I’ve had a weird sort of Sunday and as I lay here in my bed with a small Moroccan band playing the maracas in my aching brain I am going to attempt to pull off an idea I’ve been meaning to do for a while now! Namely: Pintrest! A website frequented by step-mothers everywhere that was seemingly created to fill the ever growing void for people who are looking for a sewing circle. But hey, this is a blog about pop culture and what’s pop cultureryer then old women talking about their grandchildren’s bunion creams while constantly stabbing themselves with crocheting needles? Anyway: let’s get started!!!
Okay so the first thing I learned is that it’s spelled Pinterest… which is weird. Pinterest… Pin-te-rest? P-interest? Interest in p? That can’t be right… surely… unless this whole thing is a cruel farce on human nature and the relative flippancy of our cares, concerns, and hopes… wow… I just hurt my head.
Anyway… on the opening page we’ve got… wow… my computer is taking forever to load this page. Apparently Bjorn, Norse god of Manliness, is trying to save me from myself. Sorry Bjorn… I’ve got to do this!! For the good of man-kind!! Like a soldier desperately sneaking behind enemy lines at the risk of getting himself completely blown up and/or covered in delicate lace doilies….
It’s STILL loading… Oh. My. Bumpkins.
Okay, here we go. The first thing that popped up was a picture of Emma Watson and the words “Short short pixie.” I have no idea what this is a reference to unless Emma has been eating a lot of tiny pixie sticks. I’m just gonna move on… Ooooo “homemade Sugar Scrub”! I’m assuming this is like edible soap which might be the best idea ever! Not only can you get clean but you can have a snack to! I can see this saving me all sorts of minutes in a day!! Some disgustingly cute signs headlined by one that says “A true friend see’s the first tear, catches the second, and stops the third.” I think my soul just threw up.
But enough of this general browsing, let’s do some searching shall we??
Starting out with: Batman!!
Wow… my loading issues continue. I think my computer (definitely a man) is trying to open up ESPN in the background just so it feels better about itself. I think while I wait for this thing to load I’m gonna go watch Chuck Norris roundhouse kick someone… there… well I feel better.
Umm… What the high ho?!?!?!? How in the… ew… that’s… that’s Batman heresy!! Forgive us o Batman! Forgive these eyes for seeing such a thing… uh… ew… oh… my brain… broken… can’t handle the… ew… oh…
Okay we need to move on now… ouch…. Okay let’s try ummm… the Boston Red Sox… you can’t mess that up to badly can you?
Okay well those are actually pretty cool I’ll give you that. Still though… seems like we could have spent our time a little better. But hey who am I (veteran of many a late night video game party) to criticize you for your time management? Well done random lady with cool finger nails. Well done!!
Okay Pinterest you scored yourself some points with that but I haven’t entirely forgiven you for the Batman coolness genocide yet… let’s try… Doctor Who!!
Hmmm… don’t know how I feel about this… is that the America flag behind him? Why is he all stripety? I’ve seen the original picture before and my first thought definitely wasn’t “Man that would be better if it was all stripety” still though it is the Doctor so I guess I’ll give you some points there.
Okay I need something else here… something abstract and tricky… hmmm….
Something like… A bear!!
Okay that’s really strange… What I leave you eat? What if I leave a pocket watch? Or a leftover piece of that disgusting part of a lobster? What if I leave behind a piece of bear? Huh? Would you stoop to cannibalism (or in this case: bearabalism) just to satisfy the demands of a poorly crafted piece of flatware??? Would you?!?!!? I thought not.
And then this picture. Does the manic depression that this boy is apparently experiencing come with the shirt or is that extra? Why is he so sad? Was his father killed by a bear or something? Cause man… that is grief on his poor un-aged face. The grief that only a bear having mauled one of your family members could bring… It’s okay tiny grizzly boy… it’s okay.
Well that was weird. Probably the last time I will ever go on pinterest too. Apparently it’s just a hang out for people who call Emma Watson a pixie and torture young boys by making them wear poorly knitted sweaters with picture of their fathers murderer on them. Man… and I thought my Grandma was spending her time so well!!