Weekly Headlines 01/05/12

Posted: January 5, 2012 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , , , ,

Seth Rogen is producing (and potentially starring in) a comedy/action movie gloriously entitled “The B Team.” Not to be confused with other “B” related movies such as: The Land Before Time, The Bee Movie, and Everything Sesame Street has ever done. My expectations for this movie are perfectly embodied by its title.

So… right around Christmas, Lady Gaga released an “uncensored” new song ironically entitled: “Uncensored” as a gift to her fans. When asked if this had anything to do with the fact that Taylor Swift did almost the exact same thing several days before: Lady Gaga declined to comment and hastily hot glued a live muskrat to herself.

Lady Gaga: a woman whose idea of fashion may or may not one day end the world.

Speaking of Taylor Swift, she’s actually been connected to the new Les Miserables musical movie… thing. I’m fairly unfamiliar with the musical but Swift apparently would play Eponine a spoiled inn keepers daughter whose name makes me think of the horse in Zelda.

Easily Taylor Swifts most challenging role to date. Oh the horse is named Epona? Oh...

In other Les Miserables news: Amanda Seyfried has been mostly confirmed for the part of Cosette. When asked why he cast Seyfried the director said the movie’s cast (Hugh Jackmen, Russell Crowe, Anne Hathaway, and Helen Bonham Carter) was just too good and he thought it might help to add someone less talented who was in horrible movies, just to round things out. That noise you’re hearing is my excitement for this movie being sucked out of me.

The face that sailed a thousand bad movies...

In really good news, Benedict Cumberbatch (a British actor with mad skills and a posh name) has signed on for the new Star Trek movie. When asked who he would be playing Cumberbatch laughed in a very british sort of way and said something awesome.

The Scorpian King 3 is coming to DVD this week! You may remember the Scorpion King 1, a movie only very loosely connected to “The Mummy” series that was pretty bad and featured Dwayne Johnson. You probably don’t remember The Scorpion King 2 a movie very very loosely connected to “The Mummy” series that was REALLY bad and didn’t feature anyone. Well, this is The Scorpion King 3, a movie that watched “The Mummy” series once, looks like it will re-define “bad” and features two dogs and a talking parrot. When asked why this movie was made studio execs said: “Well what else were we gonna do with that 20 Million dollars?”

And finally, in news far too funny to be made up, Pepsi Company is being sued by a man who claims that he found a dead mouse in his bottle of Mountain Dew. Pepsi’s defense? Any mouse trapped in a bottle of Mountain Dew would be dissolved into unrecognizable goo. And no ladies and gentleman I am not making that up.

Delicious soft drink, or mouse killing acid?? You decide.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s