Weekly Headlines 11/10

Posted: November 10, 2011 by Micah in Weekly Headlines
Tags: , , , ,

Welcome to another weak of headlines everyone!

Andy Serkis has signed on to the sequel of this summers surprise box office hit Rise of the Planet of the Apes. 20th Century Fox has said that in an attempt to ensure yet another unnecessarily long title this movie may be called: Even More Rising of More Apes on the Sameish Sort of Planet. James Franco has yet to agree to a deal but in a wave of exhilarating realization: no one cared.

Andy Serkis: One of the most famous people who you have probably never actually seen.

For the second week in a row Puss in Boots took first place at the box office. Ironically enough one of the movies that Puss in Boots beat out (Tower Heist) featured Eddie Murphy, the voice of Donkey in Shrek. This we take as final proof that no one really likes Eddie Murphy anymore.

As always, Antonio Banderas gets the last laugh.

In other Eddie Murphy news the comedian has withdrawn himself from his host position for the next Oscars. Brett Ratner (who was set to direct the show) also left. When asked what they would do next Oscar executives said they were looking forward to the first ever Oscars done entirely by interpretive dance.

Your new Oscar hosts everyone! The girl in blue is also up for best supporting actor.

The next James Bond movie (the 23rd in the series) has officially been named Skyfall. Few details are currently known but James Bond actor Daniel Craig says he has been spending long hours with little chickens all across America.

The role of Princess Diana in an upcoming movie has gone to American actress Jessica Chastain. Originally the British seemed rather put off by the whole thing but then they remembered that British actors currently play Spiderman, Superman, and Batman. So… they win.

Benicio Del Toro has signed on to play the villain in J.J. Abrams next Star Trek movie. You may remember Del Toro as the guy who ruined the Wolfman by turning an awesome super natural predator, into a whiny fourth grader with daddy issues. Abrams won’t release any info on who Del Toro is playing and Del Toro himself doesn’t even completely know. My current theory? He’ll be playing Darth Vader.

MGM has acquired the film rights to Where’s Waldo and are reportedly going to be making it into a live action family movie. My only question is how do you make a movie about a guy who’s virtually impossible to see?? Then again all they’d really have to do is stick cameras to the ceilings of busy malls and have one dude in a funky sweater walk through the middle of it and they’ll make millions!

These people are all losing.

A Good Day to Die Hard, the next movie in the increasingly bizarrely named Die Hard series, is reportedly looking for a character to play Bruce Willis’s son. Willis (now 6 hundred years old) will resume the role of John McClain while whoever lands the part will be playing his embittered son Big Mac Lane McClain.

I, Frankenstein has officially been green lighted to start filming. The movie (that features Aaron Eckhart in the title role) focuses on the famous monster as he fights for the good of humanity in an increasingly fierce war between Immortals. After this movie the studio is looking forward to its production of I, Eckhart a movie in which an entire civilization is lost within the cleft of Aaron Eckhart’s chin.

Civilizations have been lost in that chasm.

And finally Jessica Simpson spoke about her pregnancy recently while promoting her new perfume line (this is an actual quote) “Pregnancy is a friend of mine, so everything has been running smoothly,” Yes that’s right folks. Jessica Simpson and Pregnancy have become friends! Of course Jess still has a horrible feud going on with Sprained Ankle but we’re hoping for the best. And just cause she wanted to further prove that blonds really do have more fun (still a real quote) “So far, so good – no morning sickness. I feel great. I’m tired, but you know, I’m making a baby here!” And there you have it! Pregnancy folks: it involves making a baby.

And with that revelation I bid you good night America. Check back tomorrow for another article as I break out the old judgment rod and take on some movie trailers.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s