The Sound of Music

Posted: January 30, 2012 by Micah in Movie Reviews
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Recently I was informed by someone that they had seen pretty much none of the movies I have reviewed on this website. This person also insinuated that I have the grammatical skills of a particularly slow gerbil but there are only so many things I can fix in one afternoon. So as opposed to actually I don’t know… getting a grammatical education or not writing anymore and retiring to my private mansion insideMt.Vesuvius. I have decided to sit down here and now and write a review of a movie that everyone has seen! A movie so epic and generational that every boy, man, women, and small dog-like animal must have seen it! I am of course talking about: The Dark Knight!! Ba ha ha. No. I am, of course, kidding. As you may have surmised from the big red writing up at the top of this post I am talking about The Sound of Music!

Micah Retro Reviews: The Sound of Music 

 

The Sound of Music: A cautionary tale for nuns everywhere.

The Plot:

So… The hills are alive with the sound of music. (and also) They sing with a song never heard before. (sometimes) I go to the hills for the sound of music… and those are the only lines I remember. The Sound of Music opens up with a sweeping, majestic, mountain sequence and the golden voice of Julie Andrews reminding us all why marijuana should never be smoked before embarking on a hike.

Shortly after this scene we go to a nunnery (Hamlet joke) where we are introduced to various nuns and their arys. They all sing about what a pain in their respective nun butts Maria is (due to her constant singing and hilarious pranking) and how they really wish she would leave the nunnery and follow her dreams to become a professional gnat wrangler.

Maria is shipped off to become a maid for some retired Navy captain and his small army of children all of whom have the same relative intelligence as a piece of pencil lead. Anyway through a series of events I really don’t care to remember Maria gradually gains the love and respect of Edmund, Lucy, Susan, Flopsy, Mopsy, Sleepy, Dopy, and Freederich and they all sing while hanging from trees and wearing curtains.

 

Oh. I forgot. In one of the least sensical moves in any motion picture ever. There is a song about goats and a goatherder and... a hat... and what might be a pig in the middle there. I have no idea how this got past the marketing department.

Through another series of events Maria and Captain Von Trap fall in love (in direct violation of section 4 underline B.4 of the nun code. Which reads “Thou shalt not play hopscotch in mixed groups… Also in unmixed groups or while eating mixed nuts. And no getting married… you nun typed people.”) and they get married and form the Brady Bunch… or something.

Meanwhile (in other parts ofAustria) people are Nazi’s. And Nazi’s (as we all know) hate people who wear drapes. So Maria and her family are forced to come up with a brilliant plan for escape in which they hold a giant concert and sneak away in the middle of it as opposed to (I don’t know) doing it at a not concert where people will not be pointing large spotlights at them.

The Positives: 

Edelweiss is an awesome song!

The Negatrons:

I can’t really give negatives to a movie like The Sound of Music… I feel like I’m rebelling against my heritage or something. This is like taking Great Aunt Gabbers famous rhubarb pie and throwing a diseased trout into it. So instead of giving negatives I’ll give…

The Less Positives:

Lederhosen.

 

Someone please tell me those pants are illegal. PLEASE!

The fact that every time someone says “Let’s start at the beginning” every women with forty miles thinks the funniest thing to do in the world is to sing “a very good place to start.”

The fact that “A Few of my Favorite Things” is NOT a Christmas song. Even a little bit. In my opinion (and this is just my opinion mind you) if a song does not include the word “Christmas” or “Santa Clause” or “Holiday” or “Frosty” or anything even vaguely related to Christmas it’s NOT a Christmas song. That is, of course, just my opinion.

In Conclusion:

In all seriousness folks watching the Sound of Music is as much a cultural experience as it is an entertainment venue. The script isn’t the best you’ll ever see, but the songs are classic, and the story is timeless. I’m not even going to touch giving this movie an actual whatever out of 5 rating because whichever way I landed someone would be angrily brandishing a pitch fork at me. So let me simply say that the Sound of Music is just one of those things that you have to experience at least once. Like apple pie, or a live sporting event, or the basic laws of grammar.

And with that (oh fair internet friends) I bid you a kindly farewell. I’ll see you Thursday when I get back to doing that whole “pop culture” thing that I do as opposed to the “popped culture that you find wedged under the couch cushions” that I did today.

Oh and for those of you who want more Sound of Music thoughts. Here’s a link to an old episode of House of Carter (my Video Web Series) wherein such things are discussed.

The House of Carter

 

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Comments
  1. Lydia says:

    Oh, Micah. I would say more, but I’m laughing too hard…

  2. Ron Pyle says:

    Alright, I understood every word except the word “arys”. I googled it and discovered that it is a place in Kazahkstan. Perhaps this is a haven for nuns–I’m not sure–but I am impressed with your vocabulary.

    I’m honored that you would take precious time from the Bob Jones University Press Distant Learning labor budget just to write a review that I would understand. Should I send a thank you note to you or to Mr. Apelian?

    Your brilliant review reminded me why I watched the movie in the first place: I had small children in the home during the last decade of the 20th century and I was not allowed to watch any films that I actually liked. So, thanks for the memories and “adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu.”

  3. Micah says:

    First off: Thanks Lydia 🙂

    Secondly: Mr. Pyle I was splitting up the word Nunnery. “Nuns and their ary’s.” don’t ask me why… or why the spelling mysteriously changed… I have no explanation. Also we prefer the term “taking an extended lunch break” over “precious time from Bob Jones” and finally thanks for getting that song stuck in my head… It’s my favorite…

    And really finally, thanks for reading! Both to you and to all those fans out there in the wide realms of the internet!

  4. Katrina Case says:

    Oh Micah…laughing SO HARD. Thank you for taking lunch break away from Dr. Bob (or whatever was necessary to create this)….so funny! Ah! 😀

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