Micah was…

Posted: September 16, 2011 by Micah in Randomnicity

I know I said I would review Inception today but I couldn’t sleep last night and while not sleeping I was struck with proverbial lightning from on high: an idea for a brand new segment called “Micah Was…” with all the predictions and movie related thoughts I give I figured it would behoove us all to look back and actually see if I was right about whatever it was I was talking about. For instance: A couple weeks ago I wrote this about I Don’t Know How She Does It:

Hey look! It’s a movie with Sarah Jessica Parker playing a corporate woman trying to juggle having a family and a job, with hilarious consequences. Hey look! This movie sounds a lot like about a jillion other movies! Sarah Jessica Parker (in addition to having a name that takes forever to type) is desperately clinging to the idea that people like her and will come out to see a movie just cause she’s in it. Oh Sarah… if only you knew

Excitement rating: 0 out of 5. Yup. 0.

**************************

Well it turns out that Micah Was….

Right!!

Much like the movie itself, this poster is fairly boring and generic and contains way too much Sarah Jessica Parker

Pretty much everyone who’s seen I Don’t Know How She Does It has known that they hated it. I’ll site quotes from the Voice and MSN movies respectively: “What I don’t know: why these movies keep getting made” and my personal favorite “toxic drool masquerading as a comedic paean to working moms” and “a cliché-ridden, misogynistic mess,”

Yup. I win. Sarah Jessica Parker loses. And her name is still really long. Here’s the thing about a movie like this: It’s been done before!! In fact it’s been done by S.J. Parker before… a few times. The idea of a movie is to tell a story in a different/exciting way. The problem with a movie like this is it brings nothing new to the table. It’s like eating crackers. (Editor’s note: Micah must have been hungry when he was writing this or something… that said it’s not the worst metaphor ever)

Most movies (even great ones) start with the same basic story ideas. That’s the cracker. The idea of a working mom struggling with balancing her work and kids isn’t (in and of itself) a bad idea for a movie. The problem is that’s not enough. You need some kind of interesting and new way to tell that story.

Take Batman for instance (wow that’s fun to type. Seriously open up a word document and write that sentence out… Don’t you feel better?). The Dark Knight isn’t really a movie built on a crazy new storyline: villain terrorizes a city while a super-hero tries to take him down, nothing phenomenally new there. But that’s the cracker it’s built on.

What makes Dark Knight awesome is that Chris Nolan, Heath Ledger, and the various other genius people who worked on the movie put guacamole made from the sweet nectar of  Jupiter’s eighth moon on the cracker. Then surrounded the cracker with a platter made from gold and silver hand mined by master Dwarven craftsmen from Middle-earth and served it with a side of milk taken from the mystical cows of Santa Clause

I Don’t Know How She Does It, took their cracker (basic story about a working mom balancing work and moming.. wow that could be a sport… Moming… Olympic Moming!!) and stuffed said cracker into the body of a dead grizzly bear (Sarah Jessica Parker’s acting career)! They then took that bear and drizzled a light coating of live jellyfish over it (a bland, not funny script) and threw it at your face (your face).

I’m not saying the fact that this movie is based on a fairly common pretense is a bad thing. I’m just saying this was a stupid movie. Anyway though, there you have it. Undeniable proof that I am awesome! We’ll be bringing back “Micah was…” a few more times on the site and who knows I may even (very occasionally) not be right. For instance when I said I would review inception today… not right. Check back on Monday when I actually do what I said I was going to do!

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Comments
  1. Lydia says:

    Mystical…cows…of…what?!? Ha!

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