Weekly Headlines 12/16

Posted: December 16, 2011 by Micah in Weekly Headlines

In my official “yay irony” segment for the week the Navy and Army had their annual college football game recently! The Navy won. In fact that Navy has won the last 10 games in a row. That’s right folks the Navy has triumphed over the Army for ten consecutive years in a sport that is played entirely on dry ground. I hope the Army has a really good water polo team.

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted continues to roll on the irony train because frankly Madagascar 3 is something that absolutely no one actually wanted.

Okay who put the four least popular characters on the poster? Wait those are the main characters?? Oh.

NO ONE. I mean the only redeeming factors of the first two movies were King Julien and the penguins and I can’t shake the feeling that the writers of this movie don’t know that.

The box office this week suffered through one of the worst weekends it’s had since September of 2008. The reason? Well let’s put it this way, the two big new movies were a “comedy” starring the “hey it’s another slightly over weight almost sort of but not really funny guy” Jonah Hill. And “New Years Eve” a sequel to a movie that no one liked, starring an ensemble cast made up of really famous people, with a script that was written by a rabid pear.

A couple weeks ago we talked about how a coach blamed a newly released video game (Modern Warfare 3) for his teams poor performance. In the weeks since Modern Warfare’s release it has been blamed for low box office income, multiple divorces, and the giant killer asteroid plummeting towards earth. Our only hope now is that the world ends before the release of Modern Warfare 4.

Speaking of things that could potentially end the world: George Lucas said that he has a pretty good idea what the next Indiana Jones movie is going to be about… yup. The next Indiana Jones movie. Do you remember the last Indiana Jones movie?

This movie goes right up their with the bubonic plague on my list of worst ideas ever.

The one that had someone surviving a NUCLEAR EXPLOSION by hiding inside of a FRIDGE? Do you remember that? I do… it still haunts my dreams…

Continuing to speak of things that may end the world: I’m pretty sure that giant killer meteor I mentioned is now permanently embedded in my left eye

Okay so, the 2012 Golden Globe nominations have finally been introduced officially kicking off Awards Season 2012!! The Golden Globes are essentially the Oscar’s slightly more fun younger brother that no one really likes. But because you probably didn’t ask for it here’s a real quick look at the nominations in the major categories…

Demian Bichir, “A Better Life” –  For some reason when I read that name I get this vague image of a Russian bouncer saying things like… “Bounce” or whatever bouncers actually say. That’s not at all what this movie was about and seeing as this guy is actually Mexican, I guess it’s sort of a moot point.

George Clooney, “The Descendants” – Hey look George Clooney has been deservedly nominated for a best actor award! In other breaking news the sky is blue, the grass is green, and the rain in Spain stays mostly on Demian Bichir.

Leonardo DiCaprio, “J. Edgar” – Hey look Leonardo DiCaprio got nominated for an Academy Award for doing J. Edgar… man I wish someone had predicted this several months ago… oh wait… I did… right here.

Jean Dujardin “The Artist” – A guy who starred in this years silent film and who could also be a Russian bouncer.

Even if he doesn't pick up this award Jean is a lock for the prestigious "Creepiest stash award".

Brad Pitt, “Moneyball” – A movie that actually did a lot better then I thought it would. The semi-true story of real life baseball General Manager Billy Beane who looks absolutely nothing like Brad Pitt.

Viola Davis, “The Help” – Big win this year for the Help which was a great film! My only real question is why isn’t Emma Stone (The star of the movie) listed here as well? I thought Davis was absolutely brilliant but Stone was as well. Oh well.

Meryl Streep, “The Iron Lady” – Do you know that Meryl Streep has been nominated for roughly 4 billion 700 thousand 948 different awards in the course of her career? Well she hasn’t. But she gets nominated a lot and never really un-deservingly. She really is this good.

Tilda Swinton “We Need to Talk about Kevin” – Swinton (aka the White Witch in Chronicles of Narnia) pulled in a ton of last minute votes for this one. If I had to pick one of these 5 to get replaced come academy award time this would probably be it.

Michelle Williams, “My Week with Marilyn” – A movie that I am DYING to see mostly because it has Kenneth Branagh playing Lawrence Olivie in it but I hear Williams does great as well.

Glenn Close, “Albert Nobbs” – Okay so in this film Glen Close plays a woman, who plays a man, playing a butler, who wants to open his own shop so he can continue playing a man… or something…


You want to know the weirdest thing about this whole movie? I would totally buy Glenn Close as a man... it's unsettling.

There are obviously a lot more nominations on the ballot but that’ll do for now. I’ll hit up the rest next week probably in a massive extravaganza post dedicated to to Glenn Close and the Russian bouncer who wouldn’t let her into the bar. Or something.

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