Judging Covers 08/02

Posted: August 2, 2012 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , , , , ,

Man, it’s been forever since I did this. Honestly it’s because most of the trailers that have come out in the last few months have been roughly as interesting as the slight scar I have on my left foot from that time I kicked a dinosaur. Anyway though, my dino abuse aside, it’s time to pull out my gavel made from the crushed dreams of tiny baby typed Marmosets, and do some judging!

Also, in random side note news, way to go America!! Mad props to the women of the women’s Gymnastics team, MAD. SKILLS. I actually managed to watched the Women’s Team All Around Gold Medal Round of Medallia and all I can say is: Batman would be proud.

(Per usual all of these trailers are available online)

And moving on.

Skyfall:

Is Britain really full of long circular hallways or is that just promo stuff?? Somebody help me out here.

I think Daniell Craig is an awesome, awesome man. No really. Probably my second favorite Bond ever and I only say that because I have a statue of Sean Connery in my house! (No I don’t) Craig’s first run at Bond (Casino Royal) completely redeemed the series after it had languished in the horrible, terrible hands of Pierce Brosnan who may be the most opposite thing to the person who should play James Bond since Martha Stewart.

After that Quantum of Solace was frankly a horrible movie that I’m convinced was written by people with a fetish for massive explosions and horrible one liners.

With Skyfall it looks like Bond is firmly back on track. The story looks incredibly interesting, the villain (Javier Bardem who you might remember as that terrible horrible awesome guy from No Country for Old Men) looks sweet, and James Bond looks like James Bond. Also Q is back!! (If you don’t know who he is don’t worry. It probably just means you’re less of a nerd then I am)

Cloud Atlas:

I’m sure this is all some sort of Metaphor for something… I have no idea what…

I’m gonna be real honest here. I have watched this trailer three times and I have absolutely no idea what it’s about. None. Something about times coinciding? Re-incarnation? Time travel? I have no idea. Tom Hanks is in it though so that makes me kind of want to hate it. Other than that my only thought is that this looks to be an incredibly confusing movie… and not confusing in a good way like Inception where you spent the whole time figuring out cool new things but just… confusing. Where you spend the whole time trying to figure out if you could sneak out of the theater without anyone noticing.

The Campaign:

Don’t believe the poster… this is not a smart movie.

Confession: When this movie was first announced I was sort of excited. Cause Will Ferrel can (occasionally) sort of (rarely) but sometimes be (mildly) funny. There… I feel I qualified that statement enough.

And Zach Gallifinakis doesn’t make me want to punch him in the face ALL the time. I’m not a huge fan of comedy movies. They generally devolve into a lot of dumb sex jokes and toilet related sort of humor that every four year old junior higher could think of if you put him on enough red-bull.

The Campaign is a political comedy and at least a political comedy should have something besides those things right?? I mean surely there will be SOME jokes made from an intelligent premise right??….

Nope. Not at all. Just watching the trailer I can tell you that this will be another dumb comedy for people who can’t think of their own terrible jokes and want to go to a theater to have their IQ’s lowered. Yay.

The Expendables 2:

This is either a movie poster or the best commercial for Old Spice ever… not sure which…

Okay so… here’s another confession. I sort of liked the first Expendables. I know, I know but shut up for a second before you start throwing things at your monitor in vapid frustration. Cause here’s the thing, I LOVE good storylines, I HATE bad storylines, but the Expendables managed to sneak into my “like” category by mostly sort of not having a storyline at all. I literally have no idea what the movie was about. I vaguely recall there being a hot girl and some kind of South American revolution but I just described the exact plot of five bajillion other action movies so I won’t count it.

What Expendables 1 did right though was just giving me an excuse to watch some classic movie action heroes punch each other. I like Sly Stallone, I like Jason Stathom, and I like Jet Li. Sure the story was forgettable, but the action was awesome and the writing between the characters was entertaining and funny enough to keep me interested. Will I pay ten bucks to go see Expendables 2?? Nah. Probably not. Will I definitely watch it when it comes out on DVD on a night when my wife isn’t there to make fun of me for watching a stupid movie? Absolutely.

And there you have it… sort of a shorter post today so check back tomorrow for another newer, more interesting post that might talk about the Olympics or any of the other four hundred thirty seven ideas floating around in my head. For now, goodnight America, and go USA!

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