t even think was possible. And then you abuse your brothers old wife, and are mean to ladies so they all hate you and… I mean it’s just unfortunate. At least Ursula only ruined the ocean for a few minutes before she stabbed herself with a canoe or whatever. You were in charge of the Pride Lands and essentially turned them into Mordor without all the fun armor or flying dragon snakes. Loser.

Villainous Styles:

“I ate the last cookie.”

Not sure how to handle this one here. I mean you were nude for like… all of this movie. Nice scar though, but I feel calling yourself Scar calls unnecessary attention to it. So either you chose a terrible nickname for yourself or your mom sort of hated you and called you “Scar” in the hopes that the other lions would beat the Canasta out of you.

Villainous Death:

You got killed by your own workers after blaming them for something that was hilariously obviously your fault. Just a general tip for you: When you can see the people your scapegoating staring at you intently as you scape their goats. You’re probably doing something wrong.

Overall Villainhood:

Meh, not too bad. The Wildebeest murder was pretty nice and you had a great song and a nice scar, but giving really good advice to the son of the guy you just murdered (regardless of whether you meant it to be good advice or not) makes you sort of an idiot. Secondly it’s not like you even did well when you were in charge. I mean you probably would have eventually starved yourself entirely to death right? Fail. I’ll give you a 5 out of 10 which actually ranks you pretty high on the list but that’s more of an insult to the list, then it is a compliment to you.

All right folks, check back on Thursday for yet another oscopy on yet another villain.

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