A day in the life: Sacred 2

Posted: March 29, 2012 by Micah in Video Game Reviews
Tags: , ,

So… I am alive!!! For those of you wondering. I died on Monday, was buried Tuesday, and then forcibly resurrected myself using ancient dark magic taught me by an ancient dark Ferret. So anyway here I am, healthy and husky and ready to go!! And what better place to go then the darkened root beer filled room wherein me and my friend Riley carry on one of the oldest and manliest of traditions: Killing things. Virtual things, in this case which is far preferable to the medieval manly events where they would actually kill each other.

Anyway though, for the last several months Riley and I have been re-playing games we already played because no one in the gaming industry seems to care that we have run out of games!! The jerks. See there are plenty of games out there in the gaming world, but very few of them involve both me and Riley being able to play them at the same time. So yesterday we went out and bought a game that came out roughly 2 years ago and looked a little strange but you can only play Gears of War 3 so many times before the idea of a chainsaw with a gun attached to it starts to get less awesome… Ba ha ha ha… no. I am (of course) kidding. Chainsaws with guns attached to them are ALWAYS awesome… anyway… what was I talking about… oh yeah. Right. Umm.. We went out and bought Sacred 2.

Guess which one of these is the good guy?

The first thing you have to do when playing Sacred 2: Fall of Something. Is choose who you will play as. The game comes with six choices: The Seraphym angel girl, the Dryad forest girl, the High elf… elf… girl, the Inquisitor guy who looks like he really wants to be a Nazgul, the big guy with a sword who looks stupid, and the Temple Guardian awesome guy who looks like a robot version of an Egyptian god. Anyway after debating the fine points of character selection with deep comments like “I hate her hair.” “Her voice sounds like someone scratching my inner ear with a badger” and “well… she’s sort of hot” Riley decided to be the High Elf… elf person. And then we decided to be evil.

Riley's character. Dragon not included.

Why evil you ask? Well in games like this where you can either play the bad storyline or the good storyline I’ve always found it easier to start bad and terrible and awful. That way when you go to play through the game a second time  you can be a good guy and fix everything that you broke the first time!

Anyway once Riley was all set I had to choose my character and decided to give a try with the awesome Egyptian robo-dog person. Cause he was cool.

My character. Quite possibly the coolest dog robot Egyptian deity ever.

We started the game in a picturesque little town where some guy who was apparently Riley’s magic teacher… person informed Riley that…

“Before you can pass your training I want you to duel that student using non-lethal magical spells.”

This sounded like a great idea! The only problem was me and Riley didn’t exactly know how to play the game (due to the fact that we hadn’t looked at the manual) and we hadn’t exactly been listening to the instructor in the first place. So rather than doing what he said “practicing non-lethal spells from a distance with Student A” we “stabbed Student A to death.”

Riley: “Ummm…  woops…”

Micah: “That’s okay… I’m sure no one liked him anyway.”

Riley: “Well… he did have an annoying voice.”

Micah: “And stupid hair.”

Riley: “And he obviously wasn’t the best student here.”

Micah: “Probably some form of orphan too… so really I feel someone should be thanking me right now.”

Riley: “I agree.”

So, after validating our crimes like good psychopaths we went over to talk to Riley’s teacher in the hopes of picking up some kind of official commendation for our work. He (unfortunately) did not agree with us.

“I said nonlethal” Riley’s teacher shouted. “I’m ashamed to have taught you! I knew there was something wrong with you from the start. I’ll have to stop you now!!”

And Riley’s teacher, who moments ago had been all ready to sign his diploma and push him out into the world, ATTACKED US!!!

So we stabbed him to death too.

Micah: “So… that pretty much means we passed the class right?”

Riley: “I’m pretty sure.”

Micah: “Standard university policy. Kill a teacher, pass a class.”

Riley: “Right… I guess we should try and figure out what these buttons do huh?”

Micah: “I suppose.”

And so we proceeded to start randomly pushing buttons on our controllers so that we wouldn’t inadvertently murder anyone else. Unfortunately one of my buttons (unbeknownst to me) was a “Summon a Rampaging Demon Warrior” button. I pushed that button.

Riley: “Did you do that?”

Micah: “Either that or your teacher was way more connected then I thought.”

Riley: “Man that’s awesome.”

Micah: “No kidding!!” (to the demon) “Hey buddy!! Hey, hey, little friend. Come here. Come on.”

And I accidentally shot him.

Micah: “Oh I am so sorry. I’m sorry please don’t AHHHH!!! RILEY, RILEY MY DEMON IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!”

Riley: “Micah there’s no way he could… OH MY GOODNESS HE IS!! RUN!!!

Micah: “AHHHHHH!!!!”

So we ran away from the demon that I had summoned who after one accidental firing of my amazing proton torpedo weapon… thing. Decided that he wanted to kill me. And Riley. So we ran around Riley’s school until we found a very tall building that we subsequently ran inside of. After climbing roughly four million stairs we arrived at the top of the tower and observed the gorgeous vista below us.

After cowering in fear for several moments and desperately praying for deliverance from the demon I had inadvertently summoned and even more inadvertently shot in the face we headed down the stairs. And got stuck.

Micah: “Umm… why can’t I go down the stairs?”

Riley: “I have no idea… we appear to be stuck.”

Micah: “Stuck? Up here??? Riley I… I… don’t want to die. I’m gonna starve to death up here and that’ll be it!! The end!”

Riley: “Micah you’re a robot. You can’t starve to death.”

Micah: “Starved of love Riley. I will died starved of love. Up here. Alone.” (singing) “I”m all alone!! There’s no one here beside me!! My troubles are all gone… there’s…”

Riley: “I’m standing right beside you.”

Micah: “Well nearly alone… except for a sort of hot elf… which isn’t that bad really.”

Riley: “Thanks.”

Micah: “No probs.”

At this point we figured out why we couldn’t go down the stairs. Because the murder demon was coming up them.

Riley: “AHHH!!!!”

Micah: “AHHHH!!!! Never mind I wanna die alone I wanna die alone I….”

And the demon killed us.

So we the game launched us back several minutes and we merrily ran around the school  before hopping through the gate and exiting out into the wild world beyond. It was just as we encountering our first actual enemies little woodsmen with axes. That something came up behind us.

Micah: “NO way!!!”

Riley: “Your kidding me!!”

Micah: “AHHHHHH!!!!”

It was the demon. Who had not only survived the games reloading but had also succeeded in killing us a second time.

And that was pretty much our journey’s last night. We officially decided to restart the game and pick new characters and stay as far away from any sort of demon/angry school teachers but those are the highlights thus far. Thanks for reading!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s