Weekly Headlines 11/3

Posted: November 3, 2011 by Micah in Weekly Headlines
Tags: , ,

And in the news this week…

Warner Bros. studios has recently announced its plans to move forward with Clash of the Titans 3.

Unfortunately this poster was much cooler than anything that actually happened in the movie.

After the incredible success of the first two movies in the series… oh wait… there’s only been one of these hasn’t there? In fact part 2 of the Titans series (Wrath of the Titans) isn’t supposed to come out till March of next year. (Clash of the Titans ran with the tagline “Titans will Clash.” I’m looking forward to two months from now when they release a poster using the phrase Wrath of the Titans: Titans will Wrath!)  Essentially Warner Bros. is announcing that they have so much faith in what they referred to as the “Sam Worthington in a skirt” phenomena that they not only want to move ahead with Clash of Titans 3 but are planning on running a Sam Worthington for president campaign using the slogan “Vote for the Skirt!”

“Puss In Boots” took the top box office this week.

Many theater goers would pay 10 dollars just to look at this picture for an hour and a half.

Numerous critics have said that everyone who owns a cat should come out and see this movie. Which explains why the movie is doing so well as it is obviously being attended by the crazy cat women of the world who buy tickets for themselves and for the departed spirits of their former cat typed children.

For those of you who haven’t heard, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are rumored to be filing for divorce. I’m sure there are more details I could put here but I (to be frank) would rather jump in a pool full of grape jelly covered, lions then do any actual research into this topic.

Left Behind, the book series responsible for no less than dozens of “oh my goodness the rapture took place and I was forgotten” moments across America, has been green lighted for a movie adaptation… again. A big problem with the movie the first time around was that for some reason the movie people decided to totally abandon the actual plot of the books and have their four year old daughter write a new storyline using a crayon and scratch-n-sniff stickers. In firm proof that we learned nothing from how bad the first movie was though, studio execs have said they want the movie to have more of a “disaster movie feel” and will be changing the text accordingly. When asked how they were going to accomplish this, studio execs said they weren’t sure but that they were looking forward to choreographing the epic lightsaber battle between Cam and the half human/half robot Russ.

Taylor Lautner, he of Twilight fame, is attempting to make another foray into none werewolf related moviedom after what was universally agreed to be a dismal first attempt in a movie called Abduction, which no one liked unless their name was Taylor Lautner. Details of the movie remain unknown but they say it’s based off a New York Times article that Taylor himself unearthed. This is just a theory but I’m gonna go ahead and say the article was about a man who’s entire collection of shirts was stolen and he then ran topless through the streets of New York acting really really badly.

Lindsay Lohan got arrested again and will now serve a 30 day sentence for violating her parole. I could make about a million Lindsay Lohan jokes right here but I feel like that would be too easy. That’s like making fun of dirt for being brown or George Washington for being really dead. There’s just no challenge.

The new trailer for Underworld 4 hit the internet yesterday prompting non-Twilight fans to stand up and wave our silver stakes proudly in the air. For those of you unfamiliar with the Underworld series it is essentially the anti-Twilight, featuring vampires who are un-caring, stuck up, and vicious. Along with werewolves who spend a large portion of their time either eating kibbles and bits, or gnawing on your left leg.

“In Time” a movie featuring the acting prowess of Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried (I’d like to apologize to the word “prowess” for it’s inclusion in that sentence) hit theaters this week and met with mixed reviews.

I'm trying to figure out whether or not they meant for it to look like she's about to shoot him...

And when I say “mixed” I mean a lot of really bad reviews all mixed together in some sort of really really bad tasting milk shake. Justin Timberlake’s nonsensical decision to abandon something he was awesome at (that whole singing thing) and go into film acting took a bit of a hit after him doing actually fairly well for himself in his last couple films. Amanda Seyfried’s decision to abandon something she was awesome at (NOT acting) and go into acting also took a bit of a hit but she was confident she could carry right on based on the fact that she is apparently really attractive to someone somewhere.

Hockey season is apparently happening again this year. I’m relatively sure there are teams in first, teams not in first, and someone bleeding heavily but as is my policy with hockey season every year I have elected not to care until the playoffs start… and then still not care.

DC Universe Online a game that tried to steal some of the market from the golden plated juggernaut of gaming that we call World of Warcraft has announced its intention to switch to a free to play model.

Warcraft is cackling maniacally at you!

They made this announcement  after realizing that only about six people were actually playing the game. DC polled various gamers to find out if they liked the new format but all of them were to busy leveling up their level 68 Troll Mage to answer the phone. When asked to comment on the new “competition” the makers of Warcraft snickered loudly and continued filling their bath tubs with hundred dollar bills.

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Comments
  1. Cassie says:

    Speaking as true cat lover, I will NOT be seeing Puss in Boots, as I feel it demeans cats and those who love them. 😉
    Thank you, I’m done. 😉
    Also, did you slam cat lovers? Just checking . . . 😉

  2. Lydia says:

    I also, will not be watching the cat in boots, as I feel it demeans Zorro. 😉

  3. Micah says:

    Ha ha well there’s two people who will not be attending I suppose 😉 way to stand apart ladies!! Thanks for reading!

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