A Day in the Life: The Amazing Spiderman

Posted: August 6, 2012 by Micah in Sports

Way way back in the yonder times of yonder years I played a Spiderman game on a borrowed Playstation. (side note: the spellings of Spiderman on the internet disagree on whether it’s: spider-man, spider man, or spiderman. I’m going with option three cause my fingers can be lazier that way). I don’t even remember what the Title of that game was but I remember I loved it. I remember I literally almost talked my dad into letting me purchase a Playstation just so I could play Spiderman. It was that good. Or I was that dumb. Either way really… Anyway that trip through nostalgia aside, I recently (through semi nefarious means) acquired a copy of the newest Spiderman game (The Amazing Spiderman) and sat down to play it! Here… is what unfolded.

Ya know what the first thing I wanted to do as Peter Parker was?? The very first thing I wanted to say I had accomplished as I jump into the red and blue suit?? Well, it was being led around on a pointless lab tour by Gwen Stacy of course!! Oh, wait no it wasn’t not even a little bit. And yet that’s what I did… for like… ten hours. Or minutes. Or days. And during this time all I could do was swivel my head around like Gwen was carrying some sort of giant bobble-head of Peter Parker and I was just the bobbled head. Anyway, as we were walking and Gwen was talking about lip-locking and grandma’s stockings and… ahem… sorry. As we were walking along and Gwen was telling me all about how Oscorp (the company she works for) was totally changing its direction now that The Lizard was in prison (this game is set just after the events of the recently released movie). And how they were putting all of their weird/horrible science experiments away and starting production on a brand new project called Fluffy Bunny Party, wouldn’t ya know all of the weird horribly mutated science experiments escaped from their “Totally Inescapable by Weird Mutated Science Experiment” cages.

And let me remind you that while all of these horrible mutant monstery things were escaping their horrible mutant monstery pens the most I could do was nod at them in a threatening sort of way.

“Oh yeah, Human/Rhino mutant well check this out” (headshake) “Yeah, you best be fearing the bobble.”

Fear me!!

Anyway eventually the game (titled The Amazing Spiderman in case we had forgotten) actually let me be, ya know, Spiderman. So I saved some people in the lab but in the end the mutant monster people all escaped into the streets of New York and I was tasked with the job of tracking them all down, before they infected the city and I became a useless Bobbled figure once more.

And so (finally) almost an hour after I started playing the game I was standing on top of a New York city skyscraper as Spiderman. And ya know what? It was totally worth it.

Yeah… pretty sure this whole city was invented for me.

So I spent the next hour or so swinging around New York City! Sure the game kept flashing some sort of emergency signal about “Giant robot killing hundreds of people” but ya know what New York-ians? I can climb to the top of this skyscraper jump off to the top, web my way across an alley, and land delicately on the top of a light pole. And ya know why?? Because I am Spiderman. Back. Off.

It also turned out that there were some muggings going on around the city, which were conveniently pointed out by my map/cell phone thing. The first one I approached with my usual sensitive/personal approach and went running into a back alley and beat the ever loving, Kazoo playing, lips off of said mugger. Which was super easy. Really WAY to easy. And so to mix things up a bit I started climbing as high as I possibly could and then dropping from buildings and trying to land on the muggers in mid mug. This worked out amazingly well and provided me with some hilarious mental images as I (awesome web based super hero) plummeted thousands of feet before landing on someone who was in the middle of some kind of intimidating sentence.

“Hand over your money lady before I…” Spiderman.

That poor mugger never knew what hit him

Anyway… eventually I decided I mine as well go and check out the giant blinky light of death on my map because obviously it would keep distracting me from my web slinging unless I shut it up.

When I arrive at the “blinky light thing” on my map it turns out that the Giant Robot is in fact rather large (as one may have surmised from his name). And here’s where I appreciate the Amazing Spiderman. In just about every video game ever my job would have been to walk up to the robot and punch it. A lot. Like a WHOLE lot. Like just a whole mess of super powered punchiness before it finally blew up because I had punched it SO very hard. Which of course makes absolutely ZERO sense.

Help, it’s a Giant Robot… somebody punch it!!

So the Amazing Spiderman took (what I thought) was a very cool angle on things. Instead of doing a “Place fist A against robot leg B” sort of thing it set up a couple “hot points” on the robot that I could exploit (assuming I was fast enough to get in there and do so). For instance, the robot was flailing its huge legs at me and swiveling its angry eyes to fire lasers just like my second grade English teacher used to do (metaphorically) and while it was doing this I swung in and ripped some of the safety panels off its cooling fans. Then blasted said cooling fans with my webs, over heating its laser targeting system which allowed me to lead the missiles it was firing on a merry chase around the block before making them collide with the robot itself.

 

Sure it’s still pretty unlikely to actually happen but it certainly makes a lot more sense than the typical video game directions “punch it… hard.” Plus it really made itself a very “Spiderman” sort of fight. Basically my feet were never on the ground through the entire fight. I was busily swooping around the robot, occasionally ricocheting off buildings, street lamps, or the robot itself. Anyway in the end the robot ended up a smoking pyle of rubble and I saluted the good people of New York before wandering off to pointlessly scale skyscrapers some more.

Thanks for reading!! Check back Thursday for some more Olympic stuff and maybe a movie review… who knows, apparently I do those from time to time.

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