Top Ten Costume choices

Posted: October 24, 2011 by Micah in Randomnicity
Tags: , , , , ,

Recently I was invited to a costume party. This was awesome! After all everyone loves a good costume party right? Of course after the brief euphoria and several visions of me striding through the house dressed as Ironman I came to an extremely awkward realization… I had no idea what I was going to wear.  And so instead of doing what any normal person would do: namely sit down and think rationally about things. I decided to sit here in my bed at an egregiously late hour and write about all the things I might be if I had time, money, and an entire legion of elderly grandmothers waiting to darn my socks into perfect replicas of the feet of Liam Neeson.

Thing 10: A bear… with a fish.

I have no idea on this one. It’s late. I like bears. Shut-up.

Behold the Majesty

9: Cloud 

No not a cloud. Cloud. Remember this is purelya list purely based on how awesome my girlfriend would think I was (assuming I had the time and resources to pull it off). I mean you give me spikey hair and a sword roughly four times larger than my body and it’s hard to really get more exciting than that right?

Girlfriend thinks I'm awesome. (Check) Wielding that sword completely impossible according to every law of physics ever. (Also check)

I played through Final Fantasy 7 (the game this character is from) once, when I was extremely sick for a week or so at school. FF 7 is a classic example of a game that everyone says “revolutionized the industry” but when you go back and play it you realize it’s really kind of dumb. Like someone saying that Pacman is a great game and that it is essentially the great grandfather of all the other games ever but let’s face it: in the end it was about a big dot eating little dots while being chased by slightly larger dots with squiggles on the bottom. I’ve been more entertained by the instructions to washing machines.

8. Some dude with a lightsaber

The important distinction here is that I would never actually go as a specific Jedi. That’s like jumping up and down and asking people to A: point out flaws in your costume, and B: you feeling the need to explain the entire background of the person your dressed as. For instance:

Geek A: You know Qui Gon Jinn wore brown boots not black boots right.

Me: Yeah but I didn’t have brown boots and I wanted to pay homage to an underappreciated performance by Liam Neeson so I figured whatever.

Geek A: You know Qui Gon parted his hair slightly to the right not slightly to the left right? Plus your grip on that lightsaber is all wrong. Qui-Gon used an athletic style of fighting whereas yours is more of a defensive stance.

Me: Allow me to introduce you to my friend Bear With a Fish.

Bear With a Fish: Growl. Chomp.

Geek A: I go to be with my fathers. I’m coming Yoda.

Bear With a Fish: Slurp.

Going as a random Jedi and or Sith lets you just have fun pretending to cast Jedi mind tricks without having to clean up after your Bear.

Jedi Anonymous: safer for everyone.

7. Sherlock Holmes

Ironically I would be torn here between going as Robert Downey Jr.’s Sherlock Holmes from “Sherlock Holmes” or going as Benedict Cumberbatch’s Sherlock Holmes from the BBC series “Sherlock.” So just to recap I don’t know whether to go as Sherlock from Sherlock Holmes or Sherlock Holmes from Sherlock or even the original Sherlock from the Original Sherlock in the original Homes… Yeah… let’s just move on.

So much awesome. So little time.

6. War Machine

All my love to Robert Downey Jr. and Ironman but War Machine has what is quite possibly a gun directly from the bowels of an F-27 strapped to his shoulder. And I don’t think the F-27 gave it up willingly. Any suit that walks into a hanger and steals a gun from a plane that I’m pretty sure I just made up, more than deserves my patronage.

Sure he's not Robert Downey Jr. but when it comes to Robot suits of destruction: it's whats outs that counts.

5. Joseph Gordon-Levitt from Inception

Really the only downside to me wearing this outfit would be that I would consistently be trying to walk on the ceiling and punch people. Probably not the best way to make friends. Plus I feel like I would always be saying things like “are we really here? Is this party real? Are you real? Am I real? Is this vest real? Yes it is. And it’s awesome.”

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the return of the vest.

4. Batman

There are two ways to dress as Batman!

Way 1: Be Christian Bale.

Christian Bale as Batman = awesome.

Way 2: Look like some really sad nerdy typed person wishing really hard he was Christian Bale so he could dress up as Batman. Remember in the Dark Knight how those guys who dressed as Batman but weren’t Christian Bale got shot, eaten by dogs, captured by the Joker, murdered, and thrown at a window? Yeah. Don’t get drawn in. As my mom used to say “it’s all good fun till someone kidnaps you locks you in a meat locker and throws you at a window.”

I had a weird childhood.

Weird cousin Ted as batman = meat locker.

3. The Doctor

The problem with dressing up as the Doctor is that it’s pretty much going to be the costume of choice for all moderately cool people this year. There are few things worse than showing up to a party and realizing that someone else is not only wearing the same costume as you but that theirs is better. At that point your only option is to either leave or attend the party as “Captain Rolled Up pants” which (trust me) is not as funny as it sounds.

So awesome. So over done.

2. The Joker

This option had the same problem as the Doctor a few years ago but you should be relatively safe at this point. Granted at least one or two people will spend the entire party being creeped out by you and everyone you talk to will make sure they keep out of pencil reach.

Remember the whole Dark Knight pencil trick thing? When I went and saw the movie for the first time me and my friend just about died laughing when that happened. The rest of the theater was utterly silent and everyone turned and stared at us, then promptly left the theater and called the police. It was great.

If you go as the Joker expect to be asked to say this. A lot.

1. Severus Snape

If you don't go to parties as Snape, Alan Rickman will be disappointed in you. Very. Disappointed.

Snape is the absolute perfect option for this years Halloween. He’s played by the ever awesome Allen Rickman. Is a relevant enough character that you won’t have to spend the entire evening answering the “So who are you?” question but won’t be thought of by enough people to validate you rolling up your pant legs, raiding the bathroom, and pretending your coming as an erstwhile plumber…. Which would actually be a decent costume. Let’s pencil in “Erstwhile plumber in short shorts” as number 11.

Anyway so there you have it. Numbers 1-10 (and sometimes 11) on the things Micah wishes he could wear to a costume party. Consequently over the process of writing this blog I’ve come up with my costume idea and will be proudly sporting it at said party. What is it you ask?

An Erstwhile Bear cleaning a drain and looking for a fish.

No seriously. Why would I tell you?

  1. Lydia says:

    I vote doctor; you can poke ’em with your sonic screwdriver if your double shows up.

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