Summer Questions Part 3

Posted: April 23, 2012 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , , ,

Hey everyone, so after a weird weekend full of business and me not sleeping, here I am laying in my room thinking about what in the world this blog should be about. But seeing as having no clue what I’m going to write about has never stopped me before I figure mine as well just start hitting keys and see what happens on this page… word document… thing.

Oh, this is the continuation of my “Summer Questions” blog that I’ve been doing. Just scroll right down this here page if you want to read the rest!! No idea why that happened in a Southern Accent. No idea.

Will Kristin Stewart ruin snow White and the Huntsman?

Someone explain to me how that isn't the symbol from Lord of the Rings on her shield?

I don’t really think so. Here’s the thing about Kristin Stewart: She’s not a terrible actress. She’s not a great actress, she’s probably not even a good actress, but she is also not a terrible actress. Kristin’s problem is that she has achieved fame by playing a character with all the emotional depth of a Kiddie Pool in the Sahara. That combined with the fact that she is (as previously stated) not a great actress have combined to make Bella Swan (her character from twilight for those of you mercifully spared from knowing these things) as interesting and compelling as an All You Can Eat Cardboard Buffet. Put Kristin Stewart into an interesting movie with an interesting cast and a character that has more problems than “Does he really truly wuv me?” and there’s a chance she won’t make me want to savage my brain with a statue of Walt Disney. I’m not saying that Stewart is the next Helena Bonham Carter, but neither am I saying that she’s the next Amanda Seyfried.

Will Brave be yet another heartwarming Pixar classic?

Pixar: Punching us in the face with adorableness since Toy Story.

Probably. I don’t know… I feel like Pixar just keeps running out movies with the same basic premise and life lessons and then waiting for the money of their adoring fans to fall from the heavens into their tiny outstretched hands. And it works. Every time. I really can’t fault them for doing it, I mean hey, once you find a formula that works you might as well stick to the formula. I don’t fault Fruit Loops for making delicious circles of power the same way year after year do I?

Can the Bourne Legacy continue punching people in the face without Matt Damon?

Never just one?? I feel like that's sort of a broad claim to be making there Move Poster.

Of course it can. Here’s the thing about action movies: Stories are secondary. Always. Why do you think James Bond manages to switch actors every ten years or so and no one notices? Why do you think Mission Impossible keeps making millions of dollars at the box office despite two extra large helpings of “Tom Cruise runs this way” in all of their movies? It’s cause we really just want to watch peeps get shot! In fact you could say that this is actually an upgrade for the Bourne series as they bring in not only the extremely awesome Jeremy Renner, but also the awesomely creepy Edward Norton who seems to be playing the villain this time around. Like when James Bond finally realized that Pierce Brosnan was someone universally disliked by the entire cosmos and decided to get someone with an actual soul to play James Bond.

Will Dark Shadows be just another run-in-the-mill awesome movie for Tim Burton and Johnny Depp?

Sure there are other people in this movie. But really: who cares?

Absolutely it will. These two guys just can’t seem to do anything wrong when they sit down in a room and say “So… what do we do now?” Add in Helena Bonham Carter as the Cherry on top of this proverbial Banana-awesome-Sunday and you get yet another movie that I will probably not shut up about for a very long time. Of course this movie looks a little different and a little weird but when has that ever stopped them from being awesome before? It hasn’t. Ever.

So there you go. A lot of questions, a few answers, and a weird Fruit Loop related analogy! See you all on Thursday! Where I will absolutely and definitely write about… something.

  1. Stephanie Schlosser says:

    I agree with you on all points but one, and that would be that I happen to like Pierce Brosnan. 🙂 Apparently I am not part of the cosmos. (The man canNOT sing to save his life, though.)

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