A Day In the Life: Star Wars the Old Republic

Posted: July 16, 2012 by Micah in Video Game Reviews
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Okay so I literally sat across from my wife earlier today and said “I have no idea what I’m going to write about on Monday” and in the last few hours since then I’ve had about three ideas that I really like and want to do and only one blog to write on… to write on, I need someone older and wiser telling me what to do! Ahem… ummm… *cough. Sorry ‘Bout that… Anyway where were we? Oh yeah, we were talking about how cool and awesome and manly I am right? Right.

But anyway, I think I’ll save my Ice Age 4 Review until Thursday since… I don’t know… I feel like saving it till Thursday. And today I will write about:

A Day in the Life: Star Wars: The Old Republic.

Star Wars The Old Republic: Because Star Wars needed to be awesome again!

So about a week ago I learned glad tidings of great joy to all nations. Star Wars the Old Republic was going free to play (until you reach level 15). Cause here’s the thing, two of my favorite games ever were “Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic” and the incredibly originally titled “Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2.” So when they announced that the people who made those two games were making a new game that let you play multiple storylines and characters all intertwining in one majestical space opera of beautifulness I signed my name on the dotted line right away. And then instantly unsigned my name when they said they wanted me to pay them every month. Cause as much as I love playing a good video game I also like other things like: eating, air conditioning, and having my wife not hit me in the pancreas once a month. So… I did not get it. Cause while I would totally pay 60 bucks for this game I’m not willing to pay who knows how much (I guess whatever they charge per month times however many months I play the game) to keep playing a game. It just doesn’t make sense. All that to say, I did not buy this game. But now that it’s free I will play the small pox right out of it (until I reach level 15).

And so I made an imperial spy named Seck, who looked awesome, and sounded like James Bond! Here… is his story.

So the first thing I learn about my character is the aforementioned awesome James Bond voice. After listening to the honey covered stylings of my own self answering smarmily to my boss “That’s what I’m here for.” My boss told me to go out onto the planet of Nal Hutta and infiltrate the house of a crime boss. So I did.

Why yes, yes I am the sweetness. And you are?

Nal Hutta, it turns out, is a gorgeous planet… if you’re a mosquito. Mostly the geography goes like this: swamp, more swamp, deathly bog, disgusting puddle, dirty beggar person, dilapidated house. And as I was going from one marsh to another some woman asked me to find her missing son. So I did.

Said missing son was in the space port with said missing sons said father. Said Father then said “I’m trying to hide this boy from the empire!!” To which I responded: “I work for the empire” to which he responded “Well please don’t callously murder me.” So I callously murdered him. Why you ask? For the good of the Empire!!

Cause here’s the thing with this type of video game. You have to let yourself get involved in the story of your character. For instance: my character is an Imperial Spy, so before I played a minute with him I decided “This is a no-nonsense sort of person. He works by a moral code but blinking above that Moral Code in blinky red lights is “The Good of the Empire.” And so when someone says “I’m doing this to hurt the empire” I say “ptew” and shoot him… though I suppose I don’t really need to make my own blaster sound effects at this point huh?

For instance: after I returned the son to his mother and sent them off with a delightfully crisp wave of my british hand, some guy asked me to rescue his little brother Benny (not his actual name). Said guy didn’t have any connection with the empire but he did offer to pay me and I (being the savvy spy typed person that I am) realize that hey spies need money. So I went to rescue Benny. Several dead robots later some guy offers to pay me more money if I let him keep Benny and sell him into slavery. Now in this case there is really no “for the good of the Empire” sign flashing so I decide to stick to my moral code and rescue the brother because that’s what I was hired to do.

Anyway though I eventually wander in to the Crime Lords house with a new alibi and a fistful of credits and ask him if he needs any favors.  He of course says “yes” to which I reply: “Mwa ha ha ha.” Or whatever the British equivalent of Mwahahaha is… maybe tee-hee?? Or something. Anyway he sends me out with a backpack full of explosives and a smile on my face to blow up the smelting factory of his rival… I actually don’t know what sort of factory it is… but smelting is a fun word.

Up to this point I’ve actually been tearing up. Haven’t died yet, have completed all my missions, and am generally just sniping everything that moves. Unfortunately this was all about to change.

I crept in towards the main entrance of the mining facility and was promptly surrounded, shot, murdered, stabbed, and drowned in my own British tea. So I (using my brilliant deductive reasoning) tried the same thing again!! THIS time I made it about 3/4th of the way inside the factory before some robot with a hatred for humanity and defenseless puppies saw me and raised the alarm. At which point I was mercilessly gunned down.

A sniper rifle is only so good when a robot is hitting you in the face with a stick.

So… I sat down on a nearby bog and contemplated my next move. Asked myself the hard questions like: Why am I here? Where am I going? And why am I so awesome…  So I devised a clever plan that involved me stealthily sneaking through the main entrance. If you’re thinking this sounds like the same plan I had before that’s because… it is. Exactly.

Anyway before my inevitable soul crushing defeat I was called away to do more important (if less British) things so I will have to get back to you as to how exactly I manage to blow up said base. But doubt it not noble denizens of the interweb I will blow it up and I will do it in the British way, the noble way, the way that probably involves me dying MANY more times.

See ya Thursday.

Oh also have I mentioned: THE DARK KNIGHT RISES COMES OUT THIS WEEK!!… okay… sorry… was holding that in for a while…

 

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