So after not posting yesterday due to the fact that my knee is currently desperately rebelling against the rest of my body I’m faced with the somewhat odd conundrum of trying to figure out what to write about on this extremely early Tuesday/late Monday…. and I’ve got it. Inspired by the new trailers for two different Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs spin offs I’ve decided to look at some old classic occasions where two studios “accidentally” ended up making a movie/TV series based off the same basic idea!
The Hulk vs. The Incredible Hulk
The Hulk was a movie starring Eric Bana who I really do generally like as an actor, and I don’t blame him for the fact that this movie was as entertaining as a small Peruvian worm doing stand up comedy… in the pits of Hades. No I blame the fact that somehow the movie’s villain sent “hulk dogs” after the Hulk. Or the fact that at least ten minutes of the movie was spent watching the Hulk “super-jump” across America. Or the fact that the script was written by a particularly ill-spoken guppy. And primarily the fact that years after watching movie I still have no idea what in the world happened at the end or how the main protagonist defeated the antagonist. Someone yelled “You want it? Then take it!” and then there was a green light and I woke up on a strange alien ship… I mean the movie ended.
The Incredible Hulk was sort of a semi-reboot semi-sequel movie that starred Edward Norton as the Incredible Hulk and was written by someone who knew which way to hold a pen. The script wasn’t great but it wasn’t horrendous and for the most part the plot made sense, I liked the main character, and the big villain at the end was beat by the Hulk punching him in the face not by some transference of cosmic energy or whatever.
Winner: The Incredible Hulk… by a lot.
Finding Nemo vs. A Shark’s Tale
A lot of people forget how close together these two movies came out. Granted this is largely because no one actually watched Shark’s Tale.
A Shark’s Tale was essentially the story about a Shark… and his Tail. No, it was about a Shark who was the son of a loan shark (see what they did there? It’s funny cause he’s a shark and a loan… oh it’s not funny? Oh… no wonder no one watched this movie).
Finding Nemo on the other hand was a movie about an adorable fish with the inability to say the word anemone, who overcame his speech impediment and touched butts… or something. Anyway it also featured a shark who tragically failed at being a vegetarian and as a result of this film went on to become that crazy mutant shark in the Jaws films… so well done there Finding Nemo.
The winner: Finding Nemo if nothing else for the line “I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy”
Grimm vs. Once Upon A Time
I’ve written long reviews of both these shows but here we are ready for a full face off!
Grimm is a show loosely based on Fairy Tales, life as a Cop, and giving super-natural beings really lame sounding names. Werewolves are Bluebods, Werebears are Yagerbears, and Half-bees half humans are called something I don’t remember… but it was a dumb thing. So far it’s been a mostly cool show with a decent script that will either get really good as it comes into it’s own or really bad as it runs out of fairy tales and decides to introduce random love interests with the emotional depth of cheese and broccoli casserole.
Once Upon a Time is a show about Fairy Tale characters who get launched into our world and forget they are fairy tales and are stuck being guarded by an evil queen typed person. Once Upon a Time has a really cool idea lurking behind it in the shadows! Unfortunately standing in the light with both arms outstretched as it sings “Oklahoma” is a horribly awkward script and actors who could be outperformed by a diseased ferret. It has almost the exact opposite feel as Grimm does as I feel like this show is bad now but could get much better if it decides to be.
And the winner is… Grimm… for now.
And finally the reason we are gathered here today Mirror Mirror vs. Snow White and the Huntsman.
Mirror Mirror is a movie that really wants to be funny. A lot.Nathan Lane actually really is a funny guy but any trailer that makes him look bland and boring, you know is probably not setting itself up for a lot of success. Julia Roberts seems to be gleefully running amok through lines of “humor” and a midget says “meet my little friend”… There is so much wrong with this movie’s TRAILER that I can’t imagine how bad the full movie is going to be.
The Trailer for Snow White and the Huntsman is… intriguing? Exciting. Both? Either? Either? Neither? Potato? We’ll never know… or… we’ll know now… one of those two. Obviously the biggest strike against this movie is it has Kristin Stewart in it. Kristin Stewart who may or may not be made of lime encrusted balsa wood for all the facial expressions she posses. On the other hand though… Charlize Theron looks like she could do a good job as the Queen, Chris Hemsworth is awesome and the Director seems to have some really cool concepts for how this movie should go down. I’m excited.
And the winner is: Snow White and the Huntsman.
Well thanks for reading everyone!! I won’t actually be posting on thanksgiving this week so check back in on Friday for some Weekly Headlines and whatever else I think up between now and then!