Snow White and the Huntsman

Posted: June 4, 2012 by Micah in Movie Reviews
Tags: , , ,

Well hey there denizens of this wide webbed type world, and welcome to another week of Thoughts We Might Have Had! As opposed to doing my regular thing where I talk about what a good weekend I had this weekend I’ve decided to let you guys tell me about what YOU did!?!… Ba ha ha. No. I’m kidding. I don’t care. I had a dope weekend which primarily featured me getting my fiance’ all moved in to the apartment we’ll be living in once we’re married, and almost killing a cyclist with a U-haul (he moved at the last minute, the jerk).

Anyway, I also watched Snow White and the Huntsman, so in an unprecedented transition to enboldened font let’s move on to:

Micah Reviews: Snow White and the Huntsmen

Charlize Theron sporting the ever popular: Necklace hat.

The plot:

Once upon a time in a magical kingdom filled with magical magic there was a King and a Queen and they had a tiny daughter person. Because they were fans of obvious named they called her Grass Green… I mean Dirt Brown… no I mean Snow White. And Snow White was pretty awesome (apparently) so everyone loved her for always (or at least until ten minutes later in the movie). Snow White’s mother dies of… something (we’re never actually told) and the King is (shortly thereafter) forced to go and fight a magical (and awesome looking) army. After defeating said magical army the King finds a hot woman locked in a wagon (cause obviously that’s what everyone does with hot women) and he decides to marry her the next day (cause he’s the King blast it all. And he CAN!).

The new Queen (Revena… or something) murders the King, steals his kingdom, throws Snow White into prison, and has a killer Bachelorette party and thus begins Snow White and the Huntsman.

Fast forward ten-ish years and Snow White makes a daring escape from prison on the same day that the Queen realizes that all she needs to do to gain eternal life is take Snow White’s heart and devour it like so many Frosted Wheats. Anyway, Snow White gets away and (with the help of some local forest critters) escapes into the Lost Forest… or the Dark Forest…  some form of Forestry.

The Queen sends her creeper brother and a Huntsman after Snow White but (in a thrilling change of events totally not given away by the title) the Huntsman decides to help Snow White fulfill her destiny, avenge her father’s death, and avoid all forms of poisonous fruit (not so much that last one).

“Stay here: I’m going to go bludgeon something far less awesome then I am.”

The Positives:

Snow White and the Huntsman is a beautiful looking movie! Costumes, effects, the overall atmosphere, everything about the movie is very visually interesting and appealing. One of my favorite effects is still the look of the Mirror on the Wall which most people who do Snow White movies handle with about as much forethought and planning as I use when I dance in mud puddles wearing my gym shorts. This Mirror though is awesome and cool and different and mad props go out to the people behind the visuals on this one. Rock. On.

Some really great acting performances on display in this one. Chris Hemsworth does great as the Huntsman and has a sweet accent. Charlize Theron is pretty awesome as the evil Queen person. Some people would call certain moments with her over the top but when you’re playing a classic Disney villain you’re allowed to go a little over the top. Mad props also should go out to Ian McShane and Toby Jones who brought a ton of life and interest to their roles as dwarves.

I like what they did with the overall story. Some people would call it predictable but I thought it was both just different enough to keep me wondering “how” they were going to do things even though I already knew “what” was going to happen.

The Negatrons:

On the whole I liked this movies script. Occasionally though a line or two… or five pulled me out of it a bit. For instance: upon realizing that she could live forever if she consumes the heart of Snow White the evil queen says to herself “Immortality… forever.” Yup… those are sort of the same thing there Queen person. Same. Thing.

I never really felt super connected to the story. Maybe it was because I just never completely bought into the Snow White character, or maybe it was just that there was never any doubt as to how the movie was going to end (happily ever after). I felt for Chris Hemsworth’s Huntsman but other than that I never really cared much about any of the characters in the movie.

A completely separate side note that I’m going to address cause if I don’t people won’t shut-up about it:

Let’s talk about Kristin Stewart shall we? I honestly didn’t think she did a horrible job in this movie. Granted that’s not the most ringing praise I’ve ever given but still when your most famous for playing a soggy cardboard cutout of an American teenage girl with severe attachment issues you have to take what you can get.

Sort of takes that whole “an apple a day thing” in a whole new super disturbing direction doesn’t it? “An apple a day keeps the doctor away… ya know, cause you’ll be dead. So really no doctor necessary huh?”

Her lines were well delivered and I thought her character was fairly well realized. That said I never really cared about Snow White in this movie. I never felt the whole “she’s a wonderful leader everyone will follow” vibe, but on the whole she played a pretty good character. The only time I really felt like Stewart dropped the ball was during her big “inspirational speech before the battle” thing that was fairly uninspiring. I’ll give her that it wasn’t the best written speech, but it just never felt big enough to actually get anyone to say “Yeah I’ll follow you into battle and probably get killed horrendously by an attractive witch!!”

In Conclusion:

Snow White and the Huntsman is an interesting take on an old school story. It’s not gonna blow your mind but solid acting, great visuals, and a few surprises along the way keep things just interesting enough to make it well worth your while.

I give it 3 incredibly obvious names out of 5!

 

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