Judging Covers 11/11/11/11

Posted: November 11, 2011 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , , , , ,

Happy Friday everyone! And here to usher in this new weekend on Thoughts We Might Have had how about some good old Judging Covers! Where I watch trailers and then make unfair and partially biased decisions based on limited or no actual information! Yay!!

Happy Feet Two or Two Happy Feet… or Happy Two Feet… which sounds like a pirate name.

Your brain on drugs everyone. Any questions?

Cause why not make a sequel to a movie that no one liked!! Here was my thing with Happy Feet 1, it actually wasn’t a bad movie until it decided to get really long and sort of depressing. No one wants to watch a kids movie that’s overly long and sort of depressing that’s why we watch the evening news. But I digress.

The trailer seems to not be able to make up its mind whether were telling a story about shrimp, penguins, a walrus, a different penguin, a different shrimp, or a seals butt. I guess it could be good but I struggle with animated movies that try and distract you with who’s doing the voice work. I mean half of the trailer is comprised of them telling you who voiced the characters. Not a good sign. Plus it seems to have based it’s marketing campaign around bludgeoning me to death with cute fluffiness and ever since I traded my soul to starbucks that just hasn’t worked on me.

An excitement rating of: 2 out of 5.

The Lorax:

Speaking of animated movies that are too long, I was actually sort of excited about this movie until I watched the trailer and was somehow bored! Really movie? I men if you can’t grab my attention for five minutes while you deliver what is supposedly the parts that you think will make me want to watch you most your really not doing well. Plus who is that little boy singing the theme song? Did you find him on the streets? Does he have laryngitis? Is English his first language? I think the Lorax broke several child labor laws just allowing that boy to shame himself forever. But hey it’s got Taylor Swift in it!!

Wait a second… why didn’t Taylor Swift sing that song movie?? That’s it. I’m done.

And excitement rating of 1 out of 5.

Arthur Christmas:

Rudolph the Red Nosed Spaceship! Have a very shiny glow...

And another animated movie! My. Goodness. Okay so of the three this is probably the one that looks the best. A fairly interesting premise combined with a cool art direction style and the voice of James MCavoy might just make this bearable and maybe a good alternative to watching my least favorite Christmas movie ever: Elf. (I’d explain this but that’s a whole blog post in and of itself. I’ve been hurt before okay? Some scars don’t heal.)

An excitement rating of 3 out of 5.

Safe House:

Denzel Washington plays a spy gone rogue who gets captured and put in a safe house guarded by the Green Lantern… I mean Deadpool… I mean Ryan Reynolds. The house gets attacked by rampant Christmas carolers (give us some figgy pudding or we’ll shoot you from here) and Reynolds and Washington go on the run together.

Welcome back Denzel!! I missed you so!! Where have you been? What you did a movie where the principle villain was a train? No. No I don’t think that was you. I’m pretty sure that was a different Denzel.  Of course I’m excited about this movie! The poster is comprised of Denzel Washington staring at you! I feel like I should be picking up a football and running a mile or something.

Denzel says to watch his movie. Do it.

Excitement rating of 4 out of 5.

The Immortals:

A movie that actually comes out today, Immortals seems to be building its principle plot around men wearing short skirts and then stabbing each other. And/or arrowing each other. Apparently Mickey Rourke has decided never to open his mouth while he talks again and some dude with a shield and a mini skirt was shouting about immortality while standing on a ledge above his men… who could no doubt see right up his skirt. Really hope he had some shorts on or something there.

Honestly this is one of those movies that will either be really good or really bad and doesn’t have a lot of ground to mess around with in between. I’m hopefully it’ll land on the really good side of things but honestly it will mostly just depend on if the script is at all interesting or if the director just wanted an excuse to choreograph a mini-skirted man fight.

Excitement rating of 4 out of 5

Red Tails 

A movie about the adventures of four small Red-Tailed rabbits as they seek there homes in the far woods of… oh wait nope… sorry. Ahem…

In all seriousness there’s a very cool looking movie here. The story of African-American fighter pilots in World War 2. Good premise, decent looking script, cool chance to watch stuff get blowed up. Count me in! Of course the movie was also made by Lucas Arts which means I will spend most of the movie waiting for Han Solo to fly in at the last minute and save the day.

Excitement rating of 4 out of 5.

Snow White and the Hunstman

All due respect to the Queen but making your dress out of crows just seems like a poor decision all around.

Okay so I was not excited at all about this movie. After all the last “we’re taking a fairy tale and re-doing it with a twist” movie I watched was the putrid unmoving pile of semi gelatinous terrible that was Red Riding Hood. A movie that starred Amanda Seyfriend and made me like Gary Oldman less. It was so bad I literally hurt my brain watching it. If I had a fish carcass from the presizoic era and a spoon made out of Riceroni, I would (by default) be a better movie.

A movie that starred Kristen Stewart (Bella from Twilight) featured Snow White and had Chris Hemsworth (who I like and don’t want to see ruined by a bad movie like Gary Oldman was) frankly scared me to death.

But after watching the trailer… I’m actually very intrigued. Charlize Theron (not my favorite actress as she generally plays unlikable shallow people in chick flicks) can be good when she tries to be and seems to do a pretty good job as the evil Queen.

Hemsworth seems to have a much bigger part then I thought he would and it seems to chiefly involve hacking things apart with axes so…. Yes please.

Stewart looks like she will be doing something other then sitting around waiting to be rescued, putting herself in danger in the hopes of being rescued, or talking about how much she wishes she could be rescued. In fact Stewart might actually have to break out of her Twilight character entirely and exhibit some form of emotion!! (assuming she has those… which is, granted, fairly unlikely).

Finally the thing that excites me most about this whole thing is the director. Rupert Sanders (aside from having a terrible name) will actually be directing his first major motion picture for Snow White and the Thor. Sanders has done a ton of work in commercials though most notably in the realm of video game ads. You may laugh at that but honestly if you watch some of the trailers this guy has done (Halo ODST and the legendary “Halo 3: Believe” trailer) he’s legit. Plus just by watching the trailer you can see he’s got some great ideas. The Magic mirror actually looks cool as opposed to just some morons face glued to the inside of a mirror like EVERY OTHER STUPID PERSON DOES. The Queen is motivated by a chance for eternal life rather then just “she’s prettier then me.” And Chris Hemsworth is a big big man. So yeah… surprisingly excited by this film.

Oh here are some links for the benefit of your brain:

http://www.rupertsanders.com/odst.html?ref=0

http://www.rupertsanders.com/halo3-believe.html?ref=0

And the link to the trailer itself:

http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/universal/snowwhiteandthehuntsman/

Excitement rating… 5 out of 5.

Don’t let me down Rupert… don’t let me down.

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