The obvious next choice for movie reviews after X-men: First class was: Thor! A movie that is making its way to DVD in the very very near future… like tomorrow. So… here we go.
We open up Thor with a flash back narrated by a narrator who had his vocal chords replaced with chocolate covered silk. He informs us that back in the olden days before you or your mom put your dirty feet on Grandma’s new rug there was a big battle between the Norse gods (led by Odin) and the Frost Giants (led by Major-General Frostybreath). Odin laid some smack down on the giants and saved the earth and all the wee little earthlings upon it. He also took the Frost Giants magic blue box (that they used to freeze stuff (things like peas, hot dogs, and human civilizations)), and sent them an insulting letter… okay so not that last one.
Anyway, we jump forward some years and are introduced to Odin’s son Thor! Thor is played by Chris Hemsworth, a man who has roughly the same muscle mass as a BengalTiger… on steroids… taped to Hulk Hogan. Anyway some foolish Frost Giant people try to come back and reclaim their magic treasure chesty thing and Thor starts throwing a hissy feet. He marches off to deal some good old fashioned Hammer theme-ed justice but, unfortunately for Thor, daddy Odin didn’t really think the Frost Giants needed a whooping and (somewhat hypocritically I feel) condemns Thor for doing so.
Odin casts Thor back down to earth, stripped of his powers, his hammer, and his very awesome suit of armor.
Thor must try and regain his powers, reclaim his hammer, and kiss Natalie Portman as he tries to get back to dear old Dad before a nefarious plot overthrows the kingdom.
Chris Hemsworth, in addition to having muscles roughly the same overall height as theAndesMountains, does brilliantly well with Thor. There wass an extreme chance that Thor would come off as some uncaring, unfeeling demi-god typed person (see Superman: Returns) but Hemsworth plays Thor’s earth version so very down to earth (horrible pun… I’m sorry… it’s Monday) that you can’t help but like the guy.
Mad props to Director Kenneth Branagh for turning a story that could have been about Greek gods swinging big hammers at monsters and shouting about “hithertofore yon” and making it into a story about people. People. Granted some of those were super-natural people, but they were still people. It was a story that we cared about, and while the big hammer swingy parts were awesome, the reason we were watching was to see what happened to the people.
The end. I won’t give away how Thor ends but it was one of the most genuinely satisfying endings I’ve seen in a while. It made me happy… and a little sad… and… well yeah. It was sweet.
Umm… man… Uhh… Okay I didn’t really think the Frost Giants were that intimidating. It’s sort of a stupid name and they just looked like they fell in blue yogurt and then irritated their eyes by trying to rub the yogurt out of them… And yes that was incredibly nitpicky.
I’m not saying Thor is a perfect movie. It’s not Dark Knight, or an epic story about what it means to be who we are and it won’t change the way you view living. What Thor is, is a movie that is just so very good at what it sets out to do. None of the actors (with the exception of Hemsworth) really stand out as delivering all star performances but none of them do badly enough to get in the way. They do what they set out to do. It’s a well done, well executed movie, starring a well put together cast, and focusing on the positive elements of a great story.
I give it 4 magic blue boxy things, out of 5.