Weekly Headlines 02/02/12

Posted: February 2, 2012 by Micah in Weekly Headlines
Tags: , ,
Happy Groundhog day everyone. As we all know, of course, Groundhog day originated when women got so incredibly bored watching sportscasters talk about the super bowl that they decided to come up with a semi-lame excuse to watch a furry animal pop out of it’s hole and then pop back in. Apparently it somehow predicts the weather as well which is incredible though not as impressive as “Jelly Covered Bison Day” in which a Bison covered in peach preserves predicts the winner of the Indy 500.

Predict the weather for me you fluffy pig.

The Director of the soon to be released Noah movie is attempting to get Russell Crowe to play the lead character. He’s also rumored to be going after the ever awesome Liam Neeson who will be playing the part of the boat.

In further “the ever awesome” Liam Neeson news “The Grey” (Neeson’s newest movie) is currently the number 1 movie at the box office. A movie that stars Neeson, a pack of wolves, and a snowy mountain The Grey is being called by high brow magazines everywhere: “the most awesome thing since that last awesome thing that involved Neeson punching stuff and looking surly. Also it’s awesome.”

The newest of the roughly 4,282,487.62 film versions of Romeo and Juliet has recently begun filming in Rome. In an astonishing moment of extreme outreach: no one cared.

And hey, there’s a new GI: Joe trailer that’s coming out soon! And in the only thing this movie will ever have in common with Romeo and Juliet: no one cared.

In other GI: Joe related news: the last trailer for the movie made it look a whole lot like within the first ten minutes of this film the obnoxious blob of attractive non-actorness that we know as Channing Tatum gets blowed up. I will probably pay for a ticket just to watch that happen.

So wait wait... I pay you ten dollars and you blow up Channing Tatum?? Sign. Me. Up.

In news of the “me being awesome” variety: I talked about how one of the great afflictions of man was that every time anyone says “let’s start at the beginng” every woman within fifty miles thinks the funniest thing ever would be to sing the song from the Sound of Music. That very night the exact scenario I described happened. So not only am I a Ninja, Warrior, Jedi, Vampire blogger. I am now a Ninja, Warrior, Jedi, Vampire, PSYCHIC blogger with a dead fish glued to his bedroom wall… disregard that last bit… it’s unrelated… and squishy.

A little while ago I wrote a whole post on movie taglines. Well friends a close contender for number 1 on the list is the new tagline for Ghost Rider 2! “No Cape. No tights. No face.” I have a newfound desire to see this movie and ride a motorcycle… though not… at the same time.

I have no words for this much awesome.

On “Ellen,” a show hosted by famed not funny person Ellen Degeneres, Michelle Obama said that… zzzz…. zzzz….

Space Aliens recently announced that they are delaying their plans to invade the earth and enslave humanity until July 21st of this year. When asked why the aliens blinked their three headed googly eyes and said “Duh, Batman.” The Dark Knight Rises comes out July 20th after which mankind will invariably (and fortunately) collapse, before the release of the new Romeo and Juliet.

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