Okay so the last few posts I’ve done have been all young and collegy and filled with all sorts of flights and fancys and… figs. And stuff. But not today, no today we are taking a step forward, a great bound into maturity, modernity, and senselessly ruining children’s movies!!! Yay!! I’m talking off course about:
Princess Off 2012: Probably the Least Important Thing I Will Ever Do!!
Here in no particular order are our contestants:
The classic classicyness of all Disney Princesses Snow White really got this whole Princess thing started despite not technically being a Princess… she was a step-princess which is like being a “step-millionare” which is to say “pretty much worthless in every way.”
I’ve talked about this at length before (and in video format) but let’s all remind ourselves that a big horrifying huntsman asked her to come picking flowers with him as he held on to a box that said “Place heart here” on it. And she went with him. Willingly. So… yeah… not exactly the sharpest cheddar on the cheese.
Well let’s put it this way: Snow White was “killed” by an apple. Given to her by someone who was potentially the ugliest person ever birthed, girthed, or Firthed. After being explicitly told “Don’t let anyone in the houses” Snow White not only let’s someone in the house but also eats their food.
It’s left up to the dwarves to chase after the Witch (though they don’t actually catch her and she ends up accidentally killing herself because obviously that’s what evil people do.) and it’s left up to the Prince (who Snow White met ONCE might I add) to come along and kiss her on the face while everyone thought she was dead.
Yup, apparently back in the day it was totally acceptable to meet people once and then kiss them directly after words when they were DEAD.
We’re in a bit of a Snow White revival at the moment. I haven’t seen Mirror Mirror yet but that’s only because the trailer for it was so bad that it lowered my IQ and Snow White and the Hunstman wasn’t a terrible movie but Snow White didn’t exactly do a whole lot to raise her standing with this committee… by which I mean me.
Over all princess rating: 10 out of 400 million. (I got tired of a ten point number system).
And alas that this ends today’s broadcast… check back tomorrow for some more princesses, some more numbers, and some more unbridled idiocy!