Judging Covers 03/22/12

Posted: March 22, 2012 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , , , ,

Hey all, a bit of a shorter post today due to mass pandemonium in my life!! Still though here are some trailers that have come out my recently and my mostly not based on facts opinions of them.

Piranha 3DD

Ew. Do not watch this movie. OR the trailer. Actually don’t even think about Piranha 3DD. The last piranha movie (the well entitled Piranha 3D) was so bad it hurt my brain, got terrible reviews, and killed all sorts of cute forest critters, just by existing. And for all intents and purposes this movie’s trailer looks to be sleazier, dumber, and more horrible towards women than ever. Seriously I’m kind of disgusted with myself for watching it… I’m gonna go watch the Dark Knight Rises trailer just to make myself feel better.

Seeking Justice

I promise you January Jones's facial expression in this poster will be the exact same one that's in the movie... the entire... time.

A movie featuring the still unmoving face of January Jones and the crazy insane face of Nicolas Cage all in the same place. I think the premise has something to do with J Jones getting mugged and then Nicolas Cage has some guy beat up that guy and then owes him a favor… or something. Frankly it’s a weird premise and by the time this trailer was over I was bored. Yes the trailer bored me. When you’re making an action movie and the TRAILER is boring that, my friends, is what we call… an epic fail.

Frankenweenie

Yeah cause that name isn't weird at all. Why not Frankenstein? Or Frankenspark? Or something that makes sense...

“Ummm… what?” This was my response after watching this trailer. Shortly after that my response was “don’t go in there Billford” and “now I’ll have to get a new jellychilla.” This movie seems to primarily feature a boy raising his dog from the dead in a Frankenstein sort of un-death way. I’m assuming there’s another plot in there somewhere but if they stick with the source material (the actual Frankenstein) the dog will go crazy and start randomly devouring people…  And as completely hilarious as that would be I somehow am guessing that it won’t be the direction this fluffy stop motion clay-mation thing will be going. And speaking of claymation going in weird directions…

Paranorman

Don’t really know how I feel about this one honestly… I mean it really does look like sort of a cool idea and I love the use of the clay moving stuff to create zombies and Norman’s awesome hair but at this point any movie that involves “the dumb but lovable fat kid” has officially transgressed rule 75A of “Micah’s Guide to Being Smarter than a Marmoset.” So yeah… unsure.

Dark Shadows

Hey look!! Another sort of strange looking movie featuring things that are supposed to be dead. Tim Burton (brilliant Director behind a ton of great movies) gets together with Johnny Depp and Helen Bonham Carter (or HBC as they call her at various hip night clubs full of hipsters) to make a comedy about a Vampire named Barnabus. Barnabus… Barnnnnabus… man that word is fun to say. Like having a monkey slowly roll warmed butter around your tongue… that got creepy really quickly didn’t it? Anyway though, this movie looks pretty decent actually. Tim Burton movies are generally weird, trippy, and strange but they are enjoyable on the whole (think the new Alice in Wonderland). Plus Johnny Depp is awesome so… there’s that.

Because if you don't know what to do with your poster just stick Johnny Depp's face on it. I'll line up.

Wrath of the Titans

I can’t make up my mind about this one. Clash of the Titans (part 1 in the gripping “of the Titans”) was a major letdown for me. This was mostly because the trailers looked absolutely EPIC and then the movie was (at best) a “meh”. So can another movie with essentially all the same characters, the same creators, and (what appears to be) a storyline based on the same premise not be a major letdown?? I don’t know… I really really don’t. Oh also this movie has a Chimera in it which is actually kind of epic. If nothing else that might be worth the price of admission. Also: Liam Neeson.

I have no words for the coolness of this picture.

Well there you have it friends and countrymen! Hey if you missed it Monday I finally did my liveblog that I’ve been threatening to do! You should check it out here! All right, have a great weekend and check back next week as I review the new Three Musketeers movies!!

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