Weekly Headlines 01/12/12

Posted: January 12, 2012 by Micah in Weekly Headlines
Tags: , , , ,

The Bourne Legacy, a movie starring Jeremy Renner as a new spy in the old series, is getting all ready to roll out and has released this poster.

Tune in later for the fifth entry in the Bourne series Bourne Born: The Early Years.

A poster that literally tells us absolutely nothing, other then that it’s a Bourne movie and to prepare for the unexpected… that’s like telling me to expect the unexpected… which is impossible right? I mean if it’s unexpected I (by definition) don’t expect it do I? I mean the moment I expect the unexpected it becomes expected doesn’t it?… I think… On the positive side, it was just announced that Edward Norton (a criminally under-appreciated actor who rescued the Hulk from an over emotional whiny girl actor pretending to be Eric Bana) will be in the movie so that’s a win!

Universal wants another sequel to Bruce Almighty. For those of you who were spared the anguish of watching Bruce Almighty it featured Jim Carrey getting the powers of the Lord. And yes, it was just as horrible an idea as that sounds… in fact hang on, I’m just gonna run and wash my hands real fast……. and we’re back. That movie spawned the sequel Evan Almighty a movie that featured Steve Carrel becoming Noah. And yes, that was somehow an even worse idea then the first idea. I can’t think of how they could possibly sink lower here… maybe a movie featuring Robert Pattinson getting all the powers of Moses… or Adam Sandler playing the Apostle Peter… ew… I take back the previous statements there are tons of ways they could sink lower and I’m sure they will do their absolute best to do so!

Step Up 4 has been officially slated for release on July 27. A hilarious comedy series featuring people who randomly perform elaborate choreographed dance routine’s with almost no practice or actual talent. Step Up has somehow continued to exist despite never actually involving any actors. The fan of the Step Up series, was very excited.

Sif has been confirmed as being a participant in the upcoming Thor 2 movie. You may remember Sif as the slightly awkward, woman warrior, norse god person from Thor 1: Hammer of awesome. You may also remember Sif’s friends (the warriors three) as being the worst part of that movie. If Thor was a delicate chocolate filled cupcake the warriors three were the rabid chipmunk, droppings hidden inside of it.

The world’s newest snake species was recently announced!  Found in Tanzania the snake (which looks intensely creepy) has been named Matilda’s Horned Viper. When asked for comments the Viper said it was highly offended and would have preferred some of the other options offered such as Hubert the Horned Viper or (it’s personal favorite Fangy McDeathface… “Really anything but Matilda” the snake said shaking it’s scaly head.


I don't know who this Matilda person is but she must be pretty ugly if she looks anything like this snake.

And that’s really it for Headlines this week. Not a lot… tell you what check back later this afternoon for a review of Mission Impossible 4: Tom Cruise Tries Long Hair Again. So… I’m gonna go write that… no sleep for me!

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