The Adventures of Tintin

Posted: April 12, 2012 by Micah in Movie Reviews
Tags: , ,

So… once upon a time, when I was just a tiny lad wearing tiny lad typed pants I would go to my grandma’s and be very bored. This is because the adults kept talking about things I didn’t care about like America, Mel Brooks, and whether or not I had ADH-squirrel!!!!

Anyway during these times at my Grandma’s I mostly ate a lot of my grandmothers cookies and read the Tintin comic books she had laying around for some reason (I somehow doubt she was a huge fan). Anyway I loved those comic books, they were cool and funny and adventurous and generally involved at least one drunk sailor person doing something funny. So naturally when it was announced that Steven Spielberg was making a motion capture animated version of the movie I was very excited. Did it live up to my expectations? Was I carried back to the years of yester when my parents wondered about my overall mental health? Well let’s find out!

Believe it or not, Tintin is not in fact a movie about a giant.

Micah Reviews: The Adventures of Tintin

So… this particular Tintin adventure all starts when he buys an old model ship for like… 2 pence… or tuppins… or whatever the British people in these movies use for currency. Anyway immediately after he buys it two other people try to buy it from him but Tintin says no… for reasons that are never totally made clear. Anyway there’s a secret in the boat that’s linked to a treasure that’s linked to an old pirate Captain named Captain Haddock.

Tintin discovers this but before he can really act on it he is kidnapped and taken on a boat where (by happy coincidence)  he meets Captain Haddocks descendant: Captain Haddock. The two of them escape the ship thanks to the fact that all of the evil guys henchmen suffer from chronic “Can’t aim-itus.” Anyway many hi-jinks, low-jinks, and fro-jinks ensue as Tintin and his friends try and solve the mystery of the treasure map, and take revenge on the evil Pirate person with a really stupid name. (Red ride’em… or Rack’em… or something… it was stupid. Trust me.)

When ships get divorced... it never ends well.

The Positives:

A very nice looking movie. The effects were beautiful the transitions were sweet and everything looked great even on the semi terrible TV that I watch movies on because I can’t afford a nice one…. Yeah.

I mean look at that hair!?!? His hair is more real then my hair and he doesn't have hair... or a hare... or... something.

On the whole it’s a fun story. I’m beefing up this section with a general comment just so you all don’t think I hated this movie. I really didn’t. The adventure was cool and for the most part the dialogue was funny and interesting.

The Negatrons:

What this movie really lacked was heart. I was just really never overly invested. And I came in already excited about the movie. My fiance’ lacked my Tintin roots and she semi-lost interest halfway through. It’s not that the script was bad or that the voice acting was poor it’s just that I was never really very interested in what was going to happen.

It’s like when you jump into one of those reality TV shows mid-way through the season.  The people who have been following the thing from day 1 are practically weeping into their tiny outstretched palms and your just sitting there sort of mildly confused about what’s going on. It’s not that the show isn’t interesting per-se it’s just that you’re not really invested in it. That’s how I felt watching Tintin. Despite my fond childhood memories, and my parents bizarre concerns that I would have trouble paying attention to the wor………….. fish…. I never really cared what was going on.

In Conclusion:

Tintin falls squarely into the middle of the already overcrowded world of animated children’s movies. The script is good and the visuals are very impressive but it just lacks that heart that left every girl I know weeping great tears of gushness when every resident of the magical kingdom littered and violated every fire code ever by launching flaming baskets into the air. If Tintin were a food it would be a Wedny’s side salad. Not necessarily a bad thing,but really nothing to get crazy excited about.

I give it 2 Captain Haddock’s out of 5.

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